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JOKE ONE
Awooga. What a rush. Right. Yeah, I got my notes here just in case I completely forget what I'm fucking saying. So, how are we all? Are we all good? Excellent, excellent.

Right, like, I was sort of rehearsing earlier. It is an absolute fucking pleasure to be here in despite the fact that my heart is currently going nineteen to a dozen and I feel like I'm about to take my driving test. Which I failed three times in a row. However, I- the last time I maintain it wasn't my fault.

I like to maintain- thanks there- I like to maintain- God, that's fucking distracting.

I like to maintain that it wasn't actually my fault. It was actually the fact that the OAP stepped out in front of me. And the fact that the driving examiner was actually y-

Are you fucking filming? You bastard. Oh for God's sakes. Anyway, urm.

I like to maintain that it wasn't my fault. It was in fact the fault of the driving examiner in that she didn't get there with the dual controls quick enough. That, and she was a frustrated Daily Mail reading bitch queen man-hating whore from hell. But, so it goes so.
(__, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:11, archived)
I'm not reading it.
I'll just assume this is shit. Someone inform me if I'm wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:13, archived)
JOKE TWO
Wait a sec, so, I asked how you-we all were earlier. And, you know, you all obviously responded in the positive. But the answer that you never expect- which admittedly, I've never got- but you live in hope and you don't turn round and say "Actually Jim, I've just been bumraped by a tramp". Yes, I know that's gross humour but, any porn in a storm, right. Especially tramps.
(__, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:15, archived)
I cannot be fucked to transcribe any more

(__, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:16, archived)
please do,
me and the doveston just did a cover version of it, live in the front room, him on guitar.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:20, archived)
What is he talking about mr goblin?
He's gone all rigby
(I helped save b3ta! mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:31, archived)
it is the transcript from the stand up comedy routine
of the ever popular piston-broke
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:34, archived)
Is there a link?
Do I want a link?
(I helped save b3ta! mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:40, archived)
no, you do not want a link.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:41, archived)

www.jamescartercomedy.com
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:41, archived)
Was it actually a joke or is it for real?
I'm confused
(I helped save b3ta! mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:44, archived)
Serious comedy this.

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:46, archived)
It is confusing
I can't tell if he's being ironic and being shit at it or if he's a shit comedian. Either way I just wish it would stop.
(I helped save b3ta! mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:50, archived)
HE TRIED HIS BEST STOP BULLYING THE POOR BOY
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:58, archived)
thank you thank you
I have wanted to see this since it was posted and then he pulled it off youtube.

what a fucking train wreck.

comedy mould.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:57, archived)
with every part you do a little bit of you dies

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:26, archived)
and i do mean the littlest bit wink wink

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:27, archived)
SO NOT HIS FACE THEN

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:34, archived)
LOL!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:36, archived)
NOW I SEE!
It's the James Carter comedy gold.
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:17, archived)
:(

(__, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:17, archived)
He needs to break the text up a little if he wants us to read all that.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:19, archived)
THANK YOU FRIZ.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:23, archived)
I BET I LOST INTEREST QUICKEST

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:13, archived)
I watched it all :(

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:22, archived)
I also watched it all.
I feel scarred.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:23, archived)
i watch it all every day before work,
to motivate me to do better.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:24, archived)
*tumbleweed*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:13, archived)

all that rubbish lol
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:15, archived)
Tell you what, let's fill up the popular page with posts that say nothing but "lol".
I'll start.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:17, archived)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:17, archived)
Well that went well.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:21, archived)
Nobody likes you.
Stop being so bitter.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:28, archived)
Quick, post a Yahoo! news link and make everything alright.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:29, archived)
Print out 1000 pictures of your face coloured green
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:33, archived)
how many times did you have to watch that video to get all of this out of it?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:16, archived)
That's the first 45 seconds
If anybody could transcribe more, that'd be excellent. I just... it's just..


...


.. I can't. I can't watch anymore.
(__, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:17, archived)
This, coming from someone who thinks caps = wit.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:19, archived)
Trilbies are funnier

(__, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:22, archived)
I realise it is the first bit, but, really, why?
why do it at all?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:20, archived)
I've just got home.
I am a barmaid extraordinaire.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:29, archived)
I couldn't be arsed readin that
Skip to the end?
(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:41, archived)