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This is a question Off Topic

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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Dangerous moments
Park the Accords, ship out the supermodel and regale the group about the times when JUSTICE was not served. Basically tell us how you've been a daft cunt

Alt:
Describe yourself in 4 words
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:40, 372 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
wanker

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)
You've got 3 more words left.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:47, Reply)
I'm bein succinct

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Only god can judge me.
And the magistrate court I suppose. Twice.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:47, Reply)
Go on, spill

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:48, Reply)
2 restraining orders already

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:50, Reply)
One football related that wasn't our fault.
If someone starts attacking you what the fuck are you supposed to do? Just stand there and have your teeth knocked out apparently. The other was assault. Both not guilty cos I'm untouchable/I was defending myself.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Fair do

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:05, Reply)
I was a massive twat when I was eighteen or so.
I mean I still am. But you know.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)
So as well as being a nuisance neighbour, with self esteem issues that can only temporarily resolved by purchasing designer clothes and a drunken sad sack with relationship problems you're also a football hooligan?
Classy.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)
I'm not sure being attacked at a train station can qualify me as a football hooligan.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)
ALL OUT WAR between Off Topic's biggest titans right here

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)
Biggest?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
metaphorically, obvs

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Uglier online than offline.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:51, Reply)
haha!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Liar.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:53, Reply)
It's true!
Although given that you'd have to look up my nose from wherever you were standing, I can see why you wouldn't think so.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:56, Reply)
This is happening right now!
I ordered a friends' band's CD from the label that released it for them. It never arrived. I emailed the email address on the paypal account - no response. I emailed the label directly, no response.
I've just asked the band themselves to be told that they have fallen out with the label for this very reason.
So I decided to get tough - I went to open a dispute through paypal, only to discover that the transaction is now too old for them to care.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
£4.81, sporto! £4.81!!!!!

Alt: angry, disappointed, dismayed and aroused.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:56, Reply)
Should this story include a "That was his first mistake"?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:56, Reply)
I was done on paypal once for £30
*fires up Accord*
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:57, Reply)
alt. quentin is perfectly lovely

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:56, Reply)
According to his mum.
And the 12 who ignore him.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:14, Reply)
that time i got my head caught in the printing press
boy was my face read
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:59, Reply)
LTI

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:00, Reply)
>:(
Angry Quinten, smash
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:02, Reply)

angry gay smash rims
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:07, Reply)
the must-have new mountain bike accessory?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)
i've got spinners and neons on mine

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)
You need some spokey dokeys.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)
and a little orange flag on a bendy stick for the back

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:14, Reply)
No, that would look shit.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:15, Reply)
i h8 u 4eva

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)
Naked bent spastic ape

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Perfect

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:00, Reply)
alt: stupid prickname hockey cunt
I have too many accord moments in my life to single out one, clearly.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)
6 Million Dollar Badger

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:09, Reply)
If I really was a badger I'd have been culled years ago.
But I might use that as a sig in the future.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)
i saw a dead badger the other day

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Not so mighty now

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)
it looked pretty smelly

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Tell your mum to close her legs and keep her 'burst badger' covered

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)
i like this

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)
Dubstar's less succezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
sadtimes, Quents.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
and a dead fox, i was at the taxidermists

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
So you took it literally when someone told you to get stuffed?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:15, Reply)
*golf claps*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)
:/

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)
I defended a guy I barely knew against a Glasgow chav who had taken a dislike to him, and got a 'headbutt' for my trouble
Tbh, it was pathetic, and there was no actual problem. It was only in the morning that I thought quite how stupid an idea it was to get in his face, and tell him to fuck off.

Alt: Friendly, funny, sexy, delusional.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)
You forgot fat, pube-beard, unfashionable...oh wAit I see what you did there!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Normally here I'd wheel out the 'not as fat' line, but I've gained a bit of weight recently, back to the salads it is!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)
Alt: arrogant, successful, polite, short.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)
Running across the top of this whilst VERY drunk


Alt:
Angry, confused, drunkard, cake
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:15, Reply)
no shark or helicopter, lol

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)
There was 2 coppers

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Alt, mouthy, intelligent, drunkard, well-hung.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:15, Reply)
That's five words.
EDIT: It's ok, you can have one of Chompy's - he hasn't used them all.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)
And two lies

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Which two?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Intelligent and well-hung

