Nostalgia is a Greek word
Despite my copious beer swillage and foul mouth, I'm a tactile old softie at heart. My friends and family know how much I love them; that doesn't deter me from telling them so frequently. Sweary Jr and I exchange the L-word daily. At the age of 12, it surprises me that he'll still often initiate the exchange in front of his mates.

However, my old man has always been an exception to this rule. I call him by his christian name, and find it hard to refer to him as my father or dad. It's certainly not that I don't love him - I do, very much - but we've always been emotionally constipated with eachother.

As I 've mentioned several times before, I spent 3 years living on the Greek island of Kos. My mother wrote to me every week and occasionally Sweary Senior would add a page at the end. So, in answer to this week's question, it is these letters I would save from a fire. I've spent the entire afternoon reading them (fuck flattening clothes, this stuff is *important*).

One in particular will be selected for rescue, depending on the ferocity of the flames. If you have the appetite to read it, here's an extract:

"..... Continuing family news; communication with Grandad has taken a turn for the worse. You know he mostly blurts disconnected bits of gobbledegook and expects people to instantly decode what the hell he's on about, while, when you want to say something to him, you have to simplify it to the irreducibly gormless - then shout it at least twice. Well, now he specifies the number of words he requires, e.g. "What exactly is Tourettes doing? - in four words". This is often a bit of a challenge and can mean taking liberties with grammar or shortening a sentence, e.g. "Fucked if I know".......

The letter ends thus:

"......in two words,
LOVE, DAD."

I love and respect you millions Dad. I will pluck up the guts to say it aloud to your face xxx

(Or chicken out and show you this.)



*EDIT*
In the likely event of plan C for chicken:

Dad, for all the shit I threw your way, I apologise. I remember that acrimonious drunken phone call I made late one night (when I lived in Dunsmuir Grove?) spitting venemous vitriol at you. You never said a word. (I hope you left the phone on the dresser and walked away.) That is one of my few regrets.
Whenever I had a head-fuck whilst away, be it Kos or the USA, I'd listen to my tape of Keith Jarrett's Köln Concert and think of you. That always gave me strength.





**EDIT**
I showed this to my Dad yesterday :)
It put a lump in his eye, so it did.
(Tears & snot were dripping off my chins when I wrote it.)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 12 May 2008, 18:36, 15 replies)

I can relate to this....
but with me it's everyone in my family.

I'm too old to change now as I've always been a bit of a cold fish. I think you'll be able to do it and boy will you be glad that you do.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 May 2008, 18:47, closed)

that's nice
I remember when I used to be into nostalgia....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 May 2008, 18:52, closed)

^ Vipros
Alas, nostalgia ain't what it used to be...
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 12 May 2008, 19:42, closed)

@BGB
You're never too old to say what you feel. And you certainly don't strike me as a cold fish....
Is it not those emotional barriers we *erect* to protect ourselves from hurt / rejection?
You, Ms Blouse, have a heart of gold xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 12 May 2008, 19:48, closed)

@ Tourettes
Aw give over *blushes*

In truth I'm not as bad as I used to be. Lack of emotion is just a habit I guess.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 May 2008, 19:55, closed)

I can definitely say
that BGB is far from being a cold fish, despite her desire to project that image. *laugh* Don't let her fool you- she's a sweetheart.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 12 May 2008, 20:28, closed)

Hopefully
We'll get to meet you guys at some point in the near future!

As an aside, I get on pretty well with Sweary Senior - must be my easy going personality!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 May 2008, 20:41, closed)

Do it
and do it soon. Because you never know when the opportunity will go and if you don't... need I say more? But you're a braver person that I ever will be if you do (although thats not saying much).
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 12 May 2008, 21:53, closed)

As they said above
For whatever reason, tell him what you think. I didn't with my father, we had a major fallout which ended up with me launching him across the bonnet of a Mini Metro ( a story for another time, methinks.). He then died after 6 years of me not speaking to him, which left me wrack with guilt, and pent-up rage, that I could not sit down with him before he died and say truly what I thought of him. And not all bad, as he made me the person I am today.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Mon 12 May 2008, 23:27, closed)

.
@Tourette's
Go for it! As the two posters above have said, you may unexpectedly find you'll never have another chance. It's a heart-warming experience finally unblocking the emotional constipation. You seem like you're ready to make the step. You just need to go for it. Hopefully, my click will add some encouragement.

* hugs Tourette's *


@BGB
Like I said for Tourette's: go for it! You too can do it. It’s never too late to unblock emotional constipation. I get the impression that it’s only relatively recently in your life that you’ve acquired a heart of gold. If you feel the need to apologise for past misdeeds, go for it. It will lift a weight off your shoulder.

* hugs BGB *


Anyway, reading this has reminded me that the good relations I have with my parents are one of my own most treasured possessions.

spakkaman out
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 12 May 2008, 23:54, closed)

^ *hugs spakkaman*
*hugs Belmsford*
*hugs BGB*

Aw, feck it!... *hugs everyone*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 13 May 2008, 9:56, closed)

i tell my mum all the time i love her
but i havent spoken to my dad for 10 years on account of him being an aggresive insecure alcoholic with small man syndrome who bullied me all my life

hes never seen my son who is now almost two, my sister gets married this year and wants mrs spimf, the mini me spimf, and myself all there

my dad will be there

its really dragging me down
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 13 May 2008, 11:37, closed)

^ that's a tough one
*hugs spimf*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 13 May 2008, 13:23, closed)

*Wipes away a tear*
I don't remember the last time I told my Dad that I love him. It certainly hasn't been for about 16 years, and it might even be a bit longer than that. So 12 at the latest.

Like you, it's not that I don't respect him, because I do. I haven't even so much as hugged him for many a year. A firm hand shake and 'see you in 6 months' is about as close as we get.

And yet I do worry that he'll die one of these days and I won't have got to tell him that he's my Dad and I love him. But I also know that I won't do it, because the time will never feel right or I'll feel like a prune.

God. It's like 'The Living Years' by Mike and the Mechanics, innit?

I hope your Dad does read that. I bet he'd understand, too!

*cleek*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:56, closed)

@ Spimf
That's a tough call there, fella.

I think (for what it's worth) that you should go. After all, you're a man now - let's see him bully someone who can stand up for themselves now, eh?

Hope it works out for you.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 13 May 2008, 14:57, closed)