Method
1) Push out as much of the stool as possible. It's important that all hangers on are ejected and you give it all a good shake to get it as clean as possible.
2) Fold the square in half and then in half again.
3) Use you finger to push it up your bottom and then give it a anti-clockwise twist (twist clockwise if you are in the southern hemisphere. Too many people underestimate the Coriolis effect on a clean bottom).
4) Pull finger from bottom at approx 1 metre per second. Vary the velocity according to the consistency of the stool. More viscous and you should decrease speed, less viscous you should increase. This step is very important and takes time to master.
5) You bottom should be squeaky clean.

I should remind you of the obvious pitfall of using too much force on entry which could result in breakage of the paper. Also utilising an exit speed that is inconsistent with viscosity can result in a scorched arse and broken hand with the follow through. The most important thing is to know your toilet paper and your surroundings.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 18:04, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are you Sheryl Crow?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:32, Reply)

Or...
...forget the paper and just use your finger. And wash your hands really incredibly well afterwards.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:35, Reply)