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Arrgh, it's the scourge of the urinal, The willy watcher!
Anyway mine's bigger than yours.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Thus ruling out 'intelligent'.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)
I was counting "well-hung" as one, as it's abbreviated.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:20, Reply)
YM hyphenated

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)
No, Your Mum hyphenated

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Fuckwit.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Many thanks.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:30, Reply)
You sound like the pub expert, every pubs loveable loser

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Charming and witty.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)
FULLSTOP

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Less fat than Bobby.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)
You may have to narrow this down
(like Bobby)
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Surely:
Rudest man on internet?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Argument, swipe, bald, fat

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Is Swipe the pinical of my argument career?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Or even the pinnacle

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)
You and her bicker like an old married couple

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)
They want to fuck so bad it's indecent.
They ought to be kept away from each other at bashes otherwise we're all going to see something we'll never be able to unsee.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:30, Reply)
the jealousy is strong in this one
but it's ok krones, he'd do you too.

although for the record, being mean to someone doesn't always mean you want to fuck them. sometimes, just sometimes, it means they really are the kind of cunt that should be castrated.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:46, Reply)
He'd fuck the crack of dawn if he was up early enough

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:48, Reply)
I'm not so sure Swipe, I mean I have standards, low standards admittedly, but standards none the less.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:48, Reply)
kroney is a handsome frenchman
without even a whiff of garlic or cheese about him.

you could do a lot worse, when it comes to manly bum-love.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:50, Reply)
He says argumentativley.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:32, Reply)
I totally clenched my jaw and breathed out quickly through my nose while I typed it.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:33, Reply)
im hittinyt thw keys hardf!!!!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:34, Reply)
Sore foot, no marathon.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:25, Reply)
It wasn't my foot, it was knee. ACTUALLY

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:30, Reply)
Vegetable growing DIY bore

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Does DIY count as a word?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)
Look it up yourself

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Never says thank you

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)
3 classics

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)
Constantly defriended; left nonplussed.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:33, Reply)
Haha
This one is best.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:34, Reply)
How is his bald patch developing?
Was he wearing a baseball hat to be all street, whilst hiding the terrible follicle loss beneath
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:36, Reply)
I was wearing my free Jaegermeister bandana
so that I blended in with the cool kids.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:38, Reply)
If it works for Hulk Hogan, it should work for althegeordie.
You might get a few odd looks at work to begin with, but just power on through all that Al
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I'm going to get a one with skulls and cross bones on it
so that people know I'm dangerous. Like a pirate.

I'm also going to get one with My Chemical Romance written on it, as I've heard that all the young people are into that band and it will make me look really trendy.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)
It's more like hair patch now
He was sporting a classic embarrassing-middle-aged-guy-at-a-gig look.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I thought you liked my kahki slacks
I thought you said they made me look really hip.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Yeah,
they really work for you Al
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:45, Reply)
I can't believe you've left his bandana out of this

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I thought it would be cruel to mention it on here.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)
The Light in Chains
or overweight hairy genius Aspergers.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)
I like this

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:29, Reply)
or Devastatingly Delectable, Divinely Decadent

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:36, Reply)
4 words?
Not quite intelligent enough.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Alt: Can't count properly

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:35, Reply)
weekend, ex, the
alt: happy, generous and capricious.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:48, Reply)
FFS
again?

*stern looks*
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)
it's almost as though she/women are incapable of logical thought

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)
That can't be right!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:57, Reply)
i'm happy to re-run the data but WATSON doesn't lie

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)
i know
stupid ex, being all addictive, and shit.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:50, Reply)
I've tried far more than this.
it just seems to be her kryptonite.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:51, Reply)
you give excellent advice
i take it 99% of the time xx
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:52, Reply)
it's as if she's incapable of getting any other man

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:53, Reply)
That certainly isn't the case.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:57, Reply)
it clearly is, calm yourself there galahamstrad

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:57, Reply)
I like this.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:59, Reply)
very very few have his attributes, sadly. he is a huge amount to live up to :(((
i've dated my share of fucking ugly retards who still think they are god's gift for some inconceivable reason. the thought of reverting to one of those is immeasurably depressing.

still, the polo next week should yield up some hugos and ruperts. no issues there, then.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:59, Reply)
bet you a fiver you'll be going home alone, and still single at christmas

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)
i'm in the caribbean this christmas
woooo!
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
third wheeling in the jamaicas with the family eh?
good for you pet
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:06, Reply)
lounging around a five star swimming pool
with 2 friends and my dad, aye.

