Evil Cult Toture Manual
The last live-in girlfriend, had had a turnover of flats and flatmates that soon became very explainable. I had to give her her marching orders before I broke. This is one of the lesser random behaviours

It began when things started moving around and I just thought it was overwork and I was becoming forgetful. Then wholesale reorganisation on impractical grounds of most bits of my house. It was a bloody obsession and it made no sense whatsoever.

Where`s the cutlery? BOTTOM DRAWER? WTF?

Not being a nasty person she left a load of stuff which is bagged and lofted, and still awaiting collection. Every so often something else of hers turns up in a bizarre place.

Months after she moved out and the poultergeist had stopped operations, I was having a spring clean and found this:

The practical encyclopedia of Feng-Shui by Gill Hale.

Ban this!
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 7:45, 21 replies)

Before someone has a go, I ain`t perfect, there was a medical reason behind it
Early onset menopause, I thought she was going mad or having a breakdown, no just hormones turned up at 11 at random. The flak jacket and tin hat wasn`t enough. An old mate from work first said it, his wife got so bad they split, then my cousin`s missus ( nurse) met her, a trip to the doc and some hrt might have saved it, but reason wasn`t at home and I was in more shit for daring to suggest it.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 8:39, closed)

Your ex was 11? NONCE!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 8:43, closed)

adds missing " turned up" to "at 11"

(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:12, closed)

Turned on by an 11 year old?
*adjusts specs*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:29, closed)

Randomly re-arranging things into new places that seem illogical and impractical?
In my experience, that's just called being female.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:14, closed)

Feng Shui - Chinese for 'Tidy up a bit'
I have a problem with Feng Shui. it might work in China where town planners and architects take it as serously as we take something like disabled acess to buildings.
But what if your front door faces the death corner? No amount of indoor waterfalls or porcelian frogs is going to solve that is it?
And seeing leaflets in shops where a Feng Shui 'expert' will charge you upwards of £150 quid for a 'consultation' WTF!
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:22, closed)

^
I had one ex who flat-out denied ever moving any of my stuff, yet when we moved out I found a big plastic crate in the cupboard under the stairs filled with all the things she'd taken off my desk because they "looked untidy". Like, for example, three phone chargers. For the phone I was using. Which I could never find a charger for.

It's probably just as well we broke up, I would have been an absolute gibbering mess otherwise.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:46, closed)

^ to this,
the "looked untidy" when i`m doing my tax return in my box room office, this is not shared space, this where I keep the biz ticking over, it is bloody obvious what I`m doing. I`ve got too much work to sort out the dogs dinner you made of my files and get it in on time now, hello £100 penalty fine.

It is the denial over that and the rest of the behaviours that was impossible to cope with. " Yes I did, I`m sorry", would at least have been a start, not "No it must have been you". If there is no ownership of actions, there can be no discussion, no start of forgiveness and no healing.
If you screw up a promise than you admit it, and knowing you messed up you are not happy with yourself so the wronged one doesn`t have to pile it on in addition (some do though)

If someone is obsessive and everything has to have a place at least it is usually consistent and you can find things.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 11:41, closed)

My girlfriend keeps putting my slippers DOWNSTAIRS
with the fucking SHOES.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:01, closed)

^ slippers ^

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:13, closed)

Shit. I, er, I meant steel toe-capped slippers.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:50, closed)

And a bullet proof slanket.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 11:12, closed)

Put your shoes beside your bed
and stomp a week's worth of city grime into the bedroom carpet. Should help that whole purpose of slippers/shoes distinction really hit home.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:46, closed)

And don't even mention putting the remote controls NEXT TO THE TV!
* grind, grind *
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 11:22, closed)

I'm a woman and my fella constantly moves my stuff and "tidies up" in this way
I have had to learn to live with this, or I'd go mad. e.g. I drape a zip-up top over the bannister rail, so that I can grab it on my way out to rush for a train, then when I go to get it, it's gone. Cue frantic searching before I discover it neatly-folded in my wardrobe.

Just clarifying that this isn't just a female thing.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 11:36, closed)

^ BEARD ^

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 11:39, closed)

No, it's true, honest
He says it's because he's an engineer
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 11:46, closed)

Sorry. I meant that you've married a gay man who is using you to disguise the fact that he's a gay man.
married partnered
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 12:00, closed)

I'm not short-sighted enough to try and get married; once was bad enough

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 12:03, closed)

The gayest of *ALL* of the gay men, I would posit.

( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 12:05, closed)

Use of the word "random"
really ruffles my chi.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:57, closed)