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Second Best Porcupine asks, “can we have another story about that lovable scamp Alan, please?” We all know an “Alan”. Tell us about that one mate who can't help but get in to trouble.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:54)
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My mate Alan wasn't a bad person, but he did get odd and strange ideas that he would put in to practice without regard to the consequences.
For example he was in a friends house and decided their very expensive Japanese kitchen knife set, that was a wedding present, needed improvement. So he put them in the gas fire. He ruined them, but was adamant they were better because they were now "tempered".
On another occasion he decided that drinking six raw eggs for breakfast every morning was good for his health. Despite a lengthy hospital stay it took three months before he gave up.
He had a belief that if the checkout total of his shopping was even one penny out he was entitled to all of his shopping for free. He would put about £200 worth of stuff in his trolley and carefully add up his own total. If the checkout total was different he'd get in to an argument that he never won. After losing the argument he would just walk out leaving the shopping behind. Eventually he got barred from most of the local supermarkets.
His one really big strange belief and the saddest one was his belief that he could cross the road anywhere he wanted (even dual carriageways) and cars were legally obliged to stop for him. We tried to argue with him that cars were indeed supposed to stop for pedestrians, but being required to stop was different from being able to stop. Two years ago I was reading the local paper and there was a a story about Alan, he had been killed crossing a dual carriageway.
( , Mon 6 Jul 2015, 17:22, 14 replies)
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Still, he's dead now, which will save the NHS a few bob.
Come to think if it, more people should die for the good of the economy.
( , Mon 6 Jul 2015, 22:30, closed)
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I work with a wide range of people with mental health struggles, and the vast majority were either abused as kids or ex-armed forces, police etc.
( , Tue 7 Jul 2015, 14:09, closed)
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or have you been at your client's loopy pills?
( , Tue 7 Jul 2015, 14:56, closed)
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There are a whole army of useless cunts that should be wiped out for their own good that hide behind the convenient filter of 'mental health issues'.
Me? I should just be wiped out anyway, regardless of mental stability.
( , Tue 7 Jul 2015, 19:37, closed)
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the second sarcastic.
The third was flippant.
I am one of the nicer ones here, though.
( , Wed 8 Jul 2015, 7:43, closed)
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( , Tue 7 Jul 2015, 17:16, closed)
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More likely just a fuckwit with some unshakeable misguided beliefs.
( , Wed 8 Jul 2015, 9:01, closed)
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When he wasn't coming up with his crazy ideas he was quite normal and he didn't stand out in any way.
But when he got one of his ideas nothing could stop him.
He decided that he wanted to breed budgies and canaries. He got it in to his head that it would make him a lot of money. So he built a massive aviary in his yard out of found materials, such as old chicken wire and stuff he found in skips. He then spent maybe £500+ on getting the birds. He should have spent the money on the aviary as they had all escaped within 24 hours of going in.
He also spent about another £500 buying old analog mobile phones just before that network was shut down believing they would become valuable collectors items one day.
( , Wed 8 Jul 2015, 14:24, closed)
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