i am fairly smug about the whole thing.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)
it's good to look at the positives of being alone at christmas

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
i've never managed to be alone at christmas
but i'd fucking love it. i never get any peace and quiet.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:18, Reply)
empty bed syndrome, you're obviously delusional

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:21, Reply)
i like being in a relationship
and i like being single. anyone who can't enjoy either status has got Issues.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:23, Reply)
you're a bit old to be by yourself tho
you're just a stones throw away from your forties
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:25, Reply)
pffffft

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:31, Reply)
remember. Eton and Christ Church
Gordonstoun and Magdalen if you must.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:03, Reply)
hahahaha
this is why, if you ever become a mormon and can have numerous wives, you must call me.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:03, Reply)
its pretty unusual for the girl to be doing the creepy pandering at the boy on the internet

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
poor quentin
just because you never get any gazzes
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
soz swipe, you were just coming across a bit desperate there
and MONTY gazzed me a while back, actually
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:06, Reply)
that's alright
we can't all be tangerine tinted twats with pink cowboy hats, eh?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)
you wish you were that classy

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
i've pissed more class than you'll ever know

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:16, Reply)
that turn of phrase certainly helps prove your point

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:17, Reply)
read it and weep

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)
like your puss-filled mimsy

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:21, Reply)
spell it correctly
and i might smile at that
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:22, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cookie_Puss
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:23, Reply)
If the rules change
rest assured I shall.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:10, Reply)
MARVELLOUS
then we can tell quentin your REAL nickname. not that he'd understand it, mind.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
you mean it's not hockeyprick? :(

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:14, Reply)
no
it's hockey-stick-sized-prick
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)
he's as short as a hockey stick?
seriously, coming across very creepy now, swipe
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:20, Reply)
Oh boy
I've got carpet on my stairs again. It's so nice walking down stairs and not having to avoid the carpet gripper.

I've just been walking up and down then in my bare feet and wiggling my toes.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Small pleasures are always the sweetest.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:55, Reply)
Are you saying you want to have sex with Battered?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:57, Reply)
i thought he was saying he wanted to wank on al's carpet
which is also what i thought al was saying
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:59, Reply)
How can you possibly have read that into my post?
You must be a terrible lawyer.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)
balls
you were totally thinking about it and whether it would stain.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
It's water soluble, comes out very easily
Er... apparently.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Man, you live the high life.
It'll be quilted toilet paper next.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Already got it.
I resisted, can't see the point in spending the extra money, but the wife was adamant. Or should I say insistent, before someone makes a joke about Adam Ant the mental 80s popstar.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Too late
I've already thrown a carburettor through your front window.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)
You appreciate it, post-Needo...

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Especially if you keep it in the fridge.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
Al's fridge is too full of cake.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:09, Reply)
It's full of chicken and duck at the moment.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:14, Reply)
Oh boy, I got a duck in the reduced aisle yesterday.
Although I'll never be able to repeat the feat of getting one for 2 pence.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:16, Reply)
A "quacking" deal there, DG

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)
It really was.
I managed to get about 25 quid's worth of meat for less than a fiver that day.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:28, Reply)
This is a GOOD thing
I managed some rainbow trout on ours yesterday
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:35, Reply)
I prefer baby wipes.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Also, We're totally going to see each other in about two weeks!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
YAY!
I have 24 hours of rock.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:08, Reply)
That's one big stick of rock.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:09, Reply)
If one has a big stick, one can make the rules.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:10, Reply)
Indeed.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
Alt: Better looking than you

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Will dance for food.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:02, Reply)

than at
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:16, Reply)
+kid

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Double Oh Boy!
There was a poster with this months copy of Empire! It's got Batman on one side and Catwoman on the other! I wish I was 16 again and had never known the pleasures of a woman so that I could put it on my wall and have a wank while looking at Catwomans arse.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
alright gonz

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Alright depressing woman who treats b3ta as her own personal blog.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:07, Reply)
clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:08, Reply)

cl +d
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:10, Reply)
dickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)
urgh
you dirty bastard
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:14, Reply)
I liked when she posted a link to her ebay business and she seemed to be selling twenty copies of 'Bunty'
and that was it
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:09, Reply)
That's pretty much all I *was* selling that week.
Just so I know, why are we all picking on me again? Is it my turn or something?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)
i stuck up for you by calling quentin a dick
because strikethroughs are a sign of TRUE WIT.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:12, Reply)

w t +d +ck
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
That's so cruel.
I'm totally defriending you on facebook. And I'm going to set my Scouse assassin on you.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:10, Reply)
Isn't that all women on here?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)
haha

