Cruelty
As I've said before I work in a pub.
My work mate at said pub has some weird over the top compulsive habits.
Firstly he is always touching the bar and the sides to make sure there is no sugar or coffee grounds that he can't see.
Secondly he always arranges the uncut fruit basket half and half so the limes are on one side and the lemons are on the other.

Now being the nice guy that I am I want to help him get over this behaviour so I force him to accept his constant niggling idiosyncrasies are fruitless.
I do this by secretly mixing up the fruit and sprinkling the sides in sugar and coffee grounds.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 0:49, 10 replies)

Gotta keep him busy

( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 2:22, closed)

Aye but I think he knows as I always get the blame when the sugar runs out..
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 2:26, closed)

What?
Firstly, keeping the bar clean is a legal requirement of his (and probably your) job.
Secondly, organising things correctly so they are easy to find during the busy part of your night increases speed of service and, by extension, increases profit.

Keep nitpicking till your friend gets promoted over your lazy ass, at this point he can fuck off to the office earning more money than you watching you on the CCTV and phoning you to make sure you have checked the bar for coffee grinds and sugar and ordering you to separate the citrus fruits.
In 10 years he will be company director and you will still be looking for coffee grinds.
(Figmaus, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 2:38, closed)

Don't hit me or anything. Don't fire me boss please I'll try harder, I'll post made up stories about being a cat who just has this insatiable desire to bring a dead mouse into the house every time your eating.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 3:07, closed)

How do you secretly
mix up (green) limes, and (yellow) lemons?
(username failed moderation, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 9:09, closed)

when lime slices are left in the fridge for a week
they turn yellow.
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Mon 19 Dec 2011, 10:00, closed)

Ah.
Good point.

And I suppose if you leave the lemon slices on the bar for a month, they probably turn green.
(username failed moderation, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 10:53, closed)

I THINK
they fade...limes go green...yellow...white
And lemons go yellow to white.
But I have seen shriveled up black ones behind my fridge at times.
dear god...I need to find out more!
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 18:56, closed)

You spelled "incompetence" wrong.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 19 Dec 2011, 11:20, closed)

meen bustard
click
(justin(e), Tue 20 Dec 2011, 15:26, closed)