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# I read it as
'Help help there are spiders on my cock and I can't stop spluffing!'

Teh GUSH!
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:47, archived)
# I smell a movie deal...

(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:48, archived)
# Starring Adam Sandler
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:50, archived)
# "Arachnophilia"
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Hellzapoppin, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:52, archived)
# Hahaha!
This!

*stars in*

6. Profit!
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:55, archived)
# tickle much?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir T. Skellington, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:48, archived)
# Of course.
In a giggly way.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:50, archived)
# It's not much fun, soft cock. It is like trying to tighten up a screw with a maggot. And keeping the lob in a sexy twat - that is very tricky.
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:51, archived)
# I don't think I fully understood this
but I'd like to.

I got the first bit, but 'keeping the lob in a sexy twat'...is that a lob-on? and why is it hard (if you'll excuse the phrasing) to keep that in sexy bits? surely the problem would be the other way, albeit for a very short time?
(I helped save b3ta! Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:57, archived)
# *SUPERMEGAGIANTGLOMP*
(I helped save b3ta! Aphex The Mink Snackless, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:06, archived)
# Aww, pity be a fine thing ;)
*enjoys glomps*
(I helped save b3ta! Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:09, archived)
# it wasn't a pity glomp Jess
i just hadn't given you a proper greeting yet
(I helped save b3ta! Aphex The Mink Snackless, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:14, archived)
# It's a quote from Jam about 'The Gush'.
It is to be said in a Dutch accent.
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:08, archived)
# Oh

I feel lost and still don't understand

Edit: Having looked that up I now sort of understand, and have discovered the origins of one of my favourite tv shows (not because I particularly liked all the sketches, but because I liked what they were trying to do, and a fair few worked really well for me :D).
(I helped save b3ta! Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:10, archived)
# it's a sketch show.
there was a disease called "the gush" where porn stars came and just kept coming, until they ran out of spluff and sparted spunking blood and organs and died.

After that, the only safe way to make porn was soft-cock porn, where you don't get aroused, and apparently it was tricky at best.
but then you know that
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:15, archived)
# Thank you kind sir!
(I helped save b3ta! Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:21, archived)
# Blue Jam FTW
\o/
(I helped save b3ta! - D - SharkTrousers, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 15:58, archived)
# he jangled his chain, and farted incomprehensibly
(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 16:07, archived)