the neighbours
My neighbours weren't actually from hell, but there was something about them I didn't like. They were nosey gets whenever I went in my garden, even if just to hang the washing out. They listened to music quite late, shouted at their kids a lot, well bellowed anyway (had they never seen Dr Tanya Byron?), the shouting would start their dog off which would then get shouted at.

The man of the house, we shall call Gary, would go out of an evening, and not get in until about 1am, when he demonstrated that he had no concept of taking a key with him as he used to hammer on the door until his wife got up and let him in. I got a card through the door once saying that I wasn't in and my parcel had been left with a neighbour. I went round and was given the parcel, which had clearly been tampered with as one of them had been curious about what I'd received.

Nothing seriously anti-social, just a nuisance.

They had a daughter, Amy who used to treat my daughter as a fair-weather friend. If none of Amy's other friends weren't available, she would come knocking. My daughter twigged and would say no only to get a bit of verbal off Amy if she didn't play out with her. One day, my daughter had been invited over as it was Amy's birthday. My daughter came home early because she was bored and Amy and her friends weren't talking to her. My daughter had left her jacket there so I said I'd go get it. Then I had an idea.

I dug out an old typewriter, fed a piece of paper in and halfway down and in the middle typed two words. I folded the paper up, stuffed it in an anonymous Xmas card envelope and went round. I fed it quietly through their letterbox and knocked on the door. Gary came to the door and behind the glass I saw him bend down and pick up the envelope and then open the door.

"She left her jacket, it's the blue one" I said.
Gary shouted through, "Bring next door's jacket, it's the blue one." He then opened the envelope and read what I'd put, under his breath but audible all the same. Two words.

"They know"

He stuffed it in his back pocket, I was given the jacket and he shut the door.

I heard a heated conversation, but in low voices between him and his wife. Amy's friends were sent home and I saw Gary carry something into the garden so I ran upstairs and peeked out of the bedroom window to see what was going on.

He had a laptop, and was smashing it open with a big hammer. He then went back in the house and came out a few moments later with a power-drill and drilled several large holes in the hard drive.
He went back in and came out with two more drives and drilled holes in them. Then he got a metal dustbin out from behind his shed, filled it with grass-clippings that had been going brown at the side of the garden followed by a liberal amount of lighter fluid and a match. He went back in the house.

He came back out with a load of paper and some CDs and the lot went in the dustbin, followed by the hard-drives and the remains of the laptop. He went back inside again and slammed the door. I heard a lot of shouting for about 30 minutes which died down.

Two days later, there was a lot of commotion again and I saw Gary and his wife loading boxes and furniture into a removal lorry. This drove off, Gary locked up his house and he and his family got in his beat up old Mondeo and drove off.

I never saw them again.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 11:49, 5 replies)

What did you put
on the message?!!!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 12:42, closed)

"They know"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 12:57, closed)

Ahhh
I read it as "They Know" in that the "authorities knew about what was written on the letter. Need more sleep/coffee
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 12:59, closed)

That
Is fantastic.

BUT

it's whet my appetite - I NEED to know what was on that laptop and those hard drives!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 12:57, closed)

I see through yopur cleverly changed names...
Gary and Amy - yeah right, it was Gerry and Madeleine, and the missus was Kate.
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 13:15, closed)

What interests me
is the fact that his entire family left with him, thus suggesting some kind of Fred and Rose West arrangement.
( .Yeti., Mon 18 Jan 2010, 13:17, closed)

My theory is
that it wasn't the authorities that he thought 'knew' what he was up to.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 13:54, closed)

But surely that makes even less sense...
If he thought it was his family that knew, why take them with him?

In mitigation I've just been on a massive piss-up to Dublin and it's Monday, so my brain probably has the computing power of sauerkraut round about now.
( .Yeti., Mon 18 Jan 2010, 16:51, closed)

Not his family
maybe some other third party, maybe of ne'erdowells
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 19:59, closed)

I really like this one.
Just shows you how dodgy some people really are.
(terminal24, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 8:39, closed)