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HoratioFellatio writes:
"At the tender age of 13, my little hairless clockweights squirted their first dose of testosterone into my blood stream. The result was a mental alarm clock shouting, 'I NEED TO LOOK AT GIRL'S FANNIES.' I reasoned that if I became a Gynaecologist, I'd get to look at fannies all day.
"It was only when I reached the age of about 16 and learnt about STD's and yeast infections that I realised I'd only ever get to see diseased ones."
Tell us about your childhood career ambitions and the moment at which your aspirations crumbled into a pile of broken dreams.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 12:02)
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I wanted to work at Hovis making sweet
I only wish for girth.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:50, Reply)
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When I finished school I wanted to work at the tip.
I used to love going to the tip with my dad, lobbing things over the edge and seeing how far you could throw them. I thought it was so cool how the people who worked there could sit down on a mouldy old couch when they were tired and play around on old bikes that got thrown over the edge if they were bored.
Imagine all the cool stuff you could find if you just rooted through all the junk! Stig of the Dump also increased my ambitions to work at the tip.
I also wanted to be a computer games tester, in fact a friend off my old football team has got that very job. I can't begin to describe how jealous I am.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:44, Reply)
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As a wee-un I wanted to be in the army, specifically in the desert in WW2. Which was hard growing up in the 70's in rural Worcestershire.
As a teen I fancied being a travel agent (cheap holidays) or teaching (long holidays, lodsa girls at college) so went and realised (after about 7 months) I hate kids.
Ended up in Nursing Psychatric Nursing
Click "I like this" if you support the NHS !
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:43, Reply)
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As a child I wanted to be a kangaroo when I grew up.
Suprisingly that dream has not come true.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:37, Reply)
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and its fucking excellent!
I don't have to do any washing, shopping or pay any bills.
But, on the other hand I don't get to do any drinking, pulling or shagging.
If not for the last one it would be a fair cop.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:26, Reply)
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when i was older i wanted to be a car designer, the only trouble was looking at my cars i had drawn on a peice on paper all look like wank, i found out then that i was to crap to be a car designer
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:20, Reply)
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This hopefully wont turn out to be true as its slightly scary.
When i was younger than i am at the moment i resolved that my career was to live in a caravan travelling around Cornwall selling wooden toys. I shit you not i said this.
If this did actually happened to me i would be seriously disappointed in my life, it would make me a roaming child catcher who lures children in with his promise of carved donkeys.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:18, Reply)
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and i was! but i stopped growing upwards at the age of 14 at 5'11" and at the age of 17 or 18 most of my mates where taller than me.... oh well
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 18:04, Reply)
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...but my ambition in life was to find something to be ambitious for.
Still looking.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:48, Reply)
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Well it definitely wasn't this
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:44, Reply)
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my childhood ambition was to be a faerie so i could fly and sit atop of Christmas trees. then i grew up and realized males carnt be faeries so i decided to become a jew which is the next best thing.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:42, Reply)
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Career stuff was always pointless, whatever you wanted to do you'd always be persuaded out of it.
Much more fun to pretend you wanted to be a careers councillor JUST LIKE THEM and creep them out until they let you hold onto your dreams.
Thus it is I'm still trying to be a rock star.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:39, Reply)
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...until the week's school-organised work experience I did at the local solicitors'.
I spent Monday trying to fix the broken photocopier, Tuesday and Wednesday reading through dusty folders of case notes in a back room, and Thursday filling in the solicitors' timesheets for them. Even at my tender age, I knew they were taking the piss.
The highlight of the week was supposed to be Friday morning, which I would spend shadowing a legal executive at Lewes Crown Court. She picked me up and we showed up bright and eager at 9am – but the toerag whose case we were there for, didn’t. So his hearing was postponed from first thing till 5pm - we’d have to spend the day there waiting.
Now, I hadn’t thought to bring a bag, as we were supposed to be back by lunchtime – so I had no money, no food and nothing to read. Woe!
Did the solicitor take pity on me and buy me some food, or a drink? Did she offer to lend me money until we got back to the office? Did she find me something to do, show me round or introduce me to people? Did she in fact engage with me in any way, even just for a 2 minute chat to make sure I was okay?
No. The selfish cow spent the entire day studiously ignoring me, leaving me sitting catatonically bored, hungry and miserable in a wonky plastic chair. For 8 hours. She worked her way through about 15 coffees and bought herself a nice lunch in the café to eat in front of me, as if I wasn’t there. I studied the wall, the floor and my fingernails. For 8 hours.
As a crowning glory, in those halcyon days before mobiles, she refused to even let me use the payphone on the way out to let my parents know I’d be late, as she was ‘desperate to beat the traffic’. My mum was frantic by the time I got home.
Thanks for the trauma, witch. I wasn’t an especially high-functioning teenager, now I can’t even think about spending time with legal people without feeling miserable and desperately awkward. :-(
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:36, Reply)
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when I was a kid I wanted to be a product designer! Not interesting products, oh no, not for me. I would have been quite happy designing a new washing up liquid bottle! Well, I went to college and studied it, realised it was as dull as dishwater so gave up.
I'm now unemployed, my only skill is working in a call centre and I'm still fascinated by the design of new products.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:34, Reply)
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I still want to become an astronaut. Despite being 24. & not having done any basic science lessons for nearly 8 years. & despite having a fledgling career in the media.
