The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein
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wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Sun 12 Oct 2025, 22:07,
Reply)
I saw the trailer and thought it looked good,
but the full film is basically 20 minutes of the same 4 or 5 jokes which don't get any funnier, sadly.
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brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 16:47,
Reply)
The Onion has really lost its mojo since the real news turned completely bizarro and robbed them of their USP.
The whole fixation about Epstein being a peado is lazy as fuck, technically inaccurate, detracts from the noncey shit he was actually doing, and indirectly harms attempts to make genuine paedos seek help before they potentially go on to offend.
The Stranger published a pretty decent article about it all a few years back. Labelling him a paedo is almost like claiming his actual crimes weren't sufficiently noncey, which is utter bollocks.
(, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 18:29, Reply)
That article was interesting
What's the difference between a paedo and a nonce?
(, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 19:10, Reply)
'Nonce' has become synonymous with child molestation
But technically, any kind of offence that would put you at risk of getting murdered by your cellmate would make you a nonce. Pretty much any offence involving a child, sexual or otherwise. Sex offences in general. Convicted coppers are all massive nonces, too. Fucking a dog would be considered pretty noncey too, I bet.
(, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 19:36, Reply)
That didn't help much
But i like the idea that getting murdered by your cellmate could be prevented by bringing up a technicality.
(, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 22:51, Reply)
I was told by someone who'd been working in prisons that it stands for
"Not on normal communal exercise"
Which makes sense, but I'm not planning on looking up if it's correct.
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tarka_dall Like normal dall, only a bit more spicy, Tue 14 Oct 2025, 6:46,
Reply)
If you want to be really strict about it...
Paedophilia is a sexual attraction towards children that are not physically mature enough to have sex (prepubescent), single digit ages and a bit older
Sexual attraction towards children that are emotionally immature but not physically immature is something else, and there’s your nonces
AFAIK, Epstein's victims were the latter and he wasn't a paedophile
I can live with paedophilia being used to refer to both things by most people (not psychologists and law enforcement etc.) though because "actually, it's not paedophilia" is often used to diminish the severity of sexual abuse of underage children / minors, or just fancying them, or the disgusting things tabloids used (?) to publish before famous minors' 16th birthdays
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custard, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 19:55,
Reply)
I think it goes a bit deeper than that.
Like the article says, it's almost 'natural' for heterosexual men to have some level of lizard-brain sexual attraction to females once they begin to present as being fertile/pubescent. It's our moral/cultural compass that decides at what age that sexual attraction becomes appropriate (18 in the UK, currently).
Being attracted to infants is something completely different. It's much more of a psychological disorder than an issue of morals. There is absolutely no evolutionary explanation for paedophilia. It's simply a case of having a faulty brain. I'm sure there are a few proper fucking wrong 'uns out there who revel in their paraphilic tendencies (Savile, Watkins, etc). But I suspect that most paedos arent paedos by choice - especially if the 1 in 50 figure is accurate.
Either way, whether its infants or adolescents, it's only really an issue of you make the choice to act on those urges. And that's always a choice.
(, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 20:41, Reply)
infants can generate considerable and sustained suction power until they're weened
food for thought
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 14 Oct 2025, 14:34,
Reply)
According to the AI :
"The main clinical terms are:
Pedophilia - Sexual attraction to prepubescent children (typically under 11-13)
Hebephilia - Sexual attraction to pubescent children (typically ages 11-14)
Ephebophilia - Sexual attraction to mid-to-late adolescents (typically ages 15-19)
These are defined by the age/developmental stage of the individual the person is attracted to. Pedophilia is recognized as a psychiatric disorder in the DSM-5, while the other terms are less formally classified but used in clinical and research contexts."
Seems there is more than I knew about. Who thought the definitions could be so nonced, sorry I meant nuanced.
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My Name was saying these words inside your head on, Tue 14 Oct 2025, 9:06,
Reply)
While I’m sure there’s medical advantages in splitting hairs like that
I’m ok with lumping them all in together more generally as at the end of the day they’re still fucking kids.
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wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Tue 14 Oct 2025, 11:23,
Reply)
You're a nonce regardless of whether the kid you're fucking is 5 or 15.
But you're fucking mental if you think the two are otherwise comparable.
(, Tue 14 Oct 2025, 12:21, Reply)
I think it was more satirising the raft of expose style docos than comment on epstein
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 13 Oct 2025, 22:55,
Reply)
Discussion about what level of noncery is socially acceptable.
Ladies and gentlemen, /links!
(, Wed 15 Oct 2025, 13:54, Reply)
Oh look!
It's an expert on the subject from /talk.
What happened? Did you get a Google alert for "fucking kids"?
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wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Wed 15 Oct 2025, 15:10,
Reply)
Brilliant, 'I know you are, but what am I?!'
This place never disappoints!
(, Wed 15 Oct 2025, 16:05, Reply)
it is a bit of a red flag
remember that noncepunch guy, rabidrodent whose qotw stories involved him screwing minors?
he was well up on the age of consent in different countries
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 16 Oct 2025, 2:23,
Reply)
I come to /links for sensible and nuanced discourse regarding sex crimes.
Noncery nuancery, if you will.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2025, 8:29, Reply)
