Anybody got any funny stories about going to the fair?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:04, archived)

Yeah, loads

( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:05, archived)

Up the back of the dodgems, eh?
Disgraceful.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:08, archived)

I don't know what you've heard but I haven't got any funny stories about anything

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:08, archived)

Not that funny
on the last night of the fair, behind the big wheel generator, a boy was stabbed and his money was grabbed. The air hung heavy like a dulling whine.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:09, archived)

Hang on a minute ... I've heard this tale before.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:11, archived)

You should've stopped me
if you thought that you'd heard that one before.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:18, archived)

meat is magic!

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:00, archived)

I just posted this
www.b3ta.com/questions/fairgrounds/post1233558

You can decide for yourself, probably had to be there.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:10, archived)

You berk.
For a proper qftw entry that has to conclude with "So I did indeed foam the chinky girls face with my big brush later that very night. No apologies for length. Cheers."
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:12, archived)

I showed her my big top.
hyuk hyuk hyuk.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:13, archived)

I swung around her ring on my flying trapeze
and then shook my chair in her lion's face. If you know what I mean.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:14, archived)

I showed her who the ringmaster was!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:15, archived)

ringmaster dwarf clown who gets dumped face first in the "bucket of foam"
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:16, archived)

She put tension on my guy-rope.
2 weeks out of 3 I've been on the QOTW popular page.

*edited.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:17, archived)

That made me chuckle lots...

( BindiBaji, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

He probably didn't even ram it up her pie

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:16, archived)

Who'd fuck a carnie?!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:18, archived)

You could've had carnie knowledge of her

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:19, archived)

Soppy cunt'd just take her to the flicks and then pretend he didn't want any pie anyway
We have established recently that Maffers is a bummer and a sponge bummer at that.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:27, archived)

I refute that!
I never took anyone to the pics.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:29, archived)

Christ, you fail so hard at women
Do you want me to give it the old "My mate fancies you" thing?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:31, archived)

No, she's been busy with exams and shit and college and I can't bother my arse over it.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:33, archived)

Yeah yeah

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:35, archived)

I've got a lass who just wants some fun hovering around.
But I'll have to find a window nearby first, so I can throw my standards out of it.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:37, archived)

The problem here is that you could boff her til her eyes bleed and standards wouldn't matter
As long as no one got told. I had friend like that for years. Utter filth but I'd not want to wake up next to that face. I came undone when I left my key under her bed and she turned up at my brother's house to give me it back.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:41, archived)

She's my cousins bridesmaid tomorrow
trust me, someone would find out. lol.

She seems proper filthy though. I wouldn't mind having someone to just throw about and have some really cheap, baser instinct fulfilling sex with.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:44, archived)

Bet you end up getting pegged

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:47, archived)

And figged

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

and mugged, probably

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:00, archived)

By Suggs.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)

Pegged?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

When the lady puts on a strapon and does you up the bum
You Scottish know it as 'gowan hen, gi' me arse a good goin'
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

Nah, that'll never happen.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

It's a slippery slope, one day you're having a nice pie sandwich
The next you're tied to a tree in the middle of the park and an alsation is eating pedigree chum off your dobber while yer bird plays vivaldi's 'the four seasons' on the violin as she dances round you wearing naught but a holly wreath
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:54, archived)

You're a strange, strange man.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:58, archived)

You say that now but you'll be enjoying Tree Vivaldi Dogsex before long
And then who will be winner? I.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

I've seen this happen

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Yeah I hear it's pretty common in the East Riding

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

National sport of Bridlington
I'm in the West
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:01, archived)

I got my first tattoo in Bridlington.
True story.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

I'm from the 'riding which doesn't actually exist'
Fucking South Yorkshire man, it's not even a real shire
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

The Halifax building society once ran an ad
Basically saying they were the top dog over "all four Ridings".
Four. Tools.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:09, archived)

I still feel quite guilty about it
I was horrible to her when she had actual feelings for me. I was a right cunt when I was younger. I wouldn't mind but I was hardly beating the fanny off with a big shitty stick. Still, she ended up marrying a bloke called Jonathan ten years her junior. How very amusing. Not then ten year, thing. The name.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:48, archived)

i don't think being fit and attractive makes being a cunt more acceptable.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

You are correct
I'm very sorry :(
I hope you're not insinuating that I was ever fit or attractive? I'm too stupid at this time of day.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:56, archived)

it wasn't intended in any way as a personal comment.

( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

I'll come back and read this later when my brain works
Stop trying to confound me, woman!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:00, archived)

all the cut will be absorbed by it been a dog

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:02, archived)

I had a lass called Debbie who was all in to me but had said from the word go it was just sex.
So I refused to go any further and was a bit of a dick really.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

I'm pretty disgusted by this no-pie action here
Maffers needs to step up his game and get his mouth around some dripping organ pie
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:29, archived)

I had some fucking pie on Friday so shut up.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:30, archived)

Yeah?
Lungs full of gravy?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:32, archived)

I don't know what that is a euphemism for.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:34, archived)

Give you a tip man
When you've cracked open the pie and the contents are oozing out, dip a crust of bread in, s'nice.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:36, archived)

You lying cunt. You just said you did
It's not the same.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:32, archived)

I fucking did.
Just not from her.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:33, archived)

Lies
The ex doesn't count either
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:35, archived)

Bollocks. :/

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:36, archived)

BUSTED!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:39, archived)

Pie is pie.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:39, archived)

hah, you went properly qotw at the end there
'the clowns all said i was really cool and a pretty lady nearly touched me!'
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:47, archived)

Yes it was deliberate.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

you just missed out the drugs
and the 20 clowns all piling out of a honda accord
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:56, archived)

I still wanted a serious QOTW story.
But with that little flourish.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:58, archived)

serious... qotw?
sorry, you've lost me
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

This time last year when then fair was in the park up the road I went to buy a bottle of wine from the offie
The delightful children of the people running the fair decided they wanted my phone. I didn't have it, but I did have a bottle of wine so I offered it to the head of the chief protagonist, this attracted a further ten or so yoofs with lumps of wood and stone. So I legged it.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:20, archived)

I once went to the fair and nearly got beat up by a couple of drunk people
And one year I got told off for swapping dodgem cars
( magnum, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:24, archived)

Mid ride?

( BindiBaji, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:27, archived)

for a ford escort?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:29, archived)

The only good thing at a fair is the dodgems.
Thats my story I went to a fair and went on the dodgems. It's funny because I went on the dodgems more than once.
( BindiBaji, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:26, archived)

I've never won a goldfish
I'd like to win a goldfish.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:40, archived)

hello.
i had goldfishes but they died of fin rot.

YAYYY.

i hear bags aren't the best habitat for a fish.
( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:45, archived)

Hello binkles
I have 2 tropical fish and they are really boring.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

i have a cat you can borrow to liven them up*
*endeaden them
( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

Binky, I need some advice
The gf's cat has a nice little bell on it after it became quite proficient in catching small birds and other animals. We put a bell on her and she's just catching more now :(
What do?
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:35, archived)

man, if this was the old days you'd get told to CIIJASIIE

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:41, archived)

I have no jam

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:42, archived)

then all hope is lost

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:46, archived)

i haven't ever collared and belled a cat and mine catch fuckloads of beasties.
lock it out to eat them, check it regularly for parasites and cut its claws sometimes, is what i do.
( sleepybinky, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:08, archived)

They die
Or like my uncle Pete's, it made a leap for freedom out of the bowl and perished in a ball of deadly fluff behind the radiogram. Picture for illustrative purposes only for younger readers.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:45, archived)

what was life like during the first world war?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:58, archived)

Fast legs

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

When's your birthday?
Tell cr3 to set up a tombola stall or throw some hoops over poles to win your birthday presents.
One of them could be a fish in a bowl, and a cuddly toy of course. Which he can pin to the roof for realism.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:48, archived)

Needs more Elvis mirror

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:50, archived)

i like the idea of this but it doesn't look like it'd be fun for a fish to live in
www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/pet-gifts-space-wall-fish-tanks.html
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

I won a goldfish a couple of times, but I've never been in the big freezer at McDonalds.
The lord givith and the lord takith away.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

it's not too late, gonz
get a job there and you can go in it WHENEVER YOU LIKE
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Nope

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:05, archived)

I told this Yorkshire bint to knit me a cambric shirt
without no seam nor needlework. And did she? Did she fuck as like.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:10, archived)

Something about Clowns touching kids
Morning oh christ I feel like battered shit X(
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)