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I watched 30 seconds of Hollyoaks earlier
Female: "So, how come a handsome man like you is still single"
Male: "Oh, well, I just don't think I've found the right guy yet"
Female: *shocked face*
Male: "I mean.. girl!"

*End of episode guitar riff*

How would you write a shitty cliffhanger to a shitty soap? IT'S CREATIVE TIME, PEOPLE.
(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:23, archived)
I'd put a pin in a condom.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:23, archived)
Odd

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:24, archived)
Suppose if you're into sadism

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:24, archived)
Sweet.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:25, archived)
Or if your cock was the size of a pin lol smallcock

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:25, archived)
I'd love a crime show where the detective was called Lol Smallcock

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)
Lol Smallcock P.I

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:31, archived)
Smallcock & Fatface, diseased

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:33, archived)
HAR!

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:43, archived)
Or masochism

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:25, archived)
I don't know
But my fella just fly sprayed his strip light - and it literally rained aphids
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:24, archived)
DID IT LITERALLY RAIN APHIDS
LITERALLY

OUT FROM CLOUDS

AND RAIN

APHIDS

LITERALLY
(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:25, archived)
There were at least 100
Falling from one striplight.
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)
That's not rain is it?
That's, at least, 100 aphids falling from a strip light.
(I helped save b3ta! St. Defenestration The REAL one, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:51, archived)
Fucking hell
literally rained + fell off
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 1:32, archived)
dot cotton vomits onto her own vag

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)
oh god

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)
smokin a fag with her vag

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:27, archived)
vag........fags.......

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)
just smokin it up man

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)
"i'm a doctor and i say if we don't get this man some cornflakes right now HE'S GOING TO DIE"
"but... WE'RE OUT OF MILK!"
(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)
So
Milk isn't Cornflakes.

This has too many plotholes. D-.
(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)
it's a soap

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)
I don't know. I'm fed up.
I've just watched a video of a friend from school dancing with Take That on stage. I work in insurance.

*grumble*

I'm very pleased for her, she's worked very hard. She gets to touch Mark Owen's bottom. And she gets PAID to do it.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)
You've reminded me
Was having a brilliant night out with some mates. We all went back to a friend's house - beer and music. Was all good. Suddenly, the frend's gay housemate arrived and joined us. At one point, he switched all the music off and put in a specially made mixtape full of Take That instrumentals and did a special dance routine. For 45 minutes.

it wasn't that good. Me and one other guy just stared in boredom, wondering why the night had suddenly reached a new low. Nobody else was dancing, and whenever we sang along to the music, GayGuy McDanceface told us to shut up.

We promptly left.

That is all.
(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:34, archived)
That's possibly the most tragic story of overly-camp homosexuality I have ever heard.r

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)
an old friend of mine from school is a violinist in the stage version of jeff wayne's muscial war of the worlds

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)
My friend has a better job than your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)
JEFF WAYNE

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:38, archived)
Jeff Goldblum

(__, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:39, archived)
Jeff Bridges.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)
jeff lynne

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)
Jeff Hardy.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)
Kiss me, Hardy

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)
*kisses you, hard*

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:55, archived)
Eeeeeeee

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)
PHWOAR.
I'm off to bed. Some of us have work in the morning.
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:58, archived)
Also, mongy's doing a good job of winding /board up.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:59, archived)
To be fair, they're doing most of the work themselves.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 1:38, archived)
My God, Hollyoaks is a massive pile of old shit and no mistake.

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:37, archived)
^this
still, I can't really talk, I watch Eastenders. Though I think I only do that so I can hate myself for watching Eastenders.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:42, archived)
"Woodsidean reaction"
is the technical term for quickly leaping up and turning off the telly on hearing the first two notes of the Hollyoaks theme.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:51, archived)
Haha
I don't think the reaction is unique to you though
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:59, archived)
Wouldn't it be easier to change the channel?

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 1:33, archived)
I'd make the whole cast beat the same old platitudes into the viewers at great length for the whole half-hour,
then, as the time ran out, make it look like something really exciting was about to happen and end the episode right there and then. Then carry on in the next one as if nothing had happened. Because it didn't.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:50, archived)
That's just foolish
no-one would EVER watch anything like that
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 0:52, archived)
probably more an eastenders plot
Mother: I think our daughter and her boyfriend slept together in our bed while we were away
Father: that's the last straw, she's out of the house.
Mother: let me talk to her first

{later}
Mother:Where did you have sex with your boyfriend?
Daughter: I can't say.
Mother: Can't or wont?
Daughter: I don't want to say.
Mother: Tell me! Where did you have sex with your boyfriend?
Daughter: In the arse
{cue music and credits}
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 1:47, archived)