I was the twattiest mate!
You may all now lift your jaws up off the floor.
A few years ago I had a mate called Gavin. I'd met him when I was driving a truck and he worked on the loading dock for one of my regular stops. A friendship blossomed and every couple of Fridays we'd meet at the pub, get stoned and then steadily drunk and more vociferous.
Then Gav's girlfriend Steph and her sister Justine bought a house just (literally) around the corner from where me and my missus lived. In to which Gav promptly moved in. From there the friendship transformed into a solid entity.
Every Sun. morning we spent hours getting copiously stoned and then either riding our push-bikes to various out of the way destinations - where we would imbibe a few whiskey-laced coffees from the flask and blow another spliff before returning home, or in the summer months we would start early (0500 or so), get stoned, go fishing along the coast or in the river, drink a few strong coffees, smoke some more and finish up having a snorkel up and down the banks or seawall that we'd just been fishing off.

As I spent a bit of time at Gav's and he at mine our other halves got to know each other and between the girls a friendship began to bloom. They spent more than a few nights up at the local pub enjoying the atmosphere. Steph's older sister Justine was a bit of all-right to boot and since she knew my missus fairly well and her useless Norwegian boyfriend would disappear at the very mention of "actually having to physically do something", she was always up for a bit of no-nonsense flirting.
I wouldn't say it was an incestuous friendship. But as a group we certainly knew enough about each other and how we behaved to make a stranger feel left-out if not uncomfortable.
Steph and Gav had been together for quite a few years and what with her buying a house and him moving in as 'the lodger' they were clearly at the point where something should happen with their relationship. My missus and I had been married about a year then and between us we would regularly give Gav and Steph shit about making that next, big step.

Then one day Gav took me aside and told me he was breaking up with Steph. To say I was knocked for a six was an understatement.
"Crikey mate, what brought this on?" I asked him in disbelief.
He told me that a new girl Tonia had started at his work and that things had steadily progressed between them to the point that he no longer wished to be in the long-term relationship with Steph so he could pursue "other avenues" with Tonia.
I gave him my spiel about not shitting where you eat, making sure there was NO 'crossover' & I made it very clear that I wasn't going to lie for him. I offered to help him move but under the circumstances he'd roped in his younger brother for assistance. Apparently he simply broke up with Steph overnight, telling her with little or no explanation that it wasn't her it was him and he needed "space" to work things out. In other words he was a gutless, no-cojones wimp who could't spare his newly ex-girlfriend a whole heap of heartbreak by being honest.

My wife and I had a few tearful visits from Steph. Most of the time I tried to be as restrained as possible if not trying to actively avoid Steph completely. A couple of weeks after they'd broken up Gav asked me to go over to Stephs to pick up some stuff for him. At this stage he was dossing with friends whilst he and Tonia looked for a place together.NO 'crossover' indeed....
So off I trotted up to Steph's place with packing box in hand. Once I'd done the somewhat distasteful deed (with Steph in the background sobbing and Justine glaring at me as tho I was Jeffery Dahmer buying a freezer) I took the (cool) offer of a beer up and plonked myself on the couch.
"Is there someone else?" she asked me tearfully. I told her that she really needed to talk to Gav about that. Which was clearly as much as I needed to say in order to confirm her fears.
That night Gav came came to pick up his stuff with a face on him like a Cane Toad that'd been licked once too many times. Apparently Steph had rung him and given him "what for" over his supposed infidelity. I explained to him what had happened openly and honestly and he left shortly, our friendship in somewaht tatters.

I saw Gav a couple of years later. He'd headed OS to South East Asia with his new, young girly. It hadn't worked out or so it seemed. He still blamed me for the fact that Steph was dark on him since once he'd got back he'd tried to rekindle things with her - only to find that she'd moved on, got married and was soon expecting.

TL;DR - I dobbed my mate in for pretty much being unfaithful because I wasn't going to lie for him.
For the "Bros before Ho's" mob - It's complicated.
For anyone I've got on ignore - since I've got you on ignore do feel free not to logout, read this post and then login in order to reply. Unless it's so you can click "I like this" in which case feel free to do so.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 8:03, 28 replies)

We've much in common, I too have had friends who's relationships have ended. And there's nothing interesting to be said about those events in my life either.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 8:35, closed)

So your interesting, original
story that you haven't written using a stolen username is?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 8:39, closed)

Try this, first write your story in as few words as possible
"A good friend of mine split up with his girlfriend and got a bit hacked off with me when I hinted to her that he may have someone else"

Read it a few times. Realise that there's really nothing interesting, amusing, shocking, or in any other way entertaining or diverting about this tale and try and come up with something better.

