Chunky Mild Porn
Bert reminded me of something.

Drayton, lovely Drayton. Home of a rather nifty car show every May.

A couple of years ago, I turned up there to see my friend. They were all totally traumatised. Apparently they'd been to the zoo and had seen some of the monkeys indulging in somewhat exhibitionist behaviour. These particular ones were fisting each other...

Some, who had not seen this show, failed to believe it and went and had a look. All was well to begin with. A large male was sitting in the corner, apparently minding his own business when a very young monkey started bounding around the enclosure. Large monkey grabbed baby by the scruff of the neck, and plonked it on his lap where he just started rogering the poor thing.....

My mates were astonished - I believe some have pics but I really didn't need to see them!!!
(Beklet is inexplicably angry, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 11:57, 25 replies)

Monkey child rape
makes me cry salty tears.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 12:02, closed)

...
I went to the Monkey Forest ( www.monkey-forest.com ) just outside Stoke a couple of years ago. Nothing remotely interesting happened.


EDIT: It is quite fun, though.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 12:04, closed)

@Enzyme
Pffft.
It's the way you tell 'em.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 12:05, closed)

I think
I will take PJM and the evil
daring twin chicks to visit the monkeys and gorillas at Howletts Zoo at the weekend.

Not because I want any of them to get any ideas (heaven forbid!) but because monkeys make everyone laugh.

And I shall encourage the daring twin chicks to stare and grin at the big monkeys - just like Bert did at MonkeyWorld (which I'm sure is in Dorset not far from Wareham).

I shall regale you all with thrilling tales of their monkeyness next week when the QOTW will be

Mix Animals Attack with DIY!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 12:34, closed)

At Monkey World, I saw
a gorilla taking a piss, on top of a climbing frame, arms raised above his head and grinning like an idiot.

Comedy gold. Kind of.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 12:46, closed)

I broke a nail
at Go ape in Thetford Forest once, does that count?
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 12:48, closed)

@chickenlady
This is the Monkey Sanctuary I'm talking about, not the Wareham one.

I even had a hat with 'Monkey World' on it until a few years ago.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 13:00, closed)

@ Bert
This is where I meant. It's great but the chimps are mostly moody old buggers who have been rescued from circuses.

I think that's why they're moody. I'd be moody if someone took me away from the circus too.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:03, closed)

^^ Chickenlady
I'm sure we went there when I was a sprog - there was one monkey (or chimp, can't remember) who was loose, and went round checking everyone's head for edibles. It even looked into your ears. There was an old lady sitting beside us who laughed so hard her false teeth fell out. Aaaah the memories.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:11, closed)

ha yeah..Monkey Sanctuary
@ TheWeeWitch
Were you there when one of the apes pissed all over the bloke who was piggy-backing his sproglet. One of the funniest things I ever saw. The bloke didn't even realise till the kid started crying. How we laughed - well, I was only 12/13. hehehe. There was also a little show where a monkey would jump up at you to open a jar with a nut in (or something), bloody thing only leapt on my lap didn't it. Got a photo somewhere. Ah the memories...
( Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 14:50, closed)

^^
I think someone probably got pissed on every day at that place - some of the animals were pretty old. I do remember the monkey with the jar, though.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 15:05, closed)

Chester Zoo,
at the chimp enclosure, 3 times ive been - and all 3 times, ive seen an Chimp climb up on a rock, facing away so you can see his/her piles - then proceeds to finger thier bum, and eat the poo.

but then they look at you as to say 'what?' as if its the norm. then continues to pick and eat.

3 times ive been - 3times its happened...i woulddve liked some variation, some sex, some faeces thrown, wild tantrums... but now... bum picking.... Jeeze they must be really bored.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 15:57, closed)

Bert, you've got to stop going to Chester Zoo
It's distressing Dan.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:45, closed)

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*fingers bum*

*eats poo*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:48, closed)

Tone lowered
My work here is done.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:53, closed)

I don't quite no how to tell you this, chickenlady...
my feelings for you have been getting stronger over the last few days, and well, frankly I just don't know what to do.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is *removes floppy 'Hugh Grant' fringe from eyes*
I want to give you a mexican avalanche.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:05, closed)

?? Eh?
A mexican avalanche?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:12, closed)

Come in your hair
then throw you down the stairs.

I'm an old-fashioned romantic, me.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:13, closed)

Ah! So that's what it's called
PJM said it was called Mountain biking.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:19, closed)

PJM is a spaz
You deserve better!

*waggles eyebrows*

Apologies to PJM who is ashally a very nice bloke
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:20, closed)

Oh! Are they big black shaggy eyebrows?
Like the type that the baddy in old silent films always has...the baddy who ties the heroine to the railway tracks and laughs manically as the train comes around the corner.


*Fears*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:28, closed)

I am a monkey
I shave, pluck, wax and remove hair in every way possible, but I am a scary hairy all over :C
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:29, closed)

I used to be married to an Orangutang
Fact.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:30, closed)

A sexy Orangutan...?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:31, closed)

Well...
I used to think so.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:36, closed)