Woop woop, that's the sound of the police
Haha, not really, it was just me (Queef Richard's) making a wooping sound - I had you going there, didn't I?

My free record has turned up and it plays perfectly, fucking result. Any of you cunt's had a fucking result lately?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 11:53, archived)

Who's Gonna Take the Weight by Kool and the Gang, I know you were wondering

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 11:54, archived)

Here's one you can have
I got stopped for speeding, and the office said "Have you got a police record?" And I said "Yeah. Regatta de fucken Blanc. LOL". Cunt let me off, AND bought me a beer later on
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:00, archived)

haha, no way!! classic

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:05, archived)

haha, the office said it!

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:07, archived)

You don't have to be like that, you know
Some people are just trying to get by with what they have
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:13, archived)

sorry, it's been a trying day so far

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:14, archived)

www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/kxqer6/not_sure_this_was_hall_and_oates_intentions/
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:41, archived)

:O

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:50, archived)

lol
that's the guy behind this
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:35, archived)

bit of a 'Flight of the Conchords' vibe going on there

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:01, archived)

true, true

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:12, archived)

I haven't
Not sure if this helps, sorry
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 11:58, archived)

a bit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:04, archived)

you're like those radio ads in the States that have car horns or sirens in them and make people crash their cars

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:02, archived)

you know what?
I really fucking am
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:04, archived)

+ a complete cretin

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:51, archived)

have we all seen that super cool french canadian guy?
youtu.be/vi6xOfmjdYQ
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:20, archived)

well I hadn't but now I have thanks to you and I'm not happy about it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:28, archived)

I like him, his cover of Pump Up The Jam is great.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:31, archived)

well if you like him so much why don't you marry him?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:45, archived)

I ALREADY HAVE

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:50, archived)

Might perform a sex act on an animal, the name of which begins with the same letter as that of said sex act
If you take my meaning!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 12:56, archived)

you might teabag a tern, that kind of thing?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:11, archived)

Yeah, that sort of thing

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:13, archived)

cor!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:14, archived)

I can thoroughly recommend it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:15, archived)

I don’t follow, sorry

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:45, archived)

Remember to like, comment and subscribe!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 15:09, archived)

I opened a box of ibuprofen and found a tenner in it
I don't even remember putting it in there
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:20, archived)

that definitely counts as a result

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:35, archived)

Maybe it's the government
trying to ease the pain of pain
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:33, archived)

i've got a habit of putting money in "safe places"
and then completely forgetting about it. i once found 4 pound coins in a flower pot that had been there so long, they'd gone green
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 16:57, archived)

I just wake every morning with a smile on my face and a song in my heart and I thank the Lord God for this wonderful world, the love of Jesus and that I am not dozer

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:37, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8305317
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:48, archived)

I found some ibuprofen in a box of tenners

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:49, archived)

no u never m8 dunt lie

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:58, archived)

I have brought shame upon this great Internet forum

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:03, archived)

our reputation may never recover

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:12, archived)

We should all delete our accounts

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:14, archived)

I opened a box of paracetamol and found a male opera singer in it

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:54, archived)

no u neva

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 24 Jun 2021, 13:56, archived)

hullo m8-o

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:01, archived)

high queef, my washing machine is making weird noises, think the fucking fucker might be fucked

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:05, archived)

washing machine bumhole
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:06, archived)

(_X_)

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:16, archived)

that's a bit of a fucking fucker isn't it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:13, archived)

fucking right

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:15, archived)

Luciano Paracetamol

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:04, archived)

heh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:11, archived)

Placebo Domingo

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:18, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8305333
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:22, archived)

That's so bad it's fucking hilarious

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:28, archived)

Anadin Bocelli?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:34, archived)

I like this.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 24 Jun 2021, 17:23, archived)

We now have foundations
again, I'm waiting for the drama...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 24 Jun 2021, 14:35, archived)