Creme de la chocolat!
My recent ex, was, seemingly deeply in love with me, saw a future with us together, all that stuff, until one day, without any warning, he decided that he didn't see a future together for us and quite casually dumped me. Not that I'd done anything wrong. So here's my revenge, the thing that really annoyed me...

Basically my ex really liked anal, but was never particularly 'clean' down there, which was never particularly pleasant. So one time he went into the bathroom for about half an hour to wash himself. Little did I know that he'd also tried and failed to douche himself properly. So we started out with him sat on top of me, it felt quite uncomfortable for him, so he pulled out... and shat smelly, lumpy, shitty water all over me. Why I didn't dump him then and there, I don't know.
(chunkymuscles, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 16:58, 21 replies)

Fucking hell
That's a bizarre story to break 7 years of not posting a single thing with.

What's account do you normally use that you are too ashamed to have this attached to?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:21, closed)

Hahaha brilliant reply scarpe.
Now no-one will suspect a thing!
(TheColonel, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:29, closed)

hahahahahah.
Nice try, Colonel Chunky Muscles...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:34, closed)

Stephen Fry,
an expert homosexualist, argues that anal sex is absolutely not the point. There are more acts of hot bum sex taking place 'twixt heterosexuals than gays - The numbers make it so, he says. He omits to mention of course that the *prevalence* is much higher in the gay community.
That said, I know gays who hate it. Me? I'm straight and I love it. As long as I'm the one dishing it out. It's been a while though. Ten years plus, I fear. Such is married life...
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:48, closed)

Not for me
I know the festering bum-steam she leaves in the toilet. There's no way I am putting my cock anywhere near whatever it is that produces such a stench
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:52, closed)

MIASMA.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:54, closed)

Why are you telling me?
It's somewhere further down the list that question was asked.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 19:30, closed)

'Darth Foxtrot'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:35, closed)

Please forgive my crass, heterosexual, stereotypical views.
I thought most gay men liked anal, isn't that "the point", as it were?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:34, closed)

I was under the impression that blow jobs were the order of the day.
The point of being a homosexual is that you are attracted to men, not that you like a cock in your arse (anal sex isn't restricted to gays, is it?).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 22:13, closed)

I was being a little facetious.
It did seem weird to me that a homosexual man thought that it needed tl be pointed out that his lover liked anal sex. I would actually react the same if a girl posted that her bloke liked blowjobs. Such is my biggoted programming, I suppose.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 23:33, closed)

An admirable tale!
Come on, B3tans. More like this please.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:34, closed)

You just cannot get enough of the musk, can you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:35, closed)

Monty, you terrible vagina!

(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:41, closed)

How the devil are you?
You should get back on Off Topic more often. Your ebullience is needed there.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:45, closed)

I've not been well.
All sorts of sad and sorry ailments bedevil me. And work life balance is all over the place. But you are right. The forum is fun. I shall make an effort next week!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:50, closed)

Please do, old boy. Please do.
Sorry to hear of your woes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 17:53, closed)

hahahahahaha

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 18:28, closed)

He pulled his penis out of your anus,
then he shat all over you?

Either that makes no sense, or I don't really understand how anal sex is supposed to work. Or you don't, I suppose.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:02, closed)

I think
that he liked receiving, rather than the giving.
( Doomladen ms paint lover, Sat 6 Aug 2011, 0:17, closed)

Whose revenge?
He shat on you ... in what way was that your revenge?
(ubergeekian, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 21:20, closed)