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# THE LIES THE LIES THE BARBED PHALLUS THE HAUNTING SOUND OF THE PIPES


Click pic for bigger (200k)

Previously on A Peanuts Apocalypse:
www.b3ta.com/board/9798257
www.b3ta.com/board/9799929
www.b3ta.com/board/9803889
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:54, archived)
# are you having a peanuts-based acid flashback?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:57, archived)
# BEWARE THE APPROACH OF THE HORNED GOD
THE DARK IT RISES THE FLAMES THEY COME THE CLOUDS THE BIRDS THE BATS THE RATS THE COCKROACHES THEY CRAWL INTO YOUR EVERY ORIFICE AND THE LAUGHTER OF THE DAMNED AND THE PAIN AND THE LIES
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:58, archived)
# I'm having this as my voicemail message
(I helped save b3ta! greedydave cries when he wanks, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:59, archived)
# Hahaha
I sincerely hope you do.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:01, archived)
# there's no cockroaches in MY orifices, mate!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:01, archived)
# LIES
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:03, archived)
# i'm fairly sure i would have noticed if there were
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:06, archived)
# They drip anaesthetic
from their clacking, slurping fangs

You don't even feel them until, sated and bloated, they drop comatose from where they hung and you feel them slipping down your leg, or your cheek, or your lips or out of your eyes or in your hair and you brush and you brush and you scream and you choke on the cockroaches that cling to your tongue and stifle your cries and your breathing.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:08, archived)
# i believe you have been reading Poe and smoking opium
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:11, archived)
# I wish this were true
but I've lost my pipe so it's back to chewing for me.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:12, archived)
# carve a new pipe
out of the shin bone of a lemur
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:14, archived)
# No lemurs here :(
It's OK with opium, but have you ever tried chewing crack?
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:19, archived)
# yes
but not that kind
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:25, archived)
# Well... I would say "He comes...."
But I think he might have done that already!
(I helped save b3ta! The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:57, archived)
# Repeatedly
Apparently it burns.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:58, archived)
# Bappy Hirfday Mr Chutney

(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:00, archived)
# ha ha
Cheers I have indeed have had a wonderful day! I am off to curl up with the new fortean times book of "odd stories" :D
(I helped save b3ta! The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:19, archived)
# Hope those odd stories don't give you nightmares!
But lots of inspirations for conspiracy theory image challenges insteads :D
(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:25, archived)
# Next time
try some of heysamgraham's. Less impurities, less bad dreams.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:58, archived)
# But without the dreams
life is empty and without inspiration. Although there are fewer night-sweats and terrors, this is true.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:59, archived)
# Charles Schutlz, even though deceased, is getting a case of morning wood over this


EDIT: actually, Peanuts was kind of like a religion to me when I was a kid, so I feel I may go to hell over enjoying this
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:00, archived)
# I don't blame him
I was getting pretty excited when I made it.


Edit: Oh, me too, especially the earlier ones -- up to about 1966 or so, about the time Snoopy started flying. I enjoyed those ones but there was a certain charm in it when Snoopy was still a normal dog and Linus was but a baby. Have you seen the reissues of the Complete Peanuts? They're lovely books, beautifully done. Well worth it, actually.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:01, archived)
#
Yeah, I liked it up until woodstock. As an older person now, I can imagine that the bird was added to keep the brand fresh and hip.

I will check that out, thanks!
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:19, archived)
# http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Peanuts-1950-1954-Box-Set/dp/1560976322/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259619755&sr=8-5
I'd have linked to the UK Amazon but the US one has more previews. They're actually very nice editions. Well recommended.

No Pan, flames, magenta cocks or apocalypse though :(
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:24, archived)
# Not until you've scanned and photoshopped them, anyway ;)
anyway ;)
(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:27, archived)
# Hmmm, now *that* would be an ambitious project
Photoshopping a mixture of Pan and Zalgo-inspired apocalypse onto every single Peanuts cartoon ever drawn...
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:30, archived)
# Bet you never thought that would be your life's work
when you were speaking to the careers adviser at school ;)
(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:39, archived)
# Not at all
but if they'd told me that I'd have been a lot more enthusiastic about the whole thing.

"So, Mr Spider. In your career you might expect to be an accountant, or an actuary, or you might expect to photoshop every existing Peanuts comic into a grotesque apocalyptic sequence replete with bum-rape and Pan."

"Hot damn!"
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:52, archived)
# Heh heh
and who cares about the pay or pension scheme with a job like that.
(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 23:00, archived)
# Exactly!
The pay will look after itself. Or it will until Schultz's estate come after me -- but they'll have to find me first... :)
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 23:06, archived)
# wow, that is fabulous
buy me that :D :D
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:41, archived)
# I need to buy them for myself first
I keep buying them for my Mum as birthday and Christmas presents. Now I need to buy my own. Then I can move onto other people. :)
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:53, archived)
# Before 9am delivery, guaranteed
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:05, archived)
# Good grief!
Roasted Peanuts...
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:09, archived)
# ...
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:24, archived)
# I can't tell if he's about to solve it
or if he's about to go on a massive killing spree, stabbing people in the hearts with scissors and then pissing over their corpses.

I go for the latter.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:25, archived)
# I am very much afraid you might be right.
*sigh*
(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:27, archived)
# Hey
don't knock it till you've tried it
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:30, archived)
# It's the last bit I would find difficult.
I'm quite modest, you know.
(I helped save b3ta! wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:36, archived)
# Weeing over corpses is easy
It's posting it on YouTube and not being arrested that's the hard part.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:54, archived)
# THE LIES
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:41, archived)
# THE LIES
Is she about to wee on him while he's in his coma?
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:55, archived)
# Contemplating who gets the barbed phallus first?
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 23:06, archived)
# I'm always contemplating who gets the barbed phallus first
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 23:12, archived)