hullo
I'm having a row with a spastic on eBay, what are you up to?

Trying my hand at Roy Choi's fried chicken recipe 2moz, and am smoking lamb shanks on Sunday, weather permitting. Trying to find things to cook that take hours of fannying about to produce, in order to fill up the days. What a fucking world, eh guy's?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 14:53, archived)

I'm replying to a spastic on beeter

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 8 Jan 2021, 14:55, archived)

I had a mooch about to see if any pubs were selling illegal off licence pints, all closed . Hometime then.

(Nicki Minaj, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 14:58, archived)

just went out to the shop/for a walk, it's fackin freezing out there today
should've worn my goose down coat
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:38, archived)

It certainly is , I'm waiting for a bus and wearing my mask for warmth

(Nicki Minaj, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:40, archived)

heh, just did the same, they're coming in handy now

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:46, archived)

Listening to my neighbour cough her lungs up
for the second week straight
(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:01, archived)

nice

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:33, archived)

Her own fault
been behaving like there's no pandemic all year, a miracle it took this long

Just hope she doesn't decide to sneeze through my letterbox or something
(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:04, archived)

Gay slang

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:04, archived)

falling asleep at my desk, looks like this week's random and crap sleep schedule is catching up with me
might have a lamb shank meself
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:25, archived)

lamb shank eh?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:34, archived)

THAT'S RIGHT, ALAN HERE HAS MADE AN OBVIOUS WANK JOKE
top marks for spotting it
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:47, archived)

lol upset

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:51, archived)

I think he just didn't get it and was wondering if I was planning on gatecrashing your gaff on Sunday

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:59, archived)

might order the poor sod some iodine on ebay

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:04, archived)

am smoking lamb sh w
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:48, archived)

hey, I wonder if dozer will be able to work this one out too!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:57, archived)

nope, lost on me

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:59, archived)

doubt it, he's banned from here isn't he?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:59, archived)

if only

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:04, archived)

Learning to sight read music
I really have regressed to being a teenager again. I'm living with my parents and they're taking the piss out of the awful noises I'm making.

Gonna crack open a bottle of wine in a bit. Then I'll give the other half a call - he's about to start working in a pop-up hospital helping turn 'ronas over. It takes a team of ten to do it, apparently, with all the tubes and wires running into people. Either that or they're very fat. Either way it'll probably be traumatic and deeply unpleasant but at least he's had his first jab well over a week ago which means he'll be well on the way to some level of immunity soon and will get a second one in a couple of weeks.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:54, archived)

welcome, mysterious new poster!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:58, archived)

Wotcha

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:08, archived)

no personal details pls

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:00, archived)

Then stop being so easy to talk to
I really feel like you understand me
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:08, archived)

uh oh, I don't see this account lasting very long

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:15, archived)

I cannot fucking wait for mrs queef to get hers

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:03, archived)

What? Bass guitar?
ladies always look cool playing bass.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:08, archived)

*agrees in Suzi Quatro*

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:14, archived)

Didn't the pretty one in the bangles play bass ?

(Nicki Minaj, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:28, archived)

nah, lead
god she was gorgeous bitd
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:30, archived)

Still looks good, but..my blood runs cold my memory has just been sold my angel is a jew

(Nicki Minaj, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:35, archived)

oh MAN

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:37, archived)

How do they chop the foreskin off if it has no genitals, I'm confused

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:46, archived)

rabbi's hate this one trick!
watch this video to find out
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:55, archived)

Tina Weymouth <3

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:53, archived)

Back then, i mean
I don't have a thing for pensioners just yet
(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:56, archived)

Sean Yseult or D'Arcy Wretzky?
You can't say both, or neither.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:26, archived)

Sean

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:39, archived)

CORRECT ANSWER

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:42, archived)

Terrible bullying of Kim Deal :(

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:45, archived)

haha, she got a raw 'Deal' here eh guy's?!!

guy's...?


where are you, guy's?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:00, archived)

I have just found out that Patricia Morrison (bassist of late era, shit Sisters of Mercy fame) is now married to Dave Vanian of the Damned
Riveting stuff
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:09, archived)

b3ta account?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:24, archived)

she refers to this place as 'your joke site'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:31, archived)

Clearly she hasn't seen b3ta.com since about 2005.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:49, archived)

since about 2005
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:28, archived)

Living apart to reduce the risk to you, or your parents need the company?

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:06, archived)

nah, gary's husband found out he's gay and threw him out
can you believe it?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:09, archived)

It was the little things that gave me away...

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:12, archived)

well I think it's dreadful, you poor man
you'd think in this day and age this sort of thing wouldn't happen any more
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:16, archived)

lol

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:13, archived)

I did a couple of those nasal swap tests before Christmas
and came back to Wales, originally just for the duration of the holiday but then it all went a bit crazy and we all thought I may as well stay here instead of going back to London. I'll sneak back over the border sometime next month. By then the whole adherence to rules will have collapsed anyway so I should be able to get away with it.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:11, archived)

Hopefully in a month's time the overwhelming will have eased off a bit
Ridiculous that they built these nightingales without considering there might need to be actual staff in them
(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:16, archived)

well the good news is that with the freedom of movement laws we can easily recruit people from the EU

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:20, archived)

Perhaps we can train up all these ex bar staff who don't want to learn "cyber"

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:41, archived)

does a pop-up hospital fold flat into a book when you're not using it?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:10, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8288423
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:32, archived)

lol, fair

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:00, archived)

Streetlife, m8

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:09, archived)

He'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:18, archived)

Ezekiel 23:20
/ac
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:01, archived)

the Lord truly does move in mysterious ways

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:29, archived)

making bedsocks for my nephews
and trying to decide what to have for dinner
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:26, archived)

pie and mash here

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:37, archived)

thinking of something that i can incorporate quail's eggs into
bought them yesterday and, apart from boiling them, i don't know how i'm going to have them
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:40, archived)

Incubate them until they hatch, raise them, kill them, then have two quails.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:44, archived)

Don't kill them, you might have more than two

(dribble, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:00, archived)

apparently they are more likely to breed if you stroke them on the head

pat those bantams
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:02, archived)

username not found
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:04, archived)

*groan*

( Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 11:34, archived)

there's a dozen eggs

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:02, archived)

mini black pudding/panko scotch eggs


you're welcome

(you might want to bulk out the meal a little bit though)
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:58, archived)

ooooo, i've got black pudding, too
gonna give that a try
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:01, archived)

got any sausages? a black pudding/sausagemeat mix is easier to work with

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:03, archived)

i have indeed
got a couple of pounds of classic pork saussies from the butcher's yesterday. about a 60/40 split in favour of sausage meat would work best, i think
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:10, archived)