You berk.
For a proper qftw entry that has to conclude with "So I did indeed foam the chinky girls face with my big brush later that very night. No apologies for length. Cheers."
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:12, archived)

I showed her my big top.
hyuk hyuk hyuk.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:13, archived)

I swung around her ring on my flying trapeze
and then shook my chair in her lion's face. If you know what I mean.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:14, archived)

I showed her who the ringmaster was!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:15, archived)

ringmaster dwarf clown who gets dumped face first in the "bucket of foam"
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:16, archived)

She put tension on my guy-rope.
2 weeks out of 3 I've been on the QOTW popular page.

*edited.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:17, archived)

That made me chuckle lots...

( BindiBaji, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

He probably didn't even ram it up her pie

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:16, archived)

Who'd fuck a carnie?!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:18, archived)

You could've had carnie knowledge of her

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:19, archived)

Soppy cunt'd just take her to the flicks and then pretend he didn't want any pie anyway
We have established recently that Maffers is a bummer and a sponge bummer at that.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:27, archived)

I refute that!
I never took anyone to the pics.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:29, archived)

Christ, you fail so hard at women
Do you want me to give it the old "My mate fancies you" thing?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:31, archived)

No, she's been busy with exams and shit and college and I can't bother my arse over it.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:33, archived)

Yeah yeah

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:35, archived)

I've got a lass who just wants some fun hovering around.
But I'll have to find a window nearby first, so I can throw my standards out of it.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:37, archived)

The problem here is that you could boff her til her eyes bleed and standards wouldn't matter
As long as no one got told. I had friend like that for years. Utter filth but I'd not want to wake up next to that face. I came undone when I left my key under her bed and she turned up at my brother's house to give me it back.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:41, archived)

She's my cousins bridesmaid tomorrow
trust me, someone would find out. lol.

She seems proper filthy though. I wouldn't mind having someone to just throw about and have some really cheap, baser instinct fulfilling sex with.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:44, archived)

Bet you end up getting pegged

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:47, archived)

And figged

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

and mugged, probably

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:00, archived)

By Suggs.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)

Pegged?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

When the lady puts on a strapon and does you up the bum
You Scottish know it as 'gowan hen, gi' me arse a good goin'
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

Nah, that'll never happen.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

It's a slippery slope, one day you're having a nice pie sandwich
The next you're tied to a tree in the middle of the park and an alsation is eating pedigree chum off your dobber while yer bird plays vivaldi's 'the four seasons' on the violin as she dances round you wearing naught but a holly wreath
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:54, archived)

You're a strange, strange man.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:58, archived)

You say that now but you'll be enjoying Tree Vivaldi Dogsex before long
And then who will be winner? I.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

I've seen this happen

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Yeah I hear it's pretty common in the East Riding

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

National sport of Bridlington
I'm in the West
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:01, archived)

I got my first tattoo in Bridlington.
True story.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

I'm from the 'riding which doesn't actually exist'
Fucking South Yorkshire man, it's not even a real shire
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

The Halifax building society once ran an ad
Basically saying they were the top dog over "all four Ridings".
Four. Tools.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:09, archived)

I still feel quite guilty about it
I was horrible to her when she had actual feelings for me. I was a right cunt when I was younger. I wouldn't mind but I was hardly beating the fanny off with a big shitty stick. Still, she ended up marrying a bloke called Jonathan ten years her junior. How very amusing. Not then ten year, thing. The name.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:48, archived)

i don't think being fit and attractive makes being a cunt more acceptable.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

You are correct
I'm very sorry :(
I hope you're not insinuating that I was ever fit or attractive? I'm too stupid at this time of day.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:56, archived)

it wasn't intended in any way as a personal comment.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

I'll come back and read this later when my brain works
Stop trying to confound me, woman!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:00, archived)

all the cut will be absorbed by it been a dog

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:02, archived)

I had a lass called Debbie who was all in to me but had said from the word go it was just sex.
So I refused to go any further and was a bit of a dick really.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

I'm pretty disgusted by this no-pie action here
Maffers needs to step up his game and get his mouth around some dripping organ pie
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:29, archived)

I had some fucking pie on Friday so shut up.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

Yeah?
Lungs full of gravy?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:32, archived)

I don't know what that is a euphemism for.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:34, archived)

Give you a tip man
When you've cracked open the pie and the contents are oozing out, dip a crust of bread in, s'nice.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:36, archived)

You lying cunt. You just said you did
It's not the same.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:32, archived)

I fucking did.
Just not from her.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:33, archived)

Lies
The ex doesn't count either
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:35, archived)

Bollocks. :/

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:36, archived)

BUSTED!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:39, archived)

Pie is pie.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:39, archived)