Read the "quotes" in a Scottish accent, they'll be funnier.
The place - Central Scotland. The time - mid 1970's.
From ages 11 to 15-ish my best mate was a fella nicknamed Dusty, I won't use his real name in order to spare any embarrasment. Dusty also hung around with a grotty little kid called Jamesie Stewart, Jamesie lived on a nasty council estate and my mum forbid me to hang around with him as he was "nasty and common". Dusty used to tell me all sorts of foul stories about this chap and his equally grotty family. Best one being this -
One night Dusty was having a sleepover at Jamesie's, come bed time they were in bunk beds, Dusty in the top one, his host in the lower. During the preceeding evening they had entertained themselves by playing 'kiss, cuddle or torture' (or 'kiss chase' if you prefer) the main object of pursuit being Jamesie's older sister. She was a couple of years older than the boys and, I guarantee you, not a comely wench by any means.
Having been asleep for awhile, Dusty was awakened by the unmistakeable sensation of someone fondling his dick, sat bolt upright in bed about to defend his honour when he realised it was Jamesie's big sister. The bold lass proceeded to climb up onto the bed and in the course of time relieved young Dusty of his virginity. This being done, she headed back off to her own room.
Cut to the next morning. Jamesie and Dusty eating coco pops in the kitchen, Jamesie is eyeing a mute Dusty with a knowing look. Eventually in an attempt to clear the air Dusty says "er....so....em....did you sleep alright last night?". Jamesies replies with "I heard you and my sister, you dirty bastard, if that's what you mean". There is an extended silence which Dusty breaks with a half heartedly apologetic "er, sorry man.....um....you know". To which the immortal reply came "ach, don't worry about it, I was having a wank myself !".

Class.
(The Pink Strat Copy, Wed 2 Jun 2004, 9:26, Reply)