Happy birthday to me
I’m in A&E,
The patients are bonkers,
And act mentally!

Other half is in awful pain and we’re worried something has gone wrong after the gall bladder removal. So far we’ve had a guy screaming and being handcuffed at the back of the waiting room. At the front there is a very lovely but disturbed chap who is coughing so loudly the whole place shakes, he’s taking his tshirt off and on and periodically goes for a hop around the place.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:43, Reply)

Hoppy birthda&e

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:48, Reply)

Hurrah!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:00, Reply)

That was me, m8.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:52, Reply)

Hoppy dude or angry aggressive handcuffed man?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:01, Reply)

Both.
I'm phenomenally versatile.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:21, Reply)

Say hi to Queef for me

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:53, Reply)

Hoppy fella is not happy

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:02, Reply)

London sounds gr8 m8

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:34, Reply)

Lewisham is extra special
Even by London standards
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:05, Reply)

when was his surgery?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 22:37, Reply)

Friday
The surgery team are running tests on him. I’ve come home now he’s waiting for a CT scan.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:07, Reply)

I had a lot of pain for a few days after mine, it was due to the gas they fill you up with, hopefully it's something similar, all the best eh

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 1:03, Reply)

Happy Birthday! If he can convince them he's got peritonitis they'll probably see him sooner.
Tell him to keep his abdomen absolutely rigid and say the pain is 11 out of 10 wherever they touch him.*

*may result in an unnecessary surgical procedure
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:06, Reply)

In other news my Tesla gave me a load of worrying battery warning errors on the drive home and is now refusing to charge.
The Tesla app has given me an appointment at the Bristol Tesla service centre tomorrow at 9am.
It's 39 miles away and my car says it has 45 miles of range left so that should be exciting.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:10, Reply)

Tesla Roulette!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:17, Reply)

Can you not just take a 4-pack of AA batteries with you as backup?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:39, Reply)

Well I just hope it isn't giving you some spectacularly bad advice!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 2:26, Reply)

Thanks
And he’s been very insistent about getting seen and the nurse who saw him called the surgery team who did tue op on Friday.

Bloody stupid triage nurse at the front desk said go home and call gp. He didn’t stand for that.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:16, Reply)

Good, that is very stupid advice

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:21, Reply)

I'd advise a smeggy dildo and a bottle of rum

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:58, Reply)

Let's check with a doctor first
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 2:18, Reply)

Oh god oh god oh GOD A&E has the best stories
They're never stories you want to know but they're incredibly compelling
( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 10:39, Reply)