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# Head Torch
What completely fucking useless presents did you get this year? Please post your dust bin fillers below.
Sinful TOAP

Can't for the life of me think of one use for this thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:12, archived)
# Maybe you got it wrong
Maybe it's worn else where so you can penetrate in the dark!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:13, archived)
# This did cross my mind....but i always do it with the light on.
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:14, archived)
# I notice that one has a swivel to direct the beam
Hadn't the designers heard of a neck?
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:16, archived)
# It's obvious
It's so you can illuminate in a different direction to where you are looking
(I helped save b3ta! Marty McFly can't grate cheese without getting angry, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:18, archived)
# Again, neck.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:20, archived)
# But eye point in direction of neck
Although why the question still remains as to why you would want to look in the dark and illuminate in the opposite direction remains :-]
(I helped save b3ta! Marty McFly can't grate cheese without getting angry, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:40, archived)
# it has a band. Surely that would do the job.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:41, archived)
# That's not to swivel the beam it's to turn it on
my Hubby has one like this for night time fishing.
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:19, archived)
# Because buttons are so passe!
Apologises for starting a sentence with a conjunction.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:21, archived)
# Absolutely
turning knobs is the new thing!
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:22, archived)
# Not for you:P
*hides*
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:22, archived)
# it's her husband's
*runs before full implications sink in*
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:23, archived)
# ?
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:25, archived)
# Maths geek
Sex is illusive:P
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:27, archived)
# The joke is left as an exercise for the reader...
deris read the proof of theorem 8.1
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:30, archived)
# Remember to show your working out
I just don't want to see it.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:31, archived)
# :(
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:32, archived)
# Aaaaw turn that frown upside down!
*dangles by feet*
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:49, archived)
# well, I can think of a heap of knob twiddling jokes
that would question orientation, prowess and partners. I tried to come up with a sentence that would encorage the reader to think of them...
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:29, archived)
# Cheeky bugger
*shakes tits fist*
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:24, archived)
# HAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:26, archived)
# It's got turny-bits to unscrew where the batteries go in
clicky buttons to turn it on and cycle through the modes (really bright, sort of bright and slightly bright) and the tilty bit so you can have it pointing forwards for, e.g. walking or caving, or pointing down for talking to someone without blinding them or avoiding eye contact.

I use mine loads, because I enjoy looking like a special.
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:55, archived)
# add a dobber to that and you've got an All teh Win present
allowing you to free your hands up at a darkened keyboard to do.... errr... stuff maybe!
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:18, archived)
# great idea....
has backlit keyboard for just su...never mind
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:20, archived)
# you'll appreciate it in the impending blackouts
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7779241.stm
(I helped save b3ta! connor, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:20, archived)
# I have invested heavily in Lampyris noctiluca and Phosphaenus hemipterus.
I intend to hook thousands of them up in series to power my home.
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:23, archived)
# that's actually quite useful.
not only for blackouts and stuff, but if you happen to be working under a car, or crawling around a inside a roof etc. I would like one and would be greatful for it and the nice thought...
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:22, archived)
# You sound like you need one.
message me your address and bank details.
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:25, archived)
# address
Pothole
University of Sydney
F08 2006
AUSTRALIA

banking details:
The leftmost sock under my matress
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:28, archived)
# hahhhahhahhhahahaaahha POTHOLE! ftw
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:29, archived)
# well the building code is for a building, so
this is the pothole
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:37, archived)
# Christ that's good thinking!
I'd assumed one wore it with the light shining into your forehead so that a pretty diffused glow was emitted from your ears, nostrils and other cranial cavities. But to wear it the other way round, so you could see where you're going in the dark - that's brilliant!
(I helped save b3ta! Ptolemy the man with the silent pea, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:25, archived)
# hahaha
nutter
(I helped save b3ta! sock more tea vicar?, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:27, archived)
# hhahhhahhhahhahhahha
Funniest thing i've read today.
Clicks
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:28, archived)
# hahahah
(k3b/-\b Peace man., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:32, archived)
# Not a Christmas present per se
But I did just get this magnificent (unshopped) CDC from lastminute.com in my inbox...



:)
(Grucacious McNasty is snoozing gently on, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:30, archived)
# Oh Bravo sir!
A gift indeed.
ACE
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:32, archived)
# I got a massive thing that looks like a wine glass on a very long stem
It probably takes 1 whole bottle of wine.
I'm not sure what it's for.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:39, archived)
# sounds like a butt plug to me
(I helped save b3ta! sock more tea vicar?, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:41, archived)
# discretely enabling alchoholism
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:42, archived)
# Did anyone buy you a trowel for Christmas?
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:49, archived)
# no, I don't need my burying of victims discretely enabling, I use a shovel
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:50, archived)
# No, silly
It's for building a patio OVER the grave.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:52, archived)
# yeah it sounds like a good idea
but moving them about constantly and rebuilding them's a real pain
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:53, archived)
# It's for kissing
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:43, archived)
# Hahaha
That took me a while.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:49, archived)
# 'S GOOD for cycling & fishing though, mine's FUCKED from where I dropped it & stepped on it.
(Stashie is plotting against his blender on, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 10:51, archived)
# not exactly useless
but i did get a bottle opener shaped like a cricket ball that plays a bit of cricket commentary when you open the bottle.

i'm not really in to cricket and i hardly drink.
(MrChimp previously Monsieur, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 11:10, archived)
# From someone who knows you really well then!
I've been with her indoors for 20 years and she still manages without fail every single christmas, to buy something that makes me think WTF!
(I helped save b3ta! Hummel Who died and made you....oh wait...., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 11:26, archived)