Whassupp motherfuckers. Isn't this site dead YET?
TL:DR - Alan's a nonce..


My ex-mate Alan, who we shall call Ray because etc. skived, coasted and basically fiddled his way through life after leaving college. Don't think he ever had a proper job from 1991 to 2001, except for a YTS at a hi-fi store for a year after being booted out of college for hardly ever turning up. Went on an IT training course because he'd get an extra tenner in his dole. Found out if he got a work placement, he'd still get his extra tenner. Got a builder he knew to say he was working there, took 18 weeks off doing fuck all.
Anyway, in February 2001 he was arrested for having kiddie porn on his computer and also allegedly interfering with his 13yo brother in law. How we all laughed. Then in the September, he sold all his stuff, skipped bail and fled to France. With his pregnant wife and 3yo daughter. Did he succeed at this? No. Because rather than staying at cheap B&Bs and such, being smart and lying low, he booked them into a hotel in Cannes for two weeks. Ran out of cash, had to come home. Got put on remand, and eventually got 4 years. And that was pleading guilty. If you plead guilty, they knock a third off the sentence. So whatever the final indictment was, it carried a 6yr sentence.

In October 2013, the police knocked on my door and told me that he'd gotten a passport in my name, and his wife and daughter a passport in the names of another friend and her daughter. I've never had cause to apply for a passport, but if I do, I'm going to have to go to Durham with all the ID I can muster and tell them that I am who I say I am.

So Ray, you're a colossal cunt and hope you get bully raped by someone with horse AIDS, and then the hospital burns down.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 19:53, 15 replies)

You've never had a passport?

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 20:02, closed)

he's never been on a boat either. there's something really wrong with him

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 18:17, closed)

No passport?
Are you some kind of American?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 20:18, closed)

No, he's Bhutanese.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 20:29, closed)

Ha!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 9:43, closed)

I aren't paying £80 or whatever to not leave the country.

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 20:29, closed)

This. Must have gotten mine was I was 16, and can probably count on one hand the number of times I've used it.
Didn't bother renewing it when it expired, won't bother until I know I'm going to need it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 22:28, closed)

where do you go on holiday?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 14:53, closed)

but but but but but but but
there's a whole world out there
( rofl harris, Wed 8 Jul 2015, 12:24, closed)

what happens when you need to go abroad?

( rofl harris, Wed 8 Jul 2015, 12:28, closed)

what

( rofl harris, Wed 8 Jul 2015, 12:28, closed)

What hospital?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 21:57, closed)

the Aids hospice

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 22:05, closed)

horse piss more like

(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Mon 6 Jul 2015, 23:29, closed)