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:12, Reply)
yeah barry and AA were at it earlier

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:12, Reply)
And Kroney in his down days.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
Kroney is over all that now
and able to offer Baz the benefit of his experience.
*group hugs*
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:18, Reply)
Oh I wasn't that bad.
I mentioned I was down a couple of times, that was all. You were just annoyed that I wouldn't say what had gone on, thereby giving you something to laugh at.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:34, Reply)
haha

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
And a lot of the men.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
It's getting a bit too huggy again recently.
someone needs to draw a line.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:14, Reply)
It'll all change when you have power, Chompy.
We'll all learn then.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:15, Reply)
I'm a harsh but fair master.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Fuck off, cunt.
Like that? Am I doing it right?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:15, Reply)
I think there should be someone on hand at all times to call the waaaambulance to take them away to sopzsylum

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:16, Reply)
I don't really get on through the day much so I can't say I've noticed.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Same old shit DG same old shit,
how's the new job? Got any going for stats masters?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)
New job's alright, ta.
Looking quite promising that it could become longer term and potentially permanent. Alas, I'm afraid I don't think there are any of those types of jobs going. I'm assuming things are looking less than rosy at the moment?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:21, Reply)
I'm safe until November at the earliest but it looks like NHS direct will be no more after that.
It's being replaced with cheaper/worse service called 111 which isn't provided nationally but will be commisioned and staffed locally.
I have a feeling it'll work great, and save loads of taxpayers money.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:22, Reply)
There is no way this is a bad idea designed to solely benefit private companies.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:23, Reply)
Next you'll be suggesting that these private companies are run by old friends of Gid and Dave.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)
Competition is brilliant!
I especially like the way that the sort of job I do, will have to be recreated in every region. So that instead of 3 people forecasting 10 million calls a year you'll get 15 different groups of people forecasting 650,000 calls each. But the teams will be maybe 2 people so that's a definate saving.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)
it's not about saving money
it's about spending enough to keep the system moving
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:30, Reply)
Brilliant plan by Andrew Langsley
I'd write to my MP if he wasn't a Tory cunt who's desperate to get into the cabinate.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:32, Reply)
I think you dropped this (!)

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:25, Reply)

NUN SHALL PASS
________________________________



(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:15, Reply)
Alt:
Refuses to answer question.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
Answer the fucking question!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:18, Reply)
Alright Paxman.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:18, Reply)
Afternoon DG
How did your charcoal burning go?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)
Very well.
The bream was excellent and I made a tomato, onion and mint salsa, with a hint of chilli and balsamic vinegar which was also extremely good.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:45, Reply)
Did you threaten to overrule him?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)
married to old bloke

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:22, Reply)
Dear B3ta
This weekend I went to a country fair, there were lots of people on tractors with a poor grasp of the English language and funny accents. Many of these people harboured racist views and some of them were called Michael. Michaels wife was called Sarah. I know this because she introduced herself to someone else near me very loudly while I was eating my lunch. I bit later Dame Kelly Holmes turned up and was introduced to Michael and Sarah and lots of other people wearing hats and jackets and ties, despite the fact that it was about 29 degrees.

I saw some dogs like these:


Then on Sunday I went home and planted some plants in the plant area of my garden. It looks like this now:

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:23, Reply)
just seventeen shut down in 2004, i'm bloody gutted

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:25, Reply)
I appeared in Just 17 once
True story.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:26, Reply)
no fucken way

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)
WAY!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:28, Reply)
prove it

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:28, Reply)
Can't
You'll have to take my word for it.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:29, Reply)
i don't even take my word for it when my mum says she loves me

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:29, Reply)
That's fair

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:30, Reply)
I take her word for it when she says "Okay, but you have to pull out before you come"

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:31, Reply)
mamma mia!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:31, Reply)
By the time she's said that, it was too late though?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:35, Reply)
it was more like, 'ok but you have to p... oh, good for you'

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:36, Reply)
I'm the only person who cares enough to comment that you have a beautiful garden
You have toiled and the earth will give you it's bounty
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:37, Reply)
You can't grow coconuts here.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:39, Reply)
I hope so.
I invested in the water system because I'm lazy and will forget about the whole thing in about a week.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:39, Reply)
What's that ceramic thing next to the rhubarb?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:57, Reply)
My Mum, LOL

