I am appearing in an amature dramatics play tonight.
It's my first time on stage since I was in the scout gang show at the age of about 11. It is fvcking scary.

Advice please.

Ta.
(Stripes, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

Don't fuck it up
Mummy will be so disappointed in you.
( Theoban What of it, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

learn to spell

( WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

This skill will serve you well in life.

( WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

Stand about on stage swearing a lot.
You might get a government grant for New Performance Art.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

But could Wormy cope with the competition? Or would he just shit himself?
That was one of your installations, right Wormy?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 27 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

You are incorrect
PHILISTINE
( WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

Fucking SCOUTS?
Scouts + Amateur Dramatics = Raving Bumlordings.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

Don't piss yourself on stage
unless it's part of your act, of course.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

be more attractive than you currently are.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

Photos

( WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

nah just guessing

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Enjoy it
And if you fuck up, try not to let on that you've fucked up.
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

Break a leg
either one will do
( CanonCaliber A big bore, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

Being on stage is fucking dead easy

Just chill out and have fun.

if you fuck up a line just say 'line' and don't sweat it. don't dither asking and get prompted. People will respect you more if you do so.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

Stay at home and pretend to be poorly
I did that when I was meant to be in a laugh a minute lolathon about the Spanish civil war. I was a Russian bureaucrat, except I wasn't.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Imagine everyone can see you naked

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

Don't put your Daughter on the stage, Mrs. McCann
good luck, break a leg and all that
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

take comfort that you can't be any worse than I was
when I was made to dress up as Roy Orbison at First School, given a full sized acoustic guitar that was bigger than I was, and made to mime "Pretty Woman"
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 27 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

To summarise:

get naked;
swear a lot;
piss myself;
break my legs; and
bum someone.

Will do, thanks! It will be quite a show…
(Stripes, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:52, archived)