Me, I suppose
I went for an interview lately as a developer on an "evidence-based medicine" website. As a fan of Dr. Ben Goldacre and having until recently worked at a medicine-based charity I thought this would be a perfect fit. However, at the first meeting between myself and the person who wanted me to set up this site, she:

* recommended that I read the books of Deepak Chopra and that we should sell them through the website
* suggested that "traditional herbal remedies" from around the world would be an appropriate thing to sell under the banner "evidence-based medicine"
* represented the pair of us to a third party as being from the medical charity that I no longer work for
* told me that I'd also be her personal secretary
* told me that there wasn't any money and I'd be working for free until I sold some Deepak Chopra books

At this point I made my excuses and left.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:39, 59 replies)

Excuses such as 'you're a complete fucking idiot and your business will collapse within six months'?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:03, closed)

Excuses such as
'BEEP BEEP I AM ABOUT TURN FROM A CAR INTO A ROBOT BEEP BEEP'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:12, closed)

COMEDY WEBSITE LOLS

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:20, closed)

AUTOCOCK, FALL OUT!

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:36, closed)

I was a bit more circumspect than that, I think I said something about personal reasons and wished her all the best in her future endeavours
Then I contacted the medical charity whose name she was using fraudulently and they basically outed her as a quack and borderline nutter, collapsing her business within six days
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:17, closed)

While your obsession with having sexual relations with robots still sickens me, well played.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:35, closed)

If memory serves, Arcee was pretty foxy,
as far as cartoon robots go (y'know, when I was 8, or whatever).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:29, closed)

You're actually worse than a furry.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 21:08, closed)

Needless to say, you had the last laugh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:41, closed)

Yeah, it does come across a bit like that
but it goes to show that she couldn't have picked a worse person for the job
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:48, closed)

One of those Decepticon wankers, yeah?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:50, closed)

Is that really the best you can do?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:52, closed)

You really want him to break out his (optimus) prime material?
It probably won't even end up in your top ten trolls.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:56, closed)

Well if I am to be trailed by a series of obsessive spastics spouting Transformers references they could at least make some sort of effort at a pun
I noticed you've at least had a go...though I'd probably have gone with "Decepticock" or "Megapr0n". And then there are the Transformers whose names just lend themselves to innuendo, like Slag, Grapple, Thrust, Discharge, Slapper, Erector, Skids...there's even one called Nexus Prime which is the name of a best selling vibrator and someone at Hasbro forgot to Google it. Or maybe we could move on to Star Trek? I prefer Star Trek if I'm honest.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 12:22, closed)

Ah so your 'top ten' list is finally revealed!
My plan worked.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 12:54, closed)

Yes, well done, a list of eight names comprises a 'top ten'
Little kids could work this stuff out on their fingers, but the average qotw spastic can't even get that far. You wanna swap ten pound coins for one of your ten pound notes?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 13:01, closed)

Oh man, I'm an innumerate idiot!!!!
Still, at least I'm not some creepy autist with an embarrassing fixation on a piss-poor 1980s children's cartoon with toy cash-in, onto which I've managed to shoehorn a sordid sexual angle. That would be really fucking unpleasant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:19, closed)

I love the way you spastics get something caught in your heads and then make up some story to get worked up about
Keep trying, Monty. You know this stuff feeds me.

Oh, but you're being a bit too kind - you're not just an innumerate idiot, you're a complete and utter idiot.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:44, closed)

Aren't you the fucking idiot who went on for months about your 'goldmine' Transformers Porn which was gonna make you loadsa money
Sadly on closer inspection this is the tranformers pornography, which the astute out there will note has precious little to do with transformers and the Sun contains more 'pornography' ileftmytoysout.tumblr.com/tagged/i_left_my_toys_out . Just you watch though this time next year Emvee will be a millionaire off the back of it and will finally get to leave his doss bedsit in finsbury park, just you all wait and see.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:45, closed)

BZZZZZ
Wrong again, Rory, but if it suits you to think I live in Finsbury Park then let's say I live in Finsbury Park. And while the website is just a (minor) hobby for me, I'm really enjoying the way it gets you interspastics all riled up and righteous.

