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My touchpad mouse isn't working
It keeps jumping where I don't want it to jump and it's being gay and shit.

Can you help?

I can help.

Seriously though, can you? It's beginning to piss me off.
(__, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:04, archived)
wash your hands

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:06, archived)
hah, yep

(I helped save b3ta! MrA, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
good contribution MrA
great job.
(I helped save b3ta! MrA, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:42, archived)
Yes I have a special URL here with a program
That stops your hands being spasticated.
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:07, archived)
How is it being gay?
Is it licking your finger?
(I helped save b3ta! Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Massage it with a sledgehammer.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Is your laptop quite warm/hot?
/serious
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:08, archived)
Is it getting hot in there?
Have you tried taking off all your clothes?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:10, archived)
yeah, buy a proper mouse

(I helped save b3ta! well, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:09, archived)
^

(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)
This also.
I got one for 3 quid odd in Asda, it's very good.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:39, archived)
I can help.
Turn the computer off.

Permanently.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:12, archived)
Try cleaning your filth off it.

(I helped save b3ta! Taylorcamb, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:13, archived)
How much gravy is on it?

(I helped save b3ta! Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:17, archived)
It's fucked.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:18, archived)
This is actually a proper answer.
Ubuntu has this problem with some touchpads, and the only solution is to not use it and get a mouse.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:20, archived)
Mine's fucked due to overuse and overheating.
The middle bit is all worn and melted slightly.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)
How much are you paying baldmonkey?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:20, archived)
For what?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:21, archived)
He seems to be acting as a spindoctor on your behalf.
Constantly claiming that you're great.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:22, archived)
stop trying to make sense of anything baldmonkey does.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:23, archived)
Most of what he does makes sense to me.
Except for his LIES about EGGS.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:25, archived)
He's doing that to be an annoying prick.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)
He's trying to undo all my hard work.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:24, archived)
Well that'll teach you not to work hard, then.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:26, archived)
I've spent nearly four years working on my reputation of being a cunt,
and he's coming along and ruining it all.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:29, archived)
You're lovely.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:30, archived)
FUCK OFF.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:32, archived)
That's FANTASTIC!
Quick everybody, GAZ BraynDedd to thank him for that awesome post.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:35, archived)
I still think you're a cunt,
for what it's worth.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:34, archived)
Your opinion is worthless due to your refusal to vote.
This means nothing to me.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
Clean it.
And your hands. Cheapo cleaning wipes are excellent for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:37, archived)
I hardly ever use a mouse these days.
I like my Bamboo. I usually have 3 windows running (like this) I find the Bamboo much easier
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)
what's a Bamboo?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:47, archived)
It's something pandas eat.
Alternatively, graphics tablet.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch_NuUgvb7s
(I helped save b3ta! nick the greek, Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)

www.wacom.com/bambootablet/bamboofun.php
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 7 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)