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# hey guys
how do you open a bottle of wine if you don't have a corkscrew?
thank'ee

and have a domo for your assistance
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:32, archived)
# SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER
carefully lick up the wine, avoiding glass.
(I helped save b3ta! _null_, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:33, archived)
# my favorite response
thank you
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:36, archived)
# LICK IT
LICK IT HARD!
(I helped save b3ta! _null_, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:37, archived)
# SHAPE IT UP
GET IT STRAIGHT
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:38, archived)
# hit the neck really hard
hopefully it will break
(I helped save b3ta! kitty meow meow, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:33, archived)
# key
it.

/years of experience
(I helped save b3ta! 100% of Gibbon, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:33, archived)
# have some ice cream
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:33, archived)
# Harmonic resonance.
(vork and burlap, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:33, archived)
# you've only gone and swallowed THE FUCKING DICTIONARY
(I helped save b3ta! _null_, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:35, archived)
# Damn straight honky.
(vork and burlap, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:35, archived)
# even the french?
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:38, archived)
# if you have a screw you screw it most of the way in and then wrap twine or wire arround it and pull it out
works pbetter with a hook as you can use soemthing solid to pull it out

a drill works too carefull with power ones
(The Scone from U.N.C.L.E., Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:34, archived)
# push the cork in!
not a particularly elegant solution but it works :)
(I helped save b3ta! eclectech is older but no wiser, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:34, archived)
# been trying to do that
it's a rather stubborn cork....

thanks for the "help" all :)
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:35, archived)
# mash up the cork with a screwdriver
then pour the wine through a disposable cloth, such as an old, clean teatowel, into a jug. that filters out the cork.
(I helped save b3ta! _null_, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:38, archived)
# it works for me
but it's always been with white wine. red wine will fuc|< teatowels over badly
(I helped save b3ta! _null_, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:39, archived)
# Salt
will solve that
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:42, archived)
# but then you've got salt in your towels
and how do you get rid of salt?
pour red wine on it
(I helped save b3ta! Or is it?, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:47, archived)
# ha ha ha
i thought that said "rather stubborn cock"...
(I helped save b3ta! 100% of Gibbon, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:39, archived)
# luckily
I've never found one of those in a bottle of wine
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:40, archived)
# its usually at the bottom
(I helped save b3ta! Or is it?, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:42, archived)
# likea
peyote worm...
(I helped save b3ta! 100% of Gibbon, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:45, archived)
# so that's what that is
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:45, archived)
# suck it
suck it really hard
(gamera, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:34, archived)
# Cork it.
Just push the cork into the bottle with a pencil or something. Yeah - it makes the wine a little hard to pour. But it's the latest fashion on the streets.

(D.A. Jim Garrison, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:34, archived)
# I have no idea
I always have a corkscrew, it's the girl-guide in me. Be prepared.
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:34, archived)
# always a corkscrew?
what about other essentials?
non-safety matches? strong twine? torches?
(I helped save b3ta! _null_, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:36, archived)
# Always.
And a compass of course :)
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:38, archived)
# Until I got a mobile phone
I always used to keep 10p in my sock for a phone box.
(vork and burlap, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:40, archived)
# How lovely
My mum used to give me 50p emergency money. Single fags were an emergency for me at the time.
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:43, archived)
# hit the base of
the bottle agains something solid.

whilst holding the bottle horizontaly
(I helped save b3ta! jsut peopel, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:35, archived)
# wow
what good engllish


it does work thoooohg
(I helped save b3ta! jsut peopel, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:36, archived)
# no really
it does work.

just try it and you will see.
(I helped save b3ta! jsut peopel, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:38, archived)
# the other option
but it only works with champagne, is to shake the bottle, then tap the neck of the bottle with a knife/sword whatever. The force of the bottle causes a totally clean break, thus leaving you with (sadly) a frothing bottle of champagne. Still - looks good at parties.
(D.A. Jim Garrison, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:37, archived)
# a sword?
(I helped save b3ta! kitty meow meow, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:37, archived)
# Yes. A Sword.
This is what I have seen Cavalry officers use at Sandhurst. Its quite impressive really.
(D.A. Jim Garrison, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:44, archived)
# Men in Tights reference?
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:39, archived)
# Microwave it
the pressure will push the cork out!*




*dont be an idiot and actually do this

(Nicky Nacky Noo... Scratch and Sniff Please, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:37, archived)
# charm it out
maybe some chocolates and flowers?
(I helped save b3ta! bleepbloop, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:38, archived)
# I'll try my feminine wiles
that should do the trick
(KnitWit, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:39, archived)
# or
cover the end of a knife with a tea-towel (so it doesn't hurt the palm of your hand when you press) and press down firmly, pushing the cork into the bottle.
(I helped save b3ta! bleepbloop, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:43, archived)
# Girls can talk
anything out of anything. I'm sure you can coax it out.
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:45, archived)
# Girls
they can't talk a 5 inch dent out of my rear bumper, can they? F*ck no! Not today! Thankyou kindly.

I was STATIONARY. She drove into my '74 VW beetle with her Ford fricken KA.
Her car : No damage.
My car : bumper now shaped like a fucking B.

(D.A. Jim Garrison, Sat 22 Nov 2003, 3:51, archived)