Keep posting the link too, willya? Cheers.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:52, closed)

Finsbury Park isn’t even in my top ten whore-ridden North London cesspits

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:04, closed)

Oh noes a spastic doesn't like a place where I don't live
Are you and Rory competing for cretin of the thread? At the moment I think you're ahead but only because of the sheer volume of mindless fuckwittery on display. Rory has some catching up to do, let's see what he can come up with.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:07, closed)

I think it might be best if you chill out for a minute.
You seem to be a little flustered - I'm a little worried about your stress levels. I mean, even with the rollicking success of your robot sex venture, you appear to be a little hot under the collar here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:10, closed)

No, not really
I am feeling vaguely guilty about exploiting the feeble-minded for my own amusement, but as I'm off work today I haven't really got anything better to do. I've already weeded the garden, taken out the rubbish and unblocked the drain in the upstairs bathroom after all, so talking to you isn't that much different.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:16, closed)

You're basically the Malcolm McLaren of robot sex aren't you?
A kind of maverick, string-pulling svengali who holds all the cards and yet no-one knows they're just pawns in your big crazy game.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:18, closed)

I'm much worse than that

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:24, closed)

You truly are

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:26, closed)

Fo sho Emvs, I mean the more I link it the more popular it'll get right ? I'm sure it's set to take the internet by storm, it just seems to be very slow at the moment, but I'm sure one day soon it's set to smash it.
We just all have to believe in 'I left my toys out', perhaps even putting cynicism to one side that it's a site put together by gay bent spastics for gay bent spastics ileftmytoysout.tumblr.com/tagged/i_left_my_toys_out


PS I'm very sorry that I've gotten the precise location of your super secret bedsit hovel wrong, I'll try not to do that in future.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:09, closed)

Ah, like a puppet on a string
"Aren't you the fucking idiot who went on for months about your 'goldmine' Transformers Porn which was gonna make you loadsa money?"

Why would I do that, when I have another fucking idiot who does it of his own volition?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:12, closed)

Exactly Emvee you're controlling me as your very own marionette, fulfilled with the sole purpose of showing you up as a bit of a spastic
it was cringeworthy even by b3ta standards, but I recall you kept banging on about this amazing site of yours that let you see wimmins bewds !!! Like for reel !! Look at me I have wimmins with bewbs come to my horrible bedsit in finsbury park and then get their bewbs out !!


ileftmytoysout.tumblr.com/tagged/i_left_my_toys_out
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:19, closed)

Don't you feel used?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:27, closed)

THIS...IS...THE....BEST...INTERNET...EVER
ileftmytoysout.tumblr.com/tagged/i_left_my_toys_out
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:29, closed)

I've got a DVD out at Christmas
I'll pass on the link when it's ready, you could maybe even get an Amazon referrer id and make yourself some sweets money
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:32, closed)

I have to say, those are some dreadfully unattractive women.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 18:18, closed)

Then it's probably just as well
no-one cares about the opinion of a fat spastic like you

'cause if that's the first time you've seen the site, so far all you've been doing in this thread is parroting AB or Rory Lyon, for fuck's sake, without knowing what you've been talking about

which is frankly pathetic, you fucking sheep
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 18:41, closed)

Rory you idiot, you’ve been the unwitting victim of Emvee’s ‘marketing by remote control’ plan all along!

You’re like a kind of kids’-cartoon-creepy-sex Manchurian candidate.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:16, closed)

I... JUST... CAN'T... CONTROL...MYSELF....
ileftmytoysout.tumblr.com/tagged/i_left_my_toys_out
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:22, closed)

MUST....PROMOTE....SITE...........

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:24, closed)

EMVEE... IS... CONTROLLING... ME... WITH...HIS...SECRET....VIRGIN...POWERS...
ileftmytoysout.tumblr.com/tagged/i_left_my_toys_out
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:28, closed)

Yeah, sorry about that
it only works on virgins, see

and it helps if they're stupid
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 18:02, closed)

Thumbs aren't fingers

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:27, closed)

I wasn't sure if he'd comprehend "digit"

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:52, closed)

Yes, you creepy flid, I'm clearly borderline illiterate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:08, closed)

You're innumerate, borderline illiterate
and a staggeringly tedious cunt to boot

Keep posting, I love it when you line up.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:10, closed)

I think you and 'A Vagabond' should form a band.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:12, closed)

I think you and 'Rory Lyon' should form a suicide pact

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:13, closed)

Seriously blud get writing those songs!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:14, closed)

here here

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 9:58, closed)

You awful bastard.
I'm sure there are hordes of mugs recent graduates who would have jumped at the chance to do work like that for free.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 11:57, closed)

Yeah, I do feel a bit guilty about denying someone the chance to learn a very valuable life lesson

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 12:10, closed)

Name and shame.
*hopes for internet lynching*
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 13:34, closed)

I can't really...but if I do see a website appear at the url then I may be less discreet

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:00, closed)

No problem!
Name: Emvee
Shame: creepy sexual fetish relating to a children's television programme
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:00, closed)

Now all I need is for you to change your sig to something about me
keep trying, Monty, keep trying
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:09, closed)

My sig is about you.
Specifically about what can be found encrusted on your 'CB radio' single duvet cover.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:05, closed)

I'm in awe of by how much you've missed the point
but then again I didn't have high hopes for you
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 16:28, closed)

Man, that was close - there was almost an entire subthread without you in it.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:24, closed)

Nothing wrong with Deepak Chopra books, provided they're printed on soft paper.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:18, closed)

Good point

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 17:25, closed)