Wet Snacks
Long time listener, first time caller.

I was DJing at a wedding a number of years back in a very small town in Scotland, about 2 miles from the very small town in Scotland I used to live in.

It was a stupidly cheap affair, in a pub's back room with tesco value snacks as the meal (and cake), a dress from top shop and, well, me as the entertainment.

I played the usual shite, then after the bride and groom had buggered off, I got to raid the buffet for a bit of an after gig snack. There was a load left as most of the guests were far more interested in getting pissed and hitting each other than a fatty sausage roll or chicken wing. They bought me a lot of beer too though, bless em

I filled a plastic bag with snacks and decided to walk the couple of miles home and collect my gear in the morning rather than spend my hard earned on a taxi. Was rather chuffed as I wouldn't be forking out for a kebab now either.

Bag in hand, I stumbled home alongside a local golf course. The free lager needed out now, so I slipped off the road and let 'im loose. Weird thing was, I could feel it leaving my body, but didn't hear it hitting the ground. Yes, I was pissing in my bag of free food.

If that isn't abusing freebies I don't know what is.

Don't understand what this length thing is all about.
( Cheeses of Nazareth Where's Captain Kirk? www.whereiskirk.com, Sun 11 Nov 2007, 3:37, 6 replies)

I've never had the guts to ask
But, yes, what IS this length thing all about?
(Multi-Coloured Pop Shop "twat with a ukulele", Sun 11 Nov 2007, 13:37, closed)

Length
The length thing goes back to people apologising for posting really long replies, then, this being b3ta and you'd expect nothing less from such fine upstanding folks, got converted in to a length your your anatomy.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 11 Nov 2007, 14:03, closed)

Yep
A good example is 'I would apologise for length, but your mother never complained last night.'

Most people post something like 'Length? It would shame a horse' which doesn't make much sense. It's probably well past it's sell-by-date by now, but when has that ever stopped an internet meme?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sun 11 Nov 2007, 15:01, closed)

I'm actually quite surprised
at the number of b3ta kids with a propensity to fill plastic bags with buffet food.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Sun 11 Nov 2007, 15:07, closed)

Awww Swifty
I've just posted a story with an 'apologies for length' joke at the end.

Please don't say it's past it's sell-by-date. I feel a proper twat now,

*starts drinking*

Oh, and Cheeses...top first post.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Sun 11 Nov 2007, 18:13, closed)

Length
I was going through some old QOTWs while skiving off last week. I believe the first "apologies for length" I saw was in the third or fourth one they ever set. So it's kinda a toss-up as to whether it's past the sell-by date or has become one of our beloved local customs.
(tellum0 is spelled with an 'o', Mon 12 Nov 2007, 6:46, closed)