BREAKING NEWS
i have to go and release a field mouse from a trap in a friend's house. how far away does it need to be to get completely lost and not come back?
(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 11:36, archived)

insert 'far enough for you to get lost as well' joke here
(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 11:37, archived)

Just go to your nearest field

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 11:51, archived)

Oh right, and sentence it to an eventual horrific combine harvester death
why not just drop it into a food mixer right now
(dribble, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:05, archived)

Vegans should avoid food containing cereal crops, almost certainly there's bits of animals in there

(dribble, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:17, archived)

People who are allergic to cockroaches have to avoid ground coffee because of the frequent inclusion of cockroach body parts

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:37, archived)

that's what makes it delicious
how do you find out you're allergic to cockroaches and not just coffee?

you'd have to eat a cockroach on its own to find out i guess.
(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:52, archived)

If you survive you inherit its radiation resistance

(dribble, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:54, archived)

You ask a cockroach.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 13:00, archived)

I said 'field', not 'Wurzels festival'.

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:30, archived)

i read it as Wurzels festival tbh

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:51, archived)

Qualcast mutilates
(dribble, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:52, archived)

The fieldmouse is a small rodent native to Europe. It is the fastest land animal, capable of running at 80 to 128 km/h (50 to 80 mph), and as such has several adaptations for speed, including a light build, long thin legs and a long tail.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 19 Dec 2020, 11:57, archived)

i choose to believe all of these facts

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:51, archived)

Approximately 50cm from your nearest cat.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 12:57, archived)

Windmill in old Amsterdam

(Nicki Minaj, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 13:18, archived)

And take its clogs.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 19 Dec 2020, 14:16, archived)

Half a mile

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis too rass, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 13:49, archived)

thank you

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:11, archived)

Pleasure.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis too rass, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:16, archived)

love you xxx

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:42, archived)

Flush it down the crapper

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 13:55, archived)

Some terrapins too

(dribble, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 14:39, archived)

Followed by some pizza

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:25, archived)

either kill it
or accept its inevitable return
(piss and shit, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 14:39, archived)

i will do neither such option things

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:43, archived)

Oh tier 4 sounds exciting, good old london getting special treatment

(Nicki Minaj, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:22, archived)

Christmas cancelled, thanks Obama

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:24, archived)

My brother will be over the moon, he cant stand his in laws, and I just walked through Leicester sq and its fucking packed with cunts jammed together

(Nicki Minaj, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:27, archived)

Still in tier 2 up in the frozen north, gonna get substantial’d into oblivion

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:32, archived)

I know a few pubs in london doing outdoor pints but it's too bloody cold, ok during the 1st lockdown

(Nicki Minaj, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 15:42, archived)

samesies xx

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Sat 19 Dec 2020, 16:20, archived)