Big flat gypsy wedding*
On my way to the local shopping precinct when I was about 15, I could see in the distance what looked like a long line of dwarves in the distance. Couldn't work out what the fuck it might be until I got closer and realised it was a line of about thirty people sat along the low perimeter wall of a pub at the top of the road, most of whom were male and clutching pints of Guinness. All of them were suited and booted in the awkward way of people who generally associate such gear with either job interviews or court appearances - in that part of the world at that time, nearly always the latter. And from the bright white dress of the central figure, it was a wedding.

If that wasn't enough to make me nervous, I could hear as I approached accents that identified them as travellers, or tinkers, as they were usually referred to.

Now this wasn't necessarily a bad thing in itself, but local wisdom was that wherever tinkers gathered, a fight was never far away And the likelihood of this seemed to be reinforced by the increasingly raised voices I could hear coming from their direction.

In fact, it was the allegedly happy couple who were already falling out. She was shrieking like a banshee by the time I got level with them, most of it unintelligible (apart from the liberal use of the word fockin') until she finally pulled the ring from her finger and hurled it at the groom, screaming "OI NEVVER WANTED TO FOCKIN' MARRY YEZ IN DE FURST PLACE!" And stormed off into the pub.

He then hurled himself across the lap of the figure next to him - who, it turned out, was his mother (although you'd never have guessed from her size and shape), and shouted in the most agonising of tones 'AAAH, MAMMY - SHE DOZZEN'T FOCKIN' LOVE ME ANY MORE!" And then proceeded to sob louder than any man has a right to do in a public place.

While the sitting line of Guinness swillers had observed all this in silence, they then started to move and so did I - I knew what was coming next.

I read in the paper the next day that they wrecked the pub and most of them got carted off to the nick. Can't believe the pub even let them in - most pubs would avoid travellers like the plague.


*I know they're not really gypsies but I couldn't resist it.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 8:42, 12 replies)

You have a good grasp of phonetic Tinkese.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 6 Nov 2014, 9:06, closed)

What we need is a great big melting pot.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 9:21, closed)

But first a building marked "Showers" that isn't really.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 6 Nov 2014, 19:18, closed)

It's a bit stereotypical but thats exactly what they sounded like.
Which is probably why it's stereotypical.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 9:26, closed)

Clicked for Tinkese.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 10:14, closed)

I know they're not really gypsies but I couldn't resist it some lazy racism.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 13:55, closed)

Because we're all so politically fucking correct on here, aren't we?

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 14:41, closed)

Actually since 'politically correct' is now an offensive term,
we should instead use 'impeccably civil'.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 15:32, closed)

Right.
So it's possible to defend racism by pointing out that others sometimes say some near-to-the-knuckle stuff as well?

*makes mental note*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 15:48, closed)

Racist? Really?
Lazy I can accept but using a cheapo play on a well-known TV show whose title seems to have entered the general lexicon is hardly racist. Especially since I made the point via the asterisk.

And I note that your assiduousness in pursuing your self-defined allegations hasn't extended to any other posts - at least one of which is a little more deserving of your ill-aimed, petty potshots than mine.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 16:20, closed)

^Confirmed as a pikey.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 6 Nov 2014, 19:19, closed)

I didn't realise
pikeys were a race. Aren't they more of a sub-culture? And by sub-culture I do mean parasitic infestation.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 19:26, closed)