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:59, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHA

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:42, Reply)
Well, this is good, isn't it?*



*CLUE: it isn't.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:57, Reply)
well it WAS
we just need a new thread
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:58, Reply)
We need a cull of shit people and a intake of new people
so we can bully them.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:58, Reply)
as your top mod, who's on the cull list?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:59, Reply)
Hiya Quentin

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:02, Reply)
hiya roota, baz broke up with some girl he wasn't seeing
we're all here for him
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
Oh hold on I'll have to go and quiz him

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:05, Reply)
There are no new people, that's a MAJOR CONCERN at Rory Towers
even shit posters are slightly better than tumbleweed
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:59, Reply)
Hiya Rory

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:02, Reply)
HELLO

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:04, Reply)
It's true, new blood helps slow the lukemia of bollocks that offtopic is currently riddled with.
I think we should petition for a front page link.
Then moan about how new people are ruinin r internetz
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
If only we hadn't been mean to Scaryduck making him run away in girly tears we could have requested this from a mod
what a fucking gay wanker our part time mod turned out to be
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:06, Reply)
Yeah what a nonce.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:42, Reply)
Hiya Chomp

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:01, Reply)
Alright trouble?
How's shit north of the border?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
It's fucking boss!
I thought I'd be all homesick and that but I'm like a dog with 20 lamp-posts.

Pissy.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:04, Reply)
I've only been up there once, but I liked it a lot.
Windy as fuck though, but I suppose Liverpool is as well.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:06, Reply)
Edinburgh is one of the few cities I think I could happily live in.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:08, Reply)
Yeah I do like it and I haven't had a winter here yet so it's been ok

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:08, Reply)
Are you pizza-ing tomorrow good sir?
I'm going as well now baby.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:59, Reply)
Hiya Barry

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:02, Reply)
can't you see the correspondence on the link?
the address is in there. if not, let me know, and i will fb you up real nice.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
Oh man that is excellent news.
I sho' nuff am. The restaurant is 2mins from my flat.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
himjim wants to go to the pub first
let him know if you're up for it?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Yes let's definitely go to the pub.
Swipey I've got the address now, danke. It should be meeting in the pub as soon as everyone can possibly make it. For me that's about 10am.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:07, Reply)
excellent
i will be there between 7-7.30, as it's bloody carnage on my desk today, and i am stuck here laaaaaate tonight just so that you lot are blessed with the blissful glow of my company tomorrow.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:08, Reply)
I won't have the time.
I don't get out of work until 6 so it'll be quarter past seven by the time I get there. There's a tiny bart in the restaurant and they do a fabulous chilled Peroni so he should just go there, I'd say.

The Royal Oak (a minute down the road) is also a great pub. It opens at 6am on Sundays *shudders*
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:11, Reply)
Is that the one right on Victoria Park?
I was there a couple of weekends ago. I don't want to go there again.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:14, Reply)
Nah it's on Columbia Rd - it's five-ten mins from Vic Park
The Royal Inn on the Park, you mean - fucking great boozer.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:19, Reply)
What the fuck is wrong with you barry
are you never going to have a cup of tea again, because you once had a cup of tea with this bird, are you never going to have a shit again cos you had a shit round her house etc tec
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:19, Reply)
I can't help thinking of Donny Osmond's classic hit of yesteryear, 'Puppy Love'.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:22, Reply)
I don't want to go there again cos it's shit and overpriced.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:30, Reply)
The beers are lame but it's a lovely looking pub I think.
Their Sunday roast is pretty good too. Not as good as The Approach though, but that's in a slightly worse location.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:31, Reply)
I'm dead sick and I'm off work and whenever I have time on my hands I think about coming back here for a nosey,
but I've had a look and it's shit.
Was it always this shit? Or has tiiime re-written every liiine?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:01, Reply)
It was always shit.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:02, Reply)
God help us all.
It's definitely not shitter now?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
Barry which girl have you split up with? DO I know about her?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:07, Reply)
Nah.
She was pretty ace though. I'm sad. I've already asked someone else out, gotta keep busy and all that. Gonna see if I can make it two rejections in two days.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:16, Reply)
I suggest standing outside girl 1's house all night, ideally in the rain, crying and texting every 20 seconds.
Bitches be all up on that sensitive style shit yo.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:17, Reply)
She London or Newcastle?
And the new one?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:21, Reply)
She's from Newcastle, lives down here.
Met her down here. She's 29 which makes things a bit complicated init. Other one's up there.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:23, Reply)
They normally love a bit of young stuff. That's a bit odd that she did the dumping.
Never mind, if there's another one lined up you'll be alright innit.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:25, Reply)
Ironically
their problems started when Bal took a smelly shit round hers, when he should have been at home wiping spunk off his mate's mum's computer.