Dreams? crumbling? pah!
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:29, Reply)
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Upon reflection I've spent the last 27 years reading the small ads just in case someone prints "Spitfire Pilot wanted, no experience necessary as full training given, fur lined leather jacket, flying helmet and goggles provided, applicant must grow amusing moustache".
Unfortunately for some reason I've been unsuccessful in my search although I haven't yet given up hope. The full wing commander 'tache is proving a challenge
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:27, Reply)
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when I was just a wee young whipper snapper, I had dreams of growing up. Here I am 29 years and still dreaming.
On a more serious note I wanted to be a pilot but I'm not allowed for medical reasons, then I wanted to be a pig farmer (I like pigs). After college I wanted to be a chiropodist and very nearly went uni to study podiatry. I then decided that cancer research was my calling but that went tits up as well due to cheap SU beer and copious amounts of drugs!!!
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:27, Reply)
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A brainwave at 13 years old (whilst flicking through some GCSE Biology textbooks, which were a couple years ahead of my current learning level) convinced me that i should be a doctor.
Of course, i'm still under that fuckwitted delusion that it'll be worth it.. Roll on the A-Level Results and the UCAS Application..
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:26, Reply)
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well money comes and goes.. but I am not rich. But I have traveled all over north America spending all that money and already I am banned in Canada :) so I may not be rich but mostly happy.. now I am unemployed and poor but looking for a sugar momma
I am NOT sorry!
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:22, Reply)
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A year of voluntary vet 'work', one 'D' & two 'E' grade science A-levels later, I realised I was never going to cut the
Now I'm a plant molecular biologist*. Hmm...
*but now after seven years I'm fed up with that and am going to see what I can do North of the Border. HURRAH!
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:21, Reply)
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that I'd like to train horses. They laughed at me, and they were right to do so. I hate horses. Big scary poo-ey horrible things.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:06, Reply)
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a scooter. Not one you push, a motor scooter.
I have no idea why. I hadn't heard of either mods or Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. I just thought they were neat.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 17:04, Reply)
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Ever since the beginning of High School I've known that I've wanted to be a film director... I've now spent six years studying media, through GCSE, A Level and University, and today I scored a work experience placement with quite a big tv company not ten minutes walk from where I live.
Sorry, no crumbling of dreams here... who knows, if I do a good job this summer, in a year and a half I might be saying "I work for so and so tv company making adverts and documentaries". I'm realising every day just how incredibly lucky I am. :)
Length? Girth? They say the camera adds ten pounds...
-DiskPidge
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:59, Reply)
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A lumberjack!
Ah, but seriously... When I was very little, I wanted to be a scientist of some kind.
I stand before you today with failing grades in both Chemistry AND Physics.
From the age of about 13 to 19, I wanted to be in a band; in fact, I was. I was really upset that my dad tried to steer me away from all that.
Now I'm about to graduate from four years of a Journalism course, and I'm probably going to go into broadcast. The guys in my old band are still at it and hemorrhaging cash from every orifice, despite being incredibly talented guys.
On the other hand, I was two years below a chap who decided not to go to university and instead concentrate on his music career while working at the local M&S. I used to hang out around him in the school music department while I was in my 'band' phase.
He's just been signed to Kylie's record label and had a popular single out recently.
I don't know whether to feel proud of Calvin Harris or bloody jealous of him.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:55, Reply)
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Hmm. I had footballer and rocket scientist down as a kid.
I was always behind the asthmatic kid when it came to being picked for footy, and was always target practice/goal keeper, so opted for second option.
Spent feckin years qualifying to post doctorate level then realised that scientists fall into two categories: Corporate cock sucking Pfizer types who'd sell their grandmothers for glue and really lets face it are living off the legacy of antibiotics and viagra, and whose achievements are spurious and minor, often fall at the final hurdle and are occasionally shunted into humiliating second place (e.g. by the aromatherapy spray which is a new treatment for MRSA in hospitals) or grant hungry academics in ivory towers pushing back the foreskins of science one smegma molecule at time whilst wearing brown cord at half mast.
Neither suited.
Settled for underworked slightly underpaid option monkey see monkey do with no targets and unlimited internet access.
Job in firework factory never came through, alas. Supplement income with therapist job which is great but every fucker that comes to see me is ILL! Wish I'd realised that before I started.
Have found perfick job however suspect openings few and far between, though it does actually exist!!
It involves taking a helicopter to the top of ski slopes to dynamite cornices before they avalanche on skiers. How cool would that be? Explosions, helicoptors and skiing all in one. It's like James Bond without the killing.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:50, Reply)
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All I wanted to be was a grown up, what with the women I could have real sex with, the booze and fags I could legally buy and the independence that came with it. Now I'm a grown up (kind of), all I want to be is a kid. I think it's lack of responsibility, no paying bills or tax, someone else doing your washing and chasing girls around with poo on a stick that appeals. THOSE were the days.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:48, Reply)
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Ditto.
Only difference is I work in Pershore ("Where?" I hear you ask).
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:46, Reply)
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either that or a BBC camera man.
I am now happy and proud to say that after years of work and training, I am indeed a software engineer...
hang on a second...
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:32, Reply)
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Until I learned about DNA. I was gutted, I'd made myself ears and a tail and everything.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:32, Reply)
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