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This is a question Trolls

Are you a troll? Ever been trolled? Ever pwn3d a troll with your 1337 intarnet sk1llz? Or do you live under a bridge and eat goats? Tell us your trolly stories, both from the web and from real life

Thanks to The Hedgehog From Hell for the suggestion

(, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:49)
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Fol de rol...
Mr Brian Palumbo is a friend of mine; a good few years ago he was incensed when he was watching GMTV only to see a blousy female council official... Well, I'll let him explain. He emailed GMTV in a fit of pique.

I'll post the responses in the replies.

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 21 February 2004 12:16 PM
To: Talk2us
Subject: Email us - Comment

Name: Brian Palumbo
Email: [email protected]
Nearest Town: n/a
Nearest Town: Newcastle

FAO Producer: GMTV


Re: GMTV Programme, 20-02-04 06:45 hrs


I feel compelled to write to express my disgust at your programme's
insistence on labelling an Officer of the Council, an attractive lady in
her late fifties by my estimation, as a 'Wayward Ho'.

Upon what grounds did your programme's editors decide that this poor
woman was indeed what is, in modern parlance a 'Ho'?

It is my understanding, upon the advice of my eldest son, Clive, that a
'Ho is a derogatory term applied to a woman of ill repute, in other
words, a prostitute, slattern, nightwalker or harlot!

This sort of ghetto patois may generate viewers amongst the 16-21 age
bracket, but I must say that it is wholly inappropriate to utilise such
language at such an early time in the morning, when either school
children, preparing themselves for school; or an old woman, with nothing
better to do could be watching.

And what of the poor woman herself? I daresay in your mad grab for
ratings against the more efficient, yet impersonal BBC coverage you have
entirely failed to take into account the feelings of the individual
concerned! Whilst I support that dear old lady who seems to be rallying
all of her old friends to avoid paying what is an entirely legal tax, I
feel that your coverage was entirely biased, offensive and subjective.

Should this woman, whose name escapes me, seek damages from your
persons, I would happily support that, such is my intense ire at this
farcical and insensitive case.

On a lighter note, I must give immense praise to Fiona Phillips, who is
a remarkably attractive, intelligent and well presented employee. I can
guarantee that she brightens up my mornings with her cheery grin and
clear diction. However, I find Eamonn Holmes to be over-exposed, and
would appreciate it if you could reduce the amount of coverage dedicated
to a man whose grasp of pronunciation leaves a great deal to be desired.

I also understand your rather convenient rider at the top of this form,
however, I refuse to waste the price of a stamp on contacting you, and I
see no other way to make either my feelings felt, or have my question
answered, and due to the seriousness of this matter would appreciate an
email or postal response within an acceptable timescale. Should this not
be forthcoming, and I am forced to pay postage for this matter, then I
shall be claiming that postage back from yourselves.

I await your response with great interest.

Yours faithfully,

Brian Palumbo Esq.
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:00, 5 replies)
From: "xxx xxx"

Subject: RE: Complaint - "Westward Ho"
Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2004 12:49:07 -0000

GMTV - Britain's Biggest Breakfast
6 million viewers daily - National Television Awards - Most Popular Factual Entertainment Programme

Dear Mr Palumbo

Thank you for your e-mail of 21 February.

The on-screen caption you refer to in fact said "Westward Ho", which was
the location of our interview. We did not, and of course never would,
caption or refer to any of our guests using the phrase "ho" in the
modern parlance. We trust that this answers your query, and that you
will continue to enjoy watching GMTV.

Kind regards

xxx xxx | Legal & Business Affairs | GMTV Limited
London Television Centre | Upper Ground | London SE1 9TT
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:01, closed)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Complaint - "Westward Ho"
Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2004 18:55:30 +0000

Dear Mr Dxxxx, spelt wrongly for full effect

I appreciate the time you have taken to correct my poor eyesight, and I certainly shall continue to enjoy watching GMTV as it is 'my television programme of choice' for the 06:00 - 07:15 time period, mainly due to Fiona Phillips' captivating personality.

However, it is still disturbing to note, and I curse myself for not bringing this to your attention at the time, however did not at that point have access to email or indeed the internet, that Fiona did once refer to Eamonn Holmes small 'cock' which I take to mean 'penis', as she reached for his clock during the millenium celebrations...

Surely this sort of filth should be edited out, or at least, as I understand to be the case for most 'live' reports to have a six second delay in order to allow the 'editors' of the programme to make the 'necessary adjustments'. Was this a ploy by the said editor to allude to Eamonn's penis? Or just a simple mistake, which of course, being from a journalistic background myself, would understand perfectly.

I remain,

Your humble servant

B Palumbo Esq.
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:02, closed)

From: "xxx"
To: "Brian Palumbo"
Subject: RE: Complaint - "Westward Ho"
Date: Mon, 1 Mar 2004 11:16:04 -0000

GMTV - Britain's Biggest Breakfast
6 million viewers daily - National Television Awards - Most Popular Factual Entertainment Programme

Dear Mr Palumbo

Thank you for your mail of 27 February.

I have no knowledge of the "clock" incident you refer to, and no way of
checking matters unless you can be specific about the date and time of
the alleged incident. I am fairly certain that this matter has never
been raised before - and so at present I have to say that it seems
likely that you were mistaken on this point.

I can assure you that we take our obligations to our viewers, and to our
regulator Ofcom, very seriously, and that we do all that we reasonably
can to avoid bad language in our programming.

Kind regards

xxxx xxx | Legal & Business Affairs | GMTV Limited
London Television Centre | Upper Ground | London SE1 9TT
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:03, closed)
I... He gave up then, and turned his ire on Danone... Watch this space.
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:04, closed)
You know this sort of thing is only funny when you get the other people to believe you?

(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:32, closed)
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:35, closed)
Weakest trolling evah.

(, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:37, closed)
You're just marking poor Brian by your own high standards; no-one's going to be able to match up. Still, I don't think you should lower your standards, no siree! You keep 'em coming; we'd miss you if you were gone.
(, Sun 22 May 2011, 10:05, closed)

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