Project Chicken (Stop reading now if you don’t give a shit about me or my chicken)
I’m quite good at seeing projects through to the end, it’s just that I very rarely end up with what I actually set out to achieve. Back in march I decided to keep a small flock of chickens in my back garden. I did all the research and bought all the materials and built a really nice chicken run for my coop. I contacted the Battery Hen Welfare Trust and adopted 3 ex-battery farm hens and introduced them to their new home. Everything had gone to plan.

After a couple of days, things started to go wrong. One of the hens was bigger and in much better shape than the other two. It was also a complete bastard. During my research I had learnt that a new batch of chickens will squabble and establish a pecking order, it didn’t mention that the alpha hen might tear chunks out of the other hens. It was also stopping the other hens gaining access to food, water and the coop. I had effectively built a cock-fighting arena/chicken concentration camp. I had never seen anything like that in the sodding Good Life, “Ooo Margot, a tenner says the big one pecks the little ones eyes out…”

People on forums and in real life kept telling me that it should all settle down after a few days, but 2 weeks later I had two very featherless battered chickens cowering in the corner from the bastard. Enough was enough, I had to decide whether to let nature take its course or take sides. Being British I naturally sided with the underdogchicken. The bastard had to go. I had never killed anything in my life so I did a bit of Google research on the most humane way to dispatch a chook. I was amazed at how many web-sites are out there to help you choke your chicken. In the end she got a stay of execution as some friends with a large flock agreed to take her away.

So I was left with 2 hens (Charlie & Lucy), not quite the flock I had in mind but they got on well and Charlie was laying an egg a day, which more than covered my eggy needs. They both put on weight and their feathers grew back but poor old Lucy was never that healthy, her time in the battery farm had taken its toll and she died a couple of months later. I’m not ashamed to say that I cried like a sissy girl. I buried her with full honours and as I filled in the grave, Charlie threw herself in. Obviously she was overcome with grief (or she saw a tasty looking worm).

So there we have it, a flock of one chicken. I couldn’t face getting any more and watching them fight it out for the pecking order. She seems quite happy. I spend a lot of my spare time in my garden so I let her out of her chicken-run. She is more of a pet now; she responds to her name and follows me around. She loves being cuddled and friends and neighbours pop round to see Charlie and feed her scraps. People stop me in the street and ask about Charlie, they don’t give a monkeys stuff about me but they want to know all about my chicken. I spent September in Australia and the friends I made out there have all emailed me asking to be sent photos of Charlie. They occasionally ask how I’m getting on as well.

Apologies for length, photos in reply
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 12:52, 26 replies)

Charlie



( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 12:53, closed)

She's very photogenic : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 13:01, closed)

nice :)
have a cluck Oo sorry i mean a click :)
(Bermuda_import Beach party this weekend, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 13:29, closed)

She likes the camera
it's another shiney thing to peck
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 14:57, closed)

I fancy your bird :0)
*click*
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 13:51, closed)

^ This ^
this is why i love the colonel! (not the one from kentucky, who would clearly have told a very different story for charlie, ending in a deep fat fryer)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 14:02, closed)

Awww, deep fried Charlie
she did sneak into my kitchen when I was baking my christmas cake, she went straight for the cooker :D
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:00, closed)

Chickens are fucking cool
This is a fucking great read. Click!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 14:04, closed)

I would love more
but I dont fancy hosting any more gladatorial chicken fights
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:02, closed)

You may think it's a failed project
But most of us would agree you've got a "Win" there.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 14:27, closed)

Cheers

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:03, closed)

You should get her a TV for Chrimbo!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:38, closed)

Some HEN tertainment.
Apologies.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:39, closed)

chickens
If you can find a local-ish supplier, you should be able to buy chickens about 3 or 4 weeks old. These are old enough to not need their mother, and as they are growing up together, in-fighting generally isnt an issue.

I dont know how big your run is, but I wouldnt go over about 5 or 6 birds, as things start to get messier/smellier/noisier as the numbers increase.


I liked chickens, so I started an organic chicken farm. I currently have about 600 birds and I now fucking hate chickens.
(dave likes cheese, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:38, closed)

You know what...
that's probably the best chicken advice I have ever been told (i.e. get some young ones in).

The amount of shit I have been told about chickens is unbelievable, e.g. squirt a bully hen with water...WTF? It did nothing other than make the little bastard madder.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:46, closed)

have you never heard the phrase
madder than a wet hen?

but there should be footage of you chasing a bully chicken around to squirt it with water. that would make me laugh a Lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:50, closed)

Ha! "Madder than a wet hen"
I imagine footage of myself chasing Charlie around the garden when she doesnt want to go back in her chicken-run would be just as funny. I'll see what I can do :D
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 16:04, closed)

yes please
i would happily pay to watch this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 16:40, closed)

What you need is a nice big cock.
Next time (if there is a next time) you might consider adding a cockerel. They're pretty good at stopping the girls fighting I find. Also it's a good source of free extra chickens.
(richardm, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:40, closed)

Pfft!
my neighbours would kill me because of the cock-a-doodle-doo-ing
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 15:47, closed)

I had an experience of this too
I joined a chicken rehoming project, paid my membership.

They emailed me saying they would contact me on the day of the rescue to tell me where to go to pick up chooks-to-be.

I built a coop, bought a feeder and waterer. I ordered a 25kg bag of layer's mash.

What happened? They didn't bloody well contact me. "The rescue must have been delayed" i thought. But no. On logging on to the website there are plenty of pictures of smug fucking hippies with their smug (if bald) fucking hens. It seems they took my money but didn't bother to contact me. The next rescue wasn't planned until a few months in the future. By that time it would have been midwinter, and not the best of times to bring bald hens to a free range.

The coop is still there in my garden, laughing at me. And let's not even mention the fucking 25kg bag of layer's mash.

Fucking hippies. It's a cliche, but true: Never trust a hippy.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 4 Dec 2009, 16:19, closed)

How odd?
I did it through the "Battery Hen Welfare Trust", they organise re-homing days and dont ask for any up-front payment. They only ask for £1 per chicken and you pay on the day.

www.bhwt.org.uk/
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 16:23, closed)

There's a book in this

( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 21:59, closed)

"Me, Myself & Charlie"
"One Man and His Chicken"
"Love Me, Love My Hen"
"So Long And Thanks For All The Eggs"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 9:28, closed)