Cancer of the colon
One of my friends - let’s call him Barry, is a funny bloke, not bad looking, but really shy around girls and was single for a long time. He got a new girlfriend and things progressed to spending quite a lot of time at each others’ place.

One night, Barry and his new girlfriend were lying in bed together, about to turn out the light. Barry plucked up all his courage and told her the thing he’d being thinking all day.

“I… I think I love you”

She looked at him. He swallowed nervously; had he messed everything up?

“I think I love you too” she replied. Barry’s heart leapt! Hooray! He hadn’t frightened her off! Turning over to turn out the light, he plucked up just a tiny bit more courage and said “Actually, I don’t think: I do”

She went quiet and they lay awkwardly in the darkness. Barry’s mind raced; had he ruined everything after all? Come on too strong?

The following morning was a little strained, then that evening after work he plucked up yet more courage and asked her the question he was dreading: “What happened last night? I told you that I love you and you went all quiet”

Whereupon his girlfriend flew into his arms, showered him with kisses and explained that what she’d heard was subtly but importantly different to what he’d meant:

“I think I love you”
“I think I love you too”
“Actually, I don’t think I do”


:D

 

 

No apologies for length – it just looks longer coz of the line breaks – and I’m not apologising for them either. You love it
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 13:50, 20 replies)

Awwwww ... !
Fluffy wins!

Alright Prof - I understand I said I was one of Joe Scaramanga's friends on Farcebook - and that is apparently untrue, as he has no account. I shall spaz you my details.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 13:55, closed)

Oi oi saveloy
You did indeed. I took it in the way I'm sure it was meant: a shameless attempt to get away from me :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:12, closed)

You should, however, taken it as my being naturally badly-informed, and pissed out of my face.
I was sure he's got an acount - when he told me about the text he got from you I was genuinely surprised.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:16, closed)

Hahaha :D

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:16, closed)

First tale I read
and it's a winner, no more necessary.
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:08, closed)

This made my day :)

(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:10, closed)

Brilliant!
*click*
Another instance of crucial pause omission:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWFypHb48k
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:11, closed)

A rare treat this week.
Thank you Prof, I read and duly clicked.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:16, closed)

A rare treat?
There's been a few really good stories, I thought.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:18, closed)

I must have missed most of them

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:22, closed)

I offer this as an example:
www.b3ta.com/questions/bedroomdisasters/post1253842
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:35, closed)

Haha, that gets a click from me :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:37, closed)

I hadn't got that far...
...all right Enzyme, that's earned a click from me too.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:43, closed)

Ah, get out of here you!
*blushes*
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 15:01, closed)

Oh, lovely.
*click*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:18, closed)

Win.

(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 14:37, closed)

winnery winner wins
click
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 15:43, closed)

Awwww indeed
All it needs is a kitteh in a teacup to make it perfect.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 17:09, closed)

Clicketh I!
Your friend should try dating someone for whom English is a second language* -- the slightest colloquialism or lazy omission can result in an argument.
[*Used as a figure of speech, I'm not suggesting he actually ought to.]
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 18:05, closed)

Top work there by Barry!

( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 19:30, closed)