Arsefternoon.
What's the best thing about your Monday? I have to be in the office today so everything is shit, except you lovely bastards.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:38, archived)

I'm doing unwanted and unexpected overtime
Which sucks massive hairy donkey bollocks.
I have, however, decided to try to break the world record for the longest hand-knitted scarf.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:48, archived)

You've got your work cut out for you.
"The longest knitted scarf measures 4,565.46 m (14,978 ft 6.16 in) long and was achieved by Helge Johansen (Norway), in Oslo, Norway, on 12 November 2013."

Maybe the quickest method would be to destroy other long scarves so that yours is the longest by default, rather than knit one that's longer than 4.5km.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:56, archived)

I know the current record
I made a half-arsed attempt at it many years ago, gave up at 72ft because I ran out of wool
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:29, archived)

That's not half-arsed, that's 0.0048-arsed.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:37, archived)

what did you do with a 72ft long scarf?

(ticklepricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:20, archived)

Unravelled it
And made blankets with the wool
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:32, archived)

👍

(ticklepricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:55, archived)

A present for Wormulus?

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:58, archived)

Scarf wearing cockhound?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:58, archived)

The very same

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:58, archived)

Particularly attuned to the requirements of lay and professional clients, Wormulus is regularly instructed in cocks involving hounds with complex scarves.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:02, archived)

Just another day, innit.
Was on the balcony earlier, threw some pennies to the poor people. You know, the usual.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:50, archived)

We, your inferiors, bask in your adulation.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:57, archived)

International Gestational Sac Day

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:55, archived)

Do I need to do something to commemorate this special occasion?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:03, archived)

Gestate

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:30, archived)

*gestates*

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:51, archived)

Monday going okay.
Haven't lost my temper
Haven't stalked anyone
Haven't taken anything personally :)
I'm teaching so I'm tired. I can't do this until I die. I might have to resort to a life of crime.
(Fantasma:, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 14:56, archived)

Keep it up.
Don't do any crime.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:03, archived)

There are 6 main mafias here
I'm applying...
(Fantasma:, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 15:28, archived)

JOKE!

(Fantasma:, Tue 1 Oct 2024, 18:57, archived)

The best thing is my GP appointment in 1 hour.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:09, archived)

That's pretty shit then.
Unless you've got an appointment to collect an award for Most Attractive Genitalia 2024 which comes with a large cash prize, and your GP is the one presenting the award.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:35, archived)

Sorry we've had to cancel your appointment due to unexpected staff sickness.

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 16:48, archived)

She actually had a cold and a facemask...
Looking forward to getting a viral infection now.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:42, archived)

How did it go?

(Fantasma:, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:40, archived)

Slowly but with a good result, hopefully.
Got prescribed some hardcore nose drugs which I'll get tomorrow.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:46, archived)

But what happened about your ear infection?

(Fantasma:, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:53, archived)

I refer the honorable lady to the answer I just gave some moments ago.
The drugs are delivered via the nose, the target is the inner ear/sinuses/Eustachian tubes.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 19:53, archived)

Ah ha!
Good!
(Fantasma:, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 20:15, archived)

worked hard today so tomorrow is easy
so the best thing about today is in fact, tomorrow.
to summarise: the best thing about monday is tuesday
( MiseryCunt stop playing with my bollocks, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 17:34, archived)

fuck off then

( MiseryCunt stop playing with my bollocks, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 17:52, archived)

I’m not sure such a short post needed a summary
but thanks for sharing anyway. I hope your Tuesday is everything you deserve.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:10, archived)

oh it won't be
but it'll be better than today
( MiseryCunt stop playing with my bollocks, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:13, archived)

monday < tuesday

( MiseryCunt stop playing with my bollocks, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 18:24, archived)

This is a universal truth.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 19:40, archived)

Happy days

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 30 Sep 2024, 20:14, archived)