Druggies / Alckies in and around Leith:
My Top Ten Tips for shopping at Tesco Metro

(1) If you plan to go shopping in Tesco Metro, do that BEFORE having a nose-full/arm-full/kazoo-full/skin-full of mind-bogglants

(2) If you fuck (1) up, DO NOT choose the self-service checkout

(3) If you ignore the advice in (2), do not threaten the staff who are trying to help you

(4) Also, the woman's voice coming from the little machine is a RECORDING so there is no point in arguing with her

(5) Try to keep focused on waving groceries around until you hear a *beep* and then putting them in the bagging area - do not get distracted by the cute doggy, the security man giving you 'attitude', or the 'stuck-up English bitch' talking to you from inside the machine

(6) On no account should you try to cheat the system or steal - you WILL FAIL

(7) Don't keep looking round to see if people are looking at you, THEY ARE - it's not entirley drug-induced paranoia on your part, you are making a bit of a cunt of yourself

(8) Don't expect anyone other than yourself to see the funny side of an adult taking 15 minutes to put a Mars Bar and two cans of Tennents through the till

(9) Once you've successfully bagged your shopping and paid for it, do not take the time to profusely thank everyone who has helped you through this monumental challenge

(10) Once outside the shop, you are NOT entitled to a replacement or full refund for any item damaged when you smash into a lampost/wall/pavement while admiring a doggy / avoiding a wasp / sending a text, so don't bother asking
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 18:13, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hahaha! Yes!
I esp like the part of them getting offended and argumentative at the 'stuck up English bitch' in the self service machine! :D
( ..wil, Sun 16 Mar 2008, 19:09, Reply)

Super
Simply excellent, got a load of laughs from me and my friend!
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 14:10, Reply)