Speaking of which, looks like he's just had another one:
www.london24.com/news/greenwich_factory_fire_chemical_processing_plant_blaze_london_fire_brigade_smoke_fog_blackwall_tunnel_1_1390505
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:31, Reply)
That's a man in need of a magic poo

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:33, Reply)
Nowt concrete.
I'm gonna play this thing by ear, I think she might come around. Maybe.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:31, Reply)
Do not appear desperate. Heed my advice.
Stupid as it sounds, letting her know you're really upset about it is a bad idea. Women are fucking retarded like that.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:41, Reply)
it's always shit
with the occasional good day. We just convince ourselves it used to be better.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
I feared it was the case

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:09, Reply)
It is always at least this shit if not worse. How is Edinburgh? I am there this coming weekend.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:03, Reply)
I'm wary of you in case you start taking the internet all seriously again.
"Fine thanks. You?"
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:10, Reply)
shit woman! don't provoke him!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:10, Reply)
I'm texting my mate to phone me in one minute so if he starts I can go
"Oh, my phone's ringing sorry!"
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:12, Reply)
Oh FFS what have you done??????

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:12, Reply)
And if I'd ignored him?
Jesus you can't do right for doin wrong round ere
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
Listen Battered is loco, man.
If you set him off with any questions like 'how are you?' he's liable to Hulk out and end up in the cells again.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:20, Reply)
Shut it Boyce. Don't make me angry.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:21, Reply)
LET ME VENT BOYCE.
It can be practice for tomorrow. I'm only kidding.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:17, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:21, Reply)
Hello Roota. Nice to see you back.
I have a bug so had to leave work at 10 this morning to come home, other than that I am fine thanks. Have you been to Valvona and Crolla yet?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:15, Reply)
Aren't they PJs kids?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:21, Reply)
Hahahah
The first one sounds like an intimate part of the female anatomy.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:21, Reply)
It's the second best Italian deli in the UK, after the one in Soho.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:25, Reply)
It's pretty good
it's a bit overpriced though.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:27, Reply)
It's a bit fruity round there as well

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:28, Reply)
You better not be suggesting Battered's a 'woolly woofter'.
Heaven knows what will happen if you are.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:30, Reply)
Crivens, no!
Quite the opposite! I mean there are a lot of tattooed types with unleashed dogs and stuff, round that way.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:31, Reply)
wait, you're scouse and you think the top of Leith Walk is rough?
Jesus. Don't go out in Wester Hailes. Or even Gorgie.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:33, Reply)
Now now, Liverpool isn't ALL like Croxteth.
I have my standards, and my fears.
I think I've been near Gorgie. Dalry and Polwarth were as rough as I'll be going ta. I'm scared of 'schemes'. And it's not snobbery. I was born in one. I don't like the layout, and the dogs.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:37, Reply)
My opposite neighbour
had her cat ripped to pieces in front of her last Thursday, by the dog of some scumbag visiting someone else in our block.

Apparently it was fucking horrendous.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:40, Reply)
That happened to my friend's cat.
They stood and laughed as she (8 months pregnant) got bitten and scratched while trying to drag her cat away from their two dogs.
I actually wish painful death on those cunts.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:42, Reply)
nah, fair enough. but Leith's a bit "camden"
it likes to think it's a lot "edgier" than it actually is.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:40, Reply)
I SAW A MAN WITH NO TEETH

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:41, Reply)
that's the irn bru

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:42, Reply)
Gets you through

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:45, Reply)
tastes of fucking shit, so it does.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:46, Reply)
Tastes of Lucozade, celery and Pears Soap

