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This is a question Bedroom Disasters

Big Girl's Blouse asks: Drug fuelled orgies ending in a pile of vomit? Accidental spillage of Chocolate Pudding looking like a dirty protest? Someone walking in on you doing something that isn't what it looks like?... Tell us about your Bedroom Disasters

(, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:14)
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The Pink Ages
First Post. After graduating University I still lived with my parents, who owing to financial circumstances I was no doubt contributing to - decided to move houses. I had never seen the place before the day I arrived and found the whole process a mix of excitement and heartbreak. Oh, and utter horror. You see... I was moving into a room that was very clearly previously occupied by a little girl and what followed remains the most emasculating night of my life. Worse than any drunken/medicated sexual failing I've experienced and as such I consider this to be a bedroom disaster.

The creme carpet, cratered by the legs of tiny dressers was in a peculiar way, haunting though it was the walls that were a masterpiece (or so I thought) that could only have been designed by a mind twisted by barbie dolls and ponies, for they weren't only painted a dark pink, but the must have been mixed with a golden glitter through some unheard of alchemical process before being rolled onto every possible surface. A detail that only became obvious in the pale moonlight, granting the rooms occupant with the feeling of resting within the moist mouth of a giant animal.

Something else that appeared in the absence of light was an entire universe of glow in the dark stars spanning the entire ceiling. Initially, I marvelled at the sight, briefly losing myself in the awesome infinity of the cosmos. My complaints about this room were silly, insignificant and was of no real pro... Wait a minute, I thought to myself as I re-focused my vision. They're glow in the dark hearts. An entire galaxy of glow in the dark hearts. Pulling the duvet over my head, allowing only my mouth to poke out of a hole I had left so I could breathe, I cried slightly and fell asleep. It would be over a year before I painted the walls, though I destroyed the heart galaxy over the next few days, at one point ensuring a giant glow in the dark cock shape adorned my ceiling.

During what I refer to as 'The Pink Ages' I also distinctly recall having a lady friend over for some fun, stripping her of her outer layers to reveal Disney themed underwear. The frenzy that this elicited evoked a small amount of personal concern afterwards.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 10:52, 24 replies)
Good first post.
Pull up a kitten blah blah.

Bloody glow in the dark stars are a blemish on the anus of humanity, what sick twisted mind thought them up.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 10:58, closed)
Disney underwear?
You took a child to bed?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:02, closed)
There are women that actually wear dodgy knickers like that AB
Unfortunately your knowledge of the female body in general is distinctly lacking. *

*Wicca'd Witch doesn't count.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:05, closed)
They were of the Little Mermaid variety
Absolutely, her innocence was a playful illusion. I realised pretty quickly that I was the naive and inexperienced participant of that encounter.

We're still friends and occasionally share stories so can't elucidate, though I'm afraid our casual sexy times are a thing of the past as she has rightly met a chap she wants to settle down with.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:20, closed)
Hope you fucked her in the tail part.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:24, closed)
My ex had a full set of knickers, labelled Monday to Sunday.
I always felt uncomfortable if she had the wrong corresponding ones on.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:43, closed)
That is just wrong Pookie.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:47, closed)
Me or her?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:50, closed)
Your OCD is normal for a B3tan.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 11:52, closed)
My perversion gland needs fixing.
When presented with the blank canvas conjured up by being told about your exes underwear... Why was the first thing I wondered if she had socks labelled with each day of the week too? Why!?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:07, closed)
Foot Fetish mate.
Quite common.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:24, closed)
I like mixing my Bonds Day of the Week socks up for a little bit of mindfuck fun.
Left foot is in Saturday, but right foot is way back in Wednesday.
My Reg Grundys are just plain manky. All of them.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:27, closed)
My scientific calculations estimate
That your Reg Grundys are somewhere around midnight Thursday and 1am Friday...
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:53, closed)
@ that stage I'm lucky to be clothed
let alone compos mentis. If I've still got my grundies on then the night hasn't gone well...
But yes - slap[dash] bang in the middle. Manky as always.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 13:09, closed)
Hello upset blue name person.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:28, closed)
Hello Twiglet legs... x

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:39, closed)

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 13:01, closed)
Is Disney underwear any better than C&A?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 13:07, closed)
I think it depends
...On what kind of musical flourish/flashing mental imagery they provoke. If for you, C&A underwear prompts a steel drum melody and the image of a singing crab then I'd say they're about equal.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 14:11, closed)
Not really
C&A underwear is for people who aren't sure which way they should put them on.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:09, closed)
TIL what C&A Knickers are.
I suspect that their flourish might be the sad trombone.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:51, closed)
I had to read that about 10 times
before I understood it
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:54, closed)
good post
I have just one gripe: "cock shape adjourned my ceiling"

unless the cock dismissed your ceiling for a break then I suspect you mean adorned.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:01, closed)
You terrible grammar bully!
If we're playing that game then it should be "owing to" rather than "due to" and his use of commas, dashes and ellipsis is horribly slapdash.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:05, closed)
Corrected as suggested.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:17, closed)
slapdash is a great term
and I shall be making use of it
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:19, closed)
*slaps arse*
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 12:35, closed)
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 17:20, closed)
didn't realise you got there first...
(, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 1:17, closed)
Well if you're playing that game
You should have said 'ellipses', unless of course you were referring to only one of the ellipsis in the post... then again, I can talk... I find it difficult to write only one ellipsis in anything... ellipses are much better. ...
(, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 1:16, closed)
So many nonces,
this week.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 20:25, closed)
Nonce Sense
Surely if the story involved a child wearing Disney underwear, nothing would have been out of the ordinary and so I wouldn't have commented. It would have just been a regular "So, I screwed this child..." story.
(, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 9:53, closed)

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