All of a sudden
I realise I need a haircut
Because I'm training with the army at Deepcut.

They're going to shave my scalp bare
And feel me up whilst I stand in my underwear!

After cleaning the scissors with barbicide
They bugger the recruits and drive them to suicide!
( Roman Totale, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 22:45, archived)

My
but you are a ray of sunshine.
(Hey Jonny, Park! Fluffeh Pleece, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 22:46, archived)

Or at least you were, oh --
Those summers we spent together
You'd love, you'd care
For my l'Oreal hair
But it had to end
and there, girlfriend,
we made a sweet farewell, you stroked my locks
then I sailed off from the docks

All of sudden I realise I need a haircuit
And together we never will be
( Hoohah Bibbly-bobbly-bubbly-snibbly wib-wib floppit., Sun 27 Mar 2005, 22:51, archived)

or...
Those summers we spent together
screwing gently in the heather
You'd love, you'd care
For my pubic hair
But I infected my end
and there, girlfriend,
I visted a GP, he said Hepatitis B
they found lumps in my rocks
My love life left the docks

All of sudden I realise I need a haircut
I wonder if the shop is still open at 6?
(Hey Jonny, Park! Fluffeh Pleece, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 23:00, archived)

Oh maybe it will be
All of a sudden I realise I need a haircut
Maybe it will be
All of a sudden I realise I need a haircut
Maybe it will be...
OH BOLLOOOOOOOOOCKS!
It's a baaaaaaaank holiday.
( Hoohah Bibbly-bobbly-bubbly-snibbly wib-wib floppit., Sun 27 Mar 2005, 23:06, archived)

I'm sensing
a punk undercurrent
(Hey Jonny, Park! Fluffeh Pleece, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 23:07, archived)

*applauds*

(FluffehNinja, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 22:46, archived)

*bows*
and ribbons
( Roman Totale, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 22:49, archived)

now, let's try rap
all of a sudden
i realise i need a haircut

FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU
FUCKING SUCK ME OFF
MOTHERFUCKING
MOTHERFUCKER

FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT
YOU FUCKING FUCK
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU,
YOU MOTHERFUCKING CUNT
(1, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 22:49, archived)

now, Goth metal
All of a sudden I realise I need a haircut
But no one understands me because
Life in private school is just so tough

So I'll dye it black! Black against the day!
But then Mummy went and took my pocket money away!
Oh how can she not understand my dilema?
Is it because I went and used the last of her Henna?

Oh I need a haircut! A haircut!
Do not tie me down you institutional, short haired zealot!
( Roman Totale, Sun 27 Mar 2005, 23:01, archived)