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:47, Reply)
haha. Edinburgh's gay district
containing 2 of the four gay bars in the town.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:30, Reply)
I meant fruity, like, fragrant,
like, rough!
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:32, Reply)
it is where the gay bars are, too.
top of the walk.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:33, Reply)
Really?
I went to the Shore on Saturday. Very nice but the bit in between the Shore and the rest of Edinburgh is like a bit of Liverpool I wouldn't walk through.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:35, Reply)
Leith? It's really not that bad.
Shore's nice. Teuchters is near you, isn't it? did you go to Teuchter's Landing? that's their bar on the Shore.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:37, Reply)
Granary.
I like Teuchters but not been to the Leith one.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:37, Reply)
it's got lots of outside seating, one of the few places on the Shore that really does
it's down a little alley just up the road from the Granary, opposite the Cameo. I'd give it a go next time the sun shines and it's warm. I think it's in the diary for 2014 now.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:42, Reply)
Haha I am aware of this!
Public transport's boss so I will be off there again. Take the fella this time.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:43, Reply)
Also, there's another one by Selfridges on St Andrews Sq now, I think.
V&C, that is, not gay bars
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:31, Reply)
I think they have a place inside Jenners as well, but that may only be a coffee shop.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:33, Reply)
They sound like Conan's sisters.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:28, Reply)
*narrows eyes*
No. Thank you.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:22, Reply)
It's always been shit.
Maybe not this shit though.

I'm thinking of going to Mumsnet instead.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:04, Reply)
i wanted to go to just seventeen, but the bastards went bust

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Probably means there's no Mandy or Bunty either :(

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:06, Reply)
i dunno about them, were they around pre-internet?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:07, Reply)
Pre all of us
Except Monty.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
I reckon they'd be a laugh.
Didn't barry used to go there?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:06, Reply)
Crackhouse reckons it's great.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:09, Reply)
I'm sure she has her sport with them

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:11, Reply)
It's always been shit
but then people leave and it gets a bit shitter so more people leave.

Self-fulfilling wotsit, innit.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:10, Reply)
You should leave.
Then it would be better.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:12, Reply)
NOT REALLY!!!!!!!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
IT'D BE THE SAME!!!!!!!!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
Oh what?
That cuts. I can feel another deep space voyage coming on.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
Make it so.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
*Boldly goes*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:15, Reply)
this is also sadly true

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:14, Reply)
Evening all, what did I miss?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:30, Reply)
alright Sue/Craig/Bert-at-a-stretch

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:32, Reply)
Rod, Jane and Freddy

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:34, Reply)
Rory reckons it's spakka

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:36, Reply)
? lost me ?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:37, Reply)
It's got that inquisitive/helpful gay robot thing going on like Colclough or even Roger in his early days.
But I haven't seen enough. Who knows.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:39, Reply)
Shit all, HH,
shit all.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:35, Reply)
Oh dear. I can't be bothered to read all of todays threads.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:36, Reply)
Does anyone actually do that though?
If I havent posted in a thread am I fuck reading it. I'm too self involved.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:39, Reply)
Hi Baz, hows the stalking getting on?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:41, Reply)
Same as, old boy.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:43, Reply)
I give 'em a skim to see if there's been any loldrama

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:44, Reply)
Penny just dropped
You mean rory wasn't calling me a spaz by mrspakkaman?

OMG you people are worse than a spinsters knitting circle
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:47, Reply)
"Oh gosh lordy I had no idea because I've NEVER been here before"
Haha, good luck with this one, people.
Monty, if he says he's just got engaged DON'T congratulate him til you've seen the white of his eggs.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:50, Reply)
Monty start a pool
We can split it when the pots big enough, god knows you need the money.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:51, Reply)
REVEAL YOURSELF !!!!!!!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:53, Reply)
...it's pretty shit when it comes to this

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:53, Reply)
*drops pants for Rory*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:53, Reply)
*glomps*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:54, Reply)
*drops monocle*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:55, Reply)
*proffers tea methinks*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:55, Reply)
JUST FUCK OFF

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:55, Reply)
Don't you love me anymore Rory. I don't think I could handle the rejection, if only I could ask someone for stalking tips I would win you back

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:57, Reply)
Ha.
My cousin's rang about half a dozen girls on my phone.. Now I'm getting texts asking why I called them bum heads in a high pitched voice. Last time I let him use my phone "cos I just want to play Temple Run". The little swine.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:38, Reply)
Hahahah

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:44, Reply)
That brass house text the other night was boss

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:47, Reply)
I can't believe I was given such an opportunity.
Still don't know who it was.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:54, Reply)
Right I'm gonna try to go to the shop without fainting

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:48, Reply)

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