At 4pm GMT you must stop whatever trivial task you are doing and put your hands into your pants for a quick bit of fumbling self-pleasure.

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

all of the smutty ramblings of bored b3ta workers across the country.

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn

This sounds like an excellent way to abuse our dark room. 'In Use'

we time our orgasms for 4.15pm then we could generate enough noise to be heard from space, except in space no one can hear you scream.

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

15?!


Erm... I mean... "Is that all?"

Enzyme is powered by sunlight

I think we mena re far more business like about this sort of thing!

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn

and we can have an almighty release at 4.05pm.

*selects appropriate (ha!) Literotica stories*

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

I'll meet you on my second go...

Pooflake braces for an onslaught...

5?!

etc...

Enzyme is powered by sunlight

Blokes at one minute past the hour, girls at a more leisurely pace.

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

and practising one-handed typing. this has taken five minutes.

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

I'd better start warming up now!

*lubes*

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn

Anyone know any good delay tactics

Are we allowed artificial aids?

If my top quality vibrator hadn't broken (I refuse to contemplate that it was overused) then I could probably time mine for 4:00:30pm. Alas, I've yet to replace it.

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

We should have gone shopping - we were just round the corner from a few emporiums of delight.

Mine is knackered too...and my spare one has been lost...ahem...

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

Oh, the image that that creates...

Enzyme is powered by sunlight

I recently replaced mine but when i got it home it didn't work.
Had to take it back to the shop and stand there while they checked it over to make sure i hadn't used it first! Urgh! Took me about an hour to go back to my normal colour :(

and I can tell you most are a complete pile of crap, it's worth investing in a quality brand. I can recommend if you like.

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn

recommendations gratefully received :)

What you are looking for for is something that is 100% medical grade silicone, these are soft, hygenic and dishwasher safe!

The best brands to go for are Tantus from the good ole U.S of A who have a massive range, all silicone with vibrating bullets for the power. therefore easily replaced if "worn out".

Fun factory are German and do silicone vibes with a traditional battery compartment and and speed controls. If you are looking for a non insertable toy I would highly recommend the layaspot, 7 functions and a variety of coulours.

try either www.lovehoney.com or www.lolasloveshack.com both are run by lovely people who are completely unseedy!

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn

Tell us which one is the best to have!

I found the Rabbit to be somewhat lacking in sturdiness.

*EDIT* Yay for Lovehoney.com!

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

Is ace. And you get free stuff :)

rabbits are always popular, it's really a matter of picking a good one, again funfactory have a number of rabbit style vibes.

Avoid anything that smells (!) that lilo smell is pthalates leaching out. Pthalates are plastercisers used to soften plastic, while not illegal they are banned from childrens toys in Europe. As an aside they are what causes new car smell.

Really the choice is up to you, but if you are feeling adventurous try the rock chick, they go down an absolute storm and are hands free!!

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn

*max-es credit card*

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

Who is Max and what did you do to him with your credit card?

*smirks*

Enzyme is powered by sunlight

Do we click 'I can't make it, sorry' if we get sidetracked at the last moment by kittens? Or soft furnishings?

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

"I can't come"

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

;)

Enzyme is powered by sunlight

Fucking pedant!

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

Quite frankly I'm shocked at what you are suggesting here!

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

In for a penny, in for a pound...

Good job I've met some of you.

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics.

So you can picture us all belming at the necessary moment?

;)

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

Absolutely...

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics.

PLEASE KEEP ALL WEB CAMS SWITCHED OFF

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

We don't want to be responsible for
a) a total overload of the broadband lines in the UK
b) minor revolutions across the globe
c) getting caught by employers/students/responsible adults

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor

Are we back to the conversation of your video camera?

Lucky I made it back from Site early, I would have hated to have missed this. Now, whats the best way to not look suspicious when you put paper over the window in your door and then lock it?

Just write "In a Meating" on the paper.

With intention spelling error.

Cawl

And I thought it was a boring day at work!

*blows on hands*

To the cubicle!

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!

Wank, my pretties, wank!

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

This surely is a phrase that ought to be in more common usage.

Happy Wanking Wednesday everyone!

*For auld lang synes*

*doesn't hold hands with the person next to him*

*edit* damn my work clock for being 1 minute fast.

premature ejaculation when wanking must be the height of embarrassment.

that good.

fantastic

*sings*

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet

who's up for Onanism Thursday?

wanking on consectutive days? Is that even possible?

well thats improved my day 100%.

when it's time to stop?

The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!

is the only reason you should ever stop.
Ever.

And I've still got a touch of the leg wobbles...

Pooflake braces for an onslaught...

Anyone else feel a sudden urge for a cheese sarnie, followed by a ten minute snooze?

[apologies for late-startedness]

I haven't come too late.

warmfuzzies Isn't here