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# WELCOME TO HELL
 


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(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:33, archived)
# This is a PIZZA.
DO NOT PRETEND THAT I CANNOT SEE THESE THINGS.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:34, archived)
# hell is cold pizza?
or is it that hell is coated in manky cheese?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:35, archived)
# GIRL WE'VE COME
TO THE EE-EEND OF THE ROAD

AND I JUUUST CAN'T LET GO.

SHUT UP.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:36, archived)
# it's
unnatural
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:38, archived)
# A girl sang this into my answering machine once.
at the time I thought it was hilarious and played it to all my friends. These days I just wish I could get that kind of action.

One of my mates is in a three-year relationship with her now.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:40, archived)
# i had a message once
from some unknown kid, crying and telling me that his tortoise was dead.
i still don't know who he was.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:41, archived)
# Late at night, when I was a little TOO out of it, I used to leave messages like this.
"Listen, I don't know your name, but I've just slept with your missus. I really think we should talk about it, call me on (good friend's phone number)."
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:45, archived)
# hahahaha!
i learned a good one from watching Roseanne. i called some girl i hated, knowing that her husband had been on a business trip the previous weekend without her.
"hello, mrs. x? this is the receptionist at the (insert name here) hotel. our cleaner has found your black silk negligee in your room. would you like us to post it to you?"
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:49, archived)
# That reminds me of the time I went to a mates house (they had a rather Large Turtle)
To be greeted at the door by his wife asking "Have you seen our turtle?"
With a confused look on my face I said "was he about this high?" With an 1/2"gap between my fingers indicating the height.
"No, he was rather large" She responded.
"Oh, thats a pity 'cos there is one this high (as previously mentioned), and thiiiis wide (making my arms link up into the biggest posible circle) just on the road over there!"
(it had been well fucked up by a car)
She cried.
I was not that popular that day.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:51, archived)
# STICKBALL!
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:53, archived)
# woo to you, sir.
second lol of the day!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:53, archived)
# HELL IS DRAWING ON A TOUCHPAD.
 
My pizza was coated in delicious fresh mozzarella.

IT'S GONE NOW
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:38, archived)
# awwww
you should have gone for the curry, it tastes even better cold
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:42, archived)
# Dial-up's a bit slower, but at least I can smoke and drink while I'm on the internets.
 
and eat pizza.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:42, archived)
# THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.
MOZZARELLA POLICE, ARREST THIS GIRL, HER CHARLIE SHEEN HAIRDO, IT'S MAKING ME FEEL ILL.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:42, archived)
# HOW MUCH DRY MACARONI DO I NEED TO COOK TO MAKE TWO CUPS COOKED?
 
SCIECNCE.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:45, archived)
# 1.5 CUPS.
TRUST ME ON THIS.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:46, archived)
# I HAVE SOME ORGANIC CAVATAPPI. IT BETTER BE GOOD.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:59, archived)
# PROMISE ME YOU HAVE MADE THE PESTO YOURSELF.
PLEASE SAY YES.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:01, archived)
# WHAT AM I, GAY?
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:03, archived)
# I STILL HAVEN'T WORKED THAT ONE OUT FOR SURE.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:04, archived)
# Skirtchaser, I'm rarely wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:07, archived)
# ROFL.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:11, archived)
# Not to say sheep and small ponies should be left alone with him.
But enough abuse, both liquid and text.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:15, archived)
# POKIEMON!
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:16, archived)
# ESPECIALLY A DUDE IN A SKIRT.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:25, archived)
# are you wearing
rubber gloves?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:06, archived)
# THERE IS PIZZA IN HELL.
I WILL FEAST ON IT.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:35, archived)
# YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS. DO NOT. SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
I sent a similar message from my boss's email on friday night.

Furburger will tell you all about the aftermath tomorrow.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:38, archived)
# THIS IS TED TURNER. PLEASE STOP CALLING ME LIKE THIS.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:39, archived)
# I CAN SEE EVERYTHING.
I CAN HEAR EVERY WORD.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:40, archived)
# IT'S NEAR 4 AND I STILL HAVE RUM
I WOULD ADVISE RUNNING.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:42, archived)
# YARRRRRRRRRRRR!
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:45, archived)
# *burp*
Arrr *burp* rrrrr!
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:49, archived)
# JOHN CUSACK IS SHOUTING NOW.
 
I DON'T THINK HE KILLED ANYBODY BUT YOU NEVER KNOW
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:43, archived)
# never trust the cusak!
he has eyes like an evil dog
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:45, archived)
# JOHN CUSACK CAN SHUT THE HELL UP.
HE NEVER LISTENS ANYWAY.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:46, archived)
# THERE WAS A DEAD GUY IN THE FREEZER AND THE WHOLE PLACE WAS BUILT ON AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND.
 
THINGS ARE LOOKING UP
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:55, archived)
# WELL MY WIFE HAS JUST LEFT ME FOR A CANE TOAD
AND MY FOUR YEAR OLD SON TELLS ME THAT IT'S THE END OF THE ROAD

BUT BASICALLY SPEAKING, THINGS ARE ON THE UP.

DOOOO, DO DO DO DOOO DOOOOO
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:58, archived)
# HE DID JUST SHOOT RAY LIOTTA IN THE GUT BUT IT WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:22, archived)
# RAY LIOTTA WAS TOTALLY ASKING FOR THAT SHIT.
HE OWES ME SOME SERIOUS MONAYS.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:24, archived)
# has it been
pickled?
(I helped save b3ta! pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Sun 19 Aug 2007, 11:51, archived)
# IT HAS BEEN EATED.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 12:02, archived)