Breasts of Doom!!!
I would love to say I photoshopped stuff or found ways to look at porn at work, but I'm as technically minded as your average ewok, so I'll tell you about the day I lost The Game.

The Game was pretty straightforward - I used to work in an office where I had the honour, neigh, the privilage of selling people mortgages over the phone.

Most of the time was sent sitting round, drinking coffee and talking complete and utter bollocks with my work colleages, so when the occasional phone call came through it was a pretty momentous event.

The Game was basically to try and put off whoever was doing the mortgage selling drivel so they would have to terminate the call.

I was pretty much unflappable.

One time while I was going through the motions with some moron over the phone, my good mate Dave sneaked up behind me, and with the sort of speed of hand that Bruce Lee would've been proud of, squirted lighter fluid across my desk and set fire to it. I didn't even flinch. Just lifted the phone off the desk, continued the call, and waited for the flames to die down.

Another time Sooty and Sweep appeared from behind my monitor and Sooty started to anally rape Sweep (accompanied by incredibly realistic sound effects, including squelching). Still, I didn't as much as blink... I was the iceman.

This really pissed Dave off, because whenever he was on a call all I'd have to do is write something like: 'Cunty-Fuck-Face!!!' on a piece of paper with a board marker and dance round in front of him for a bit until he cracked, started laughing, and had to terminate the call.

At the end of the average week I was winning The Game hands down.

That was until the office junior, Adele, decided to get involved.

Now, Adele was a pretty girl. Very reserved. Just finished her A-Levels and usually kept herself to herself. We'd go for the occasional works drinks and every so often she'd ask for my help to get some rabbid teenager to leave her alone - the usual sort of thing.

So when she sidled up to my desk and said: 'Spanky, I guarentee you will lose The Game today.'

I replied, using my razor sharp wit and mastery of the English language: 'Like fuck I will!'

It was later that day that I finally lost The Game...

Phone rings, I answer, start going through the usual tedious shit. Dave appears and stands at my side, starts slapping me round the head a bit. Ahh, Dave - you'll have to do better than that.

Then Adele homes into view and stands right infront of my desk, a strange look of whimsey on her angelic face. Dave too is a little perplexed - I can tell because he's momentarily stopped swatting me round the back of the head.

I continue the call, talking about god-knows-what to this annoying fucker who's interrupted my eigth coffee break of the day.

Suddenly, Adele reaches down and pulls up her sweater and bra and jiggles the most impressively large AND pert breasts I have ever seen in my life a few feet from my eyes. They were like two lovely pink planets colliding, two orbs of perfection dancing in perfect harmony, they appeared to leap out and fill the whole room. I think Adele's bra had some sort of weird Tardis effect going on, because I had never really noticed her comely (or should that be cumly) assets before. After a moment, Adele covered herself, turned on a heel, and sauntered off to continue doing her filing.

And I... forgot... how... to... speak...

Bugger!!!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:14, 19 replies)

I like this
And I'm also a little bit envious.

I think I should perhaps forward this idea to our secretary...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:28, closed)

I like this too...
...even I'm speechless.

*click*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:33, closed)

Awesome!
Nice one. Have a click. Also, any...uh...photos...?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:43, closed)

gawd bless her
and all that sail in her
(Yo!Mcnutty, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:44, closed)

Oooh
Godlike!Envy, lust....click!
(rhatanu, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:47, closed)

Pictures...
...or it didn't happen
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:49, closed)

And what's more
that's some good material for the wank bank, too.

What a generous girl Adele must have been.

*clickety*
( Moey, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:05, closed)

This post
has all the right ingredients *click*
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:11, closed)

I am interested to hear what plans you are concocting for the coquettish and pert breasted Adele...
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:47, closed)

hmmmm breasts
I like this post
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:54, closed)

Stick (wo)man representation if you please
Or photos of this tasty bit of fluff clothed or otherwise because lets face it if she is a fugly it doesn't matter how good her tits were !
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:10, closed)

dont be silly
a backwards balaclave is perfect for the bobfocs, or in the worst case scenario a triple bagger.

one for you, one for her and a scare in case one falls off
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:15, closed)

Since I have stopped smoking
my spelling has gone to shit!
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:15, closed)

My annual Personal Development Review
As back story, Fridays are "dress down" in our already pretty relaxed offices.
So!
On the last Friday before Xmas, my Managing Director and I were deep in a very involved "inter-company pricing vs exchange rate and how it would affect profitability" discussion when my attention was caught by a vision outside the glass, over the MD's shoulder.

Our (Very lovely)financial manager was on all fours under the fax table, displaying the back of a very pretty pink embroidered thong, framing one of the nicest arses I'd be priveliged to be suffocated by*.

I lost the power of speech and actually growled!

Happily we carried on the conversation and later I was commended on how much I "appreciated the office staff".




* that was out loud, wasn't it?


Bugger
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:59, closed)

You jammy git
Have a click while I review which of my coworkers this would be good with.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:57, closed)

I like this.
And it's got tits!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 20:46, closed)

Bastard
You just made me lose the game.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 9 Jan 2009, 22:50, closed)

Phew
At least I'm not the only person that thought that!
(Meya, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 18:22, closed)

Nicely **click**
That's some good quality filth right there
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 18:14, closed)