Trains don't kill people....
You all know the whole" sorry, service has been delayed due to a person under the train" bollocks. Well, I was on that train once. And I would seriously advise anyone suicidal not to attempt it.

We all had to walk back along the platform. It was an open air one, so there was only the one exit, and I was at the front, meaning I had to walk the length of the platform.

About halfway along, I hear screaming. Horrible, blood curdling screaming. And you know what that what you are about to be confronted with is not going to be pleasant.

There was a man trying to crawl out between the carriages. Covered in blood. Only there was a slight problem with this plan. Under the train, his legs were much further away from him than the average person. This screaming, terrified bloke was covered in blood, pissing out everywhere, and trying to drag his torso out onto the platform with his arms.

You know the gap under the train at platforms? There's a reason for that. It's to try and ensure that if you jump in front of a train, you will fall into the gap and probably not die. The problem with this is that if you miss, your legs get sheared off by a train, and the suicidal rest of you gets to continue living.

So yeah. Sorry for unfunnies.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:01, 16 replies)

The image of that scene is now in my head...
...and it will take more than Horlicks to forget. Thks.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:04, closed)

Jesus H. Corbett!
That was terrible. As in, a terrible image has just been painted in my mind.

I consider myself lucky that I have never seen anything even nearly that horrible!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:13, closed)

fuck
that.

Still, he won't do that again will he?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:25, closed)

How awful
I can't think of anything worse... Both for the maimed jumper and the unfortunate folk having to see the result of his botched suicide.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:32, closed)

I bet...
... the inconsiderate bastard is living it up on disability benefits now!!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:49, closed)

What is it with trains
there's always some legless bloke causing trouble
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:49, closed)

Sorry to startle you - that was me and it was an accident not suicide.

Anyway my legs have been reattached and I'm fine now.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 15:55, closed)

TDW
Somewhat shorter I shoud imagine. Trains do not a clean slice make.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 16:08, closed)

did he have decent trainers on?
you could have had them


just saying
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 16:25, closed)

Part of me thinks that is a horrible thing
But the rest of me is laughing my ass off - I can't help it, but that image of a torso crawling out from under a train makes me think of zombie movies where the zombie is cut in half but continues to slowly drag itself on.
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Mon 11 Aug 2008, 17:07, closed)

Yum
That was a pleasant image.

I'm with the above comment though, I'm ashamed to admit I found the story slightly funny too...

It does really piss me off when people decide to throw themselves in front of trains though, why ruin or disturb so many lives just to end yours?
(posage As I turned the corner I felt muscular and compact, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 19:56, closed)

this happened to my cousin.
almost.
he didn't jump, he was pushed. fortunately, the train was stopping, but it still shattered both of his legs and broke his back. he spent 8 months in a bio bed (jelly-type mattress) in the hospital and, even 15 years later, he still needs a stick to get around.
he was very lucky, it could have been so much worse.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 20:00, closed)

This takes me back
To when I was a student in the early 80's working behind a bar for extra cash.

One of the regulars was a lovely old fella called Arthur, in his early 60's, an Inter city train driver with a blemish free record.

About 18 months before he was due to retire he had his first and only "major incident". A teenage girl had decided it was all to much and stepped out in front of his train on a high speed part of the line.

Even though there was nothing on earth he could have done, he was a totally broken man and after that day never went back to work.

For the next 3 years I worked at the pub, I watched him drink himself slowly to death.

I'm sure the poor girl had her problems, but I just wish she could have taken a bottle of pills or something and not taken down a lovely blameless old feller and his family with her.

Heres to you Arthur, cheers and gods bless.
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 21:39, closed)

*click*
But I'm not sure "I like this" is strictly accurate.
Think it's out of sympathy both for that poor fucker and the people that had to see it.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 23:14, closed)

Oh god....
That's wrong on every level..... I feel sorry for everyone involved realy. Though I guess people kill themselves that way because there is very little chance of someone rescuing them or them "chickening out" halfway through. What a thing to have to go through though.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 1:58, closed)

Spreading the bad Karma..
Fortunately I've yet to witness anything so 'orrible - most suicides are on bridges and high speed tracks, incidents at stations are more often accidents *shudders* London pushy platform overcrowding + watching "Suicide Circle" doth not a happy commuter make :S

^Useless fact recalled from job filing stuff on train repairs - there was on average 1 "jumper" a week with gruesome detail breakdown on "cleaning" and "damage"..


To anybody contemplating going out with a bang, please consider a less selfishly dramatic gesture and generally mass-misery-spreading way to expire.

Not only do you traumatise any unfortunates witnessing your showy demise, but also the poor sod forced to mince you due to inedequate braking distance, the crews bagging up bits of you up off the track, and the cleaners who get to clean bits of brain out of the undercarriage, usually for low wages.
Also min wage slaves upon whom the report of your stunt provokes tremours of regurgitative lunch, and spasms of wracking despair at having to queue with 100s for ages for replacement buses, because another one of you, has bloody gone and done the smae thing, in virtually the same place. Again.
(Hikikomori** watching cartoons on, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 21:40, closed)