I've started so I'll finish
I'm the sort of guy who needs a decent audio / visual stimulous in order to successfully exchange contracts with Mr Winkle. Nor am I willing to stop once I've developed a semi - this is my point of no return.

As a result I have spent more than a few awkward evenings in my bedroom, flicking through our useless terrestrial TV channels in the vain hope of finding a lady to inspire my signing on the dotted line of said contract.

I have literally spent hours painfully maintaining a vague erection in the hope that the next programme would have a pretty lady, heck - any lady - to help in my "negotiations". I'll be damned if I'm going to waste a semi, I'll be there all night if I have to!

Over the years I have relied on late-night weather girls and those ladies who do the sign-language for crap like Countryfile.

Help me.
(Mean Mad Mutski, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:27, 13 replies)

Click
for the simple fact that i did an office lol when reading the line "Nor am I willing to stop once I've developed a semi - this is my point of no return"
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:29, closed)

Is it just me?
Seems a waste otherwise?
(Mean Mad Mutski, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:33, closed)

it depends how often they come along..
I'd spend even more than usual 5 hours massaging them away if i attended to each and every one, as it came along.
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:37, closed)

Google is your friend, here

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:35, closed)

You have my sympathy
Although some of those sign language ladies are alright-ish, in a MILF (GILF?) sort of way?

*shuffles away quietly*
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 19:13, closed)

Let google introduce you
to the lovely ladies of the internet.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 19:52, closed)

That's why
you need a cheap freeview box and access to those shitty dial-a-wank channels where the girls get their jubblies out once in a while. Works wonders!
(TMAce needs to enter another image challenge sometime, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 21:07, closed)

you need a laptop

( ClanSoul, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 21:38, closed)

laptop girlfriend
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 24 Feb 2011, 9:21, closed)

I should perhaps add
....that this relates to circumstances when laptops, internet and freeview channels are all unavailable - for one reason or another. Essentially a wank in an empty room with nowt but 5 channels of terrestrial crap to inspire.

On a related note I do know a person, in his 30's, who has only just realised that there is pron on the internet. I kid you not.
(Mean Mad Mutski, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 9:32, closed)

even in his 30s,
I'd still imagine that he's about to wank his cock off
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 10:21, closed)

I'm actually jealous
He has so much to discover.....
(Mean Mad Mutski, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 11:11, closed)

Weather girls....
...always help me out in times like those.
( Evil Bastardo, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 14:15, closed)