More a musing than a disaster, or maybe a sociological disaster
Several people have said so far this week that this QOTW is reserved for the gents, as apparently the word 'wanking' refers only to the male version. From a purely linguistic perspective I call bollocks, but it's made me think. Why is it a word that women never seem to use? There are plenty of slang synonyms for both the male and female versions (comic book artist Roberta Gregory once compiled a list of 159 terms for female wanking) but for some reason men have appropriated the generic wank in popular culture and have been allowed to do so.

On the one hand, I can understand women being reluctant to talk about wanking, because any admission by a woman of actually having had a wank is like a quick-launch button for the PanderTron, but how many genuinely have no stories to tell? I've been out with two women who never masturbated, ever. One of them was never able to explain why; the other said that she'd tried, didn't really feel anything, and sort of gave up. This was the same woman who could watch a porno when she was on her own and it would have no effect on her at all, yet put her in front of the same porno with me sitting next to her and she'd have ripped my kit off by the end of the opening credits. I tried to convince both of them that they were missing out, to no avail; there's just something deeply alien to my male psyche about the whole thing.

WOMEN
Y U NO MASTURBATE?

Maybe we need CHCB to motivate the troops* again.







*Not intended as a euphemism, although it does make them stand to attention.
( .Yeti., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:13, 22 replies)

There are no women on the internet.
Only truckers called Dave.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:31, closed)

This is true.
Wotcha, Dave.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 15:38, closed)

The internet
Where men pretend to be 16-year-old girls and 16-year-old girls pretend to be cats, cartoon characters and who knows what else.
( .Yeti., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:23, closed)

Men.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:26, closed)

Is that you, Dave?

( .Yeti., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:43, closed)

You're my Dave now...

( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:49, closed)

Alright?
a/s/l?

Me = 48/M/wherever my truck takes me.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:04, closed)

16/f/soham

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:11, closed)

PHWOAR.
See you by the school gates tomorrow, wear red.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 20:36, closed)

I say lady wank
I don't believe ANYONE who says they don't masturbate
(Nanny Pat vote for me, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:05, closed)

I didn't believe them at first either.
I then lived with one of them for four years, so either she had the world's greatest powers of secrecy or she just didn't do it.

The term 'lady wank' is sexeh.
( .Yeti., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:31, closed)

I think you'll find...
most of us do. I think you'll also find that most people (of any gender) who say they don't are telling porky pies.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:25, closed)

we're just better at hiding it

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:39, closed)

Damn straight.
I've been in long car journeys with girls I didn't realise were giving themselves boredom relief. I've been told stories of the filthy little wenches doing it at school, in class, hands primly in lap, one pinky finger fluttering away under the desk...scuse me a minute...
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 21:19, closed)

why do you think skirts were invented?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 0:02, closed)

Ah yes
I once saw this very thing happen. Unfortunately the "lady" in question was not the most attractive. However, it's just one of those things you can't help but watch, especially when you have an English Literature teacher droning on about the joys of Macbeth in a monotone.

I wasn't the only person to notice either, I think at least 1/4 of the class witnessed this girl's stress-relief.
*cringe* mind bleach anyone?
(thick black arse hair, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 23:48, closed)

Of course we do
Personally, not that often, not because I don't get the urges but because by the time I do it's bedtime and I'm exhausted and sleep is a much much more attractive option. Also I only see my bf every 2 weeks (long distance) and I think in between my libido just decides it's not needed and packs itself neatly away only to jump out, ravenous, next time I see him. Maybe that's it? Maybe we're just more efficient?
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 19:31, closed)

it's multi-tasking
when men get horny, all we want to do is attend to the matter as soon as possible. Women, however, can carry on washing up/doing brain surgery until there's a more suitable moment
(spiggytopes, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 22:30, closed)

" off for a fiddle"
I excuse myself for one, every saturday night during match of the day. I call it my " me " time. Hubbie calls it " most unfair". Have also beat one out in the toilets at work when i was really bored. But now i read B3ta instead.
Porn also works on us but we all deny that... well i don't but i'm apparently bloke-ish.
(a girl called harry, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 12:22, closed)

I'm not going to argue with you.
I've seen your profile pic and value all my limbs.
( .Yeti., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 15:17, closed)

We totally do, it's just not as big a deal for us.
I used to do it all the time when I was with my sexually repressed/messed up ex because that was the only way to get an orgasm. Now that I'm with a guy who actually tries to please me, I maybe only do it once a month or so. Even then it always feels like a let-down when I know I could have a better orgasm (or 12) via my boyfriend.

Basically, it's instantly gratifying but also depressing... like eating cheap fast food because you're too poor for a real meal. As soon as you're done, all you can think about is how you messed up your body* and how you wish you could've had what you really craved.

*(repeated masturbation won't make you blind or stupid stuff like that, but it can make you less sensitive, especially if you use a vibrator)
(Audienda, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:12, closed)

You just summed up the difference.
It appears to me that women think of wanking as some sort of substitution for sex, when for me at least- and I assume most men- the two are mutually exclusive. If you want sex only sex will do, but also if you want a wank then you want a wank, sex would be a very poor substitute. Or as I once said,'Sex is ok, but you can't beat the real thing.'
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 11:34, closed)