Just like
Enzyme's post below, I encountered similar amounts of knobjockery from the Job Centre.

"You've got experience working in supermarkets. Why don't you work fulltime in a supermarket?"

First time I left uni it thankfully didn't take me long to find a summer job before starting back there again after summer but the next time round my girlfriend and I were living together in my parents house (*shudder* I'd forgotten that that was one of Dante's levels of hell) and for her to be able to claim dole money, I was told that I also had to be.

*groan*

To the vacuum of self esteem and hope I went. I was waiting in the queue as I overheard an increasingly agitated bloke fail in a battle of wits over a technicality with a poor claims processor.

"Ahm here tae collect mah girlfriends dole money like."

"I see. *taps at computer* Ms Jardine hasn't been in to sign on this week."

"Aye, ah ken. She's been in bed ill."

"The job seekers allowance is paid out to people actively looking for work. If Ms Jardine has been ill she doesn't qualify for job seekers. I can't process her claim for this week."

"Naw but what, yer kiddin' me? She's been ill right! Just, like, we need that money. Whit am I supposed to dae?"

I could see the conversation slowly killing the inner child of both of them. I was called away before finding out how it ended.

"Hi I've just left uni and I'm here to register as unemployed."

"Oh no, just because your term's finished you can't sign on for the dole. Next!"

"That would be why I said I've left uni."

*cold stare*

"Hmmmm, and how are you looking for employment?"

"Recruitment agents mainly. That's how I got all my job offers last time I looked for full-time work 4 years ago."

"I see, and what else?"

"Well, I might look in the industry press if it's a slow week..."

"What about the boards in the job centre here? And have you seen our new computerised job search engine?"

"Yes, I've looked. You don't have any suitable jobs. I'm looking for something in Edinburgh or the south of England and there literally aren't any. There are only two or three jobs even vaguely similar to what I'm qualified for and they're not very well paid - everything else is either in catering or haulage and I don't even have a standard driving licence."

"Well you have to come into the job centre and look at the job board or we can't have you down as looking for work."

Bureaucracy, thy name is the public sector. Destined to forever jump through pointless hoops at the same time forcing others to do the same.

"OK then, I will come in and look for non-existant tech jobs south of the firth of Forth on your computer thingy."

I don't think the fact that I was wearing a League of Gentlemen t-shirt with Dole Scum written on the front helped me any.

Ultimately, if I'm meandering towards a point at all, it's that it's a fun pastime to bitch and moan about the town you come from. You can see everything that's wrong with it and how it could be so much better. I've heard locals complain about Cambridge where I currently live and quite frankly they should shut the fuck up. Cambridge is a small city and as such there's a fair bit of violence and crime but it has so much less than many other places I've seen. The people here are friendly, fun and polite, there are no end of things to do and see, and if you do run out, London is less than an hour away.

If there's one thing more soul crushing than being unemployed, it's being unemployed in a shit town where there are no decent jobs and the concept of not wanting to settle for something pish, the concept of being prepared to move town - move literally hundreds of miles - is lost on the job centre. I fear the job centre, I don't like the idea of having to go back to that place where they're happy to shove a round peg in a square hole if it'll get their numbers down but at least if it happens again, I'm living somewhere where there'll be more than just jobs in sandwich making and white van driving.
( djtrialprice, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 18:31, 8 replies)

"why don't you work fulltime in a supermarket?"
Fuckwits. Only someone who's never had to do that would suggest that.

It's soul destroying. No matter how good you do, they always want more sales. Have a great summer one year, and your targets for the next spike to match, ignoring the sheer unlikelyhood of having two great summers in a row. I can't make people come to the store, spend money on my section.

There is no meaningful career in food retail. Promotion from the shopfloor ranks is rare, no matter how skilled you are - presumably they don't want managers with empathy for their subordinates, or experience of why what they're expecting is difficult.

That, and there's only about 1 properly paid position for every 100 minimum wage ones. If you don't have great qualfications the odds worsen further.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 18:54, closed)

I remember my favourite supervisor
from when I worked for Iceland. He was hardworking, a good laugh and treated us part-time monkies with respect. He couldn't work out why he wasn't being promoted further and quite frankly neither could I.
( djtrialprice, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 20:17, closed)

you answered your own question
"treated us part-time monkies with respect". They seem to want borderline psychopathic personalities for 'leadership', who won't have any remorse about firing anyone who doesn't bow to the company tune (like being willing to do overtime for free and/or at negligible notice).

Man, I'm bitter.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 23:15, closed)

I agree heartily
Cambridge is most awesome. It makes everywhere else look decidedly non-awesome... (I live there)
( ejlflop errrrrgs. Regularly., Mon 6 Apr 2009, 23:31, closed)

I'm going to be living there
by next december. Can't wait!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 1:42, closed)

Cambridge is indeed awesome.
I've got lots of good memories from there.
Portland Arms and the (now turned into a damn wine-bar) Boat Race.
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:29, closed)

aaah the boat race.....
I can recommend Fulbourn Tesco first thing in the morning a for a stunning level of bitching and backstabbing about management and colleagues! Who knew grabbing a sandwich on the way to work could be so entertaining!
Cambridge is a nice place, very true, just a bit pricey for some of us these days.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:42, closed)

I don't live there,
I'm across the border in Essex *hisses*
I do quite a lot of work there though.
( Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:49, closed)