not

Wrap it in a fucktonne of inconsequentials mainly about smoking dope and drinking beer....again....
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 8:57, closed)

yeah ... good luck with this
he's had fifty odd years of being a tedious autism
(alright alright, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 8:59, closed)

40 odd.
Google it.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 9:34, closed)

Again
from the man who has posted a number of posts using my old [stolen] username. As AB would ask -
Your story is?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 9:21, closed)

OK. By coincidence I have a mate called Gav!
I'd met him when I was driving a truck and he worked on the loading dock for one of my regular stops. A friendship blossomed and every couple of Fridays we'd meet at the pub, get stoned and then steadily drunk and more vociferous. He moved into a house across the road and we'd see each other most days. I'd bring the weed, he'd bring the booze and we'd get like really drunk and stoned, and then we'd drink and smoke more and more. And then more and more. Gav was a real mate. Sometimes I'd get bit depressed that despite every advantage in life, and a public school education I'd drifted from one unskilled low paid job to the next. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me. Luckily I always had Gav to see every morning and evening, cold beer in his hand a spliff ready rolled. As often happens when one is smoking lots of weed, I mean a really prodigious amounts, and drinking beer too, let's not forget all the beer, we'd sometimes get the munchies. One evening we had a packet of jammie dodgers on the coffee table, and while we were smoking spliffs and drinking beer, absolute shitloads of beer, we'd take a biscuits from the packet and eat them. I'd take a biscuit from the packet on the coffee table and eat it, then Gav would take a biscuit and eat it, then I'd take a biscuit from the packet and eat it. We were taking turns, he'd have a biscuit and then I'd have one. It wasn't a rule or anything. We hadn't discussed how we'd allocate the biscuits, we were just such good friends that we naturally shared them equally. Because of all the beer we'd been drinking all day Gav had to go and take a piss. It was my turn to take a biscuit from the packet and eat it, so I took a biscuit from the packet and ate it. Then I noticed something. There was one biscuit left. I knew that by rights it was Gav's turn to take a biscuit from the packet and eat it, but I took it and ate it before he returned from the bog. Not sure if he noticed or not, He didn't say anything, so probably not.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 10:11, closed)

Lol
wut?
As AB has said to me on more than 1 occasion.

Since you stole my username and you're acting like a cunt, maybe you need to be on my ignore list.

Cheers, mate.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 10:19, closed)

Cunt? CUNT!?
I take the mick out of your story telling technique and you start dropping the C bomb on me? I'm appalled.
(ringofyre, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 17:22, closed)

But I'm willing to forgive you. It can't be easy.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 21 Sep 2013, 17:41, closed)

Hahaha

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 14:04, closed)

You're quite good at this.
If this were a transferable skill I'd probably offer you a job or sutin.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 14:11, closed)

Don't judge my skills by what I post here
I can also nearly get a billiard ball in my mouth and juggle up to two objects. I await your offer with interest.
(ringofyre, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 17:16, closed)

When can you start?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 18:49, closed)

This is marvellous.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 14:55, closed)

Are you going to log out to read and reply to this like you've been told not to by a mod?
Only you're still making a big song and dance about having people on ignore like the tedious spastic you are.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 9:22, closed)

Totes logged out to read my post
and then post.

Umm, I think you may find that the mod you are quoting was as pissed off with you you lot constantly posting about me as he is with me posting comments based upon stuff that you have posted.

I think you may have a blindspot.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 9:33, closed)

Oh, so because he's not exclusively irritated with your incessant bullshit that means you don't have to listen to him?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 9:52, closed)

Stalk much, little man?

(Shimrod, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 10:55, closed)

DELICIOUS IRONING

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 15:16, closed)

You did the right thing.
Gav was a twat for putting you in an awkward position. He knew your thoughts on the matter and ignored your advice then expected you to be a hypocrite.
He shouldn't have told you about the other girl, knowing how close-knit your group was.
Friends shouldn't make their friends lie for them to that extent -- it's an imposition akin to running out of a restaurant and leaving you at the table deciding whether to pay for everyone or run yourself.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 10:15, closed)

I'll agree with that.

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 10:32, closed)

You are a tedious bugger.
I hope you don't wheel out these god awful anecdotes, and I use the term loosely, IRL social situations.
(immadme, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 16:41, closed)

He would if he was ever in social situations, but nowadays he never leaves the house for fear of not being able to post on here.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 17:30, closed)

Well..
you ain't invited so what does it matter to you?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:26, closed)

How
many times is once too many for licking a Cane Toad?
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 11:46, closed)