I ONCE SAW SOME BREASTS
I SAW THEM WHILST I WAS HAVING FULL-SEX WITH A GIRL.

Here's the story.

I was walking home briskly from school so I could get home in time to watch Newsround and paint my new Eldar Battlewraith when a car pulled up beside me. It was the biggest bully from school, Scott.

Scott did a fart out of the window and it made me drop my refresher bar on the floor and it got some grit on it otherwise I would have eaten it.

I was swollen and blistered with rage. I tried to chase them but they were too quick, even though I shouted KAME-HAME_HA as loud as I could and bunched my keys in my fist like a wolverine claw.

All was not lost, my best mate who was much older and really cool lived round the corner, I knocked on his door and explained my story.

We agreed that if we drove his Honda through the docks we could head off the bullies. We eventually cornered them and Billy (my mate) swerved the car in a doughnut in front of them like in GTA and we both jumped out.

Scottt was so scared that he abandoned his car and tried to run but I punched him with my Cestus of Jurassic Park keyrings and he was down.
His face smacked against Billy's car bonnet leaving the prefect imprint of ACCORD on his forehead and he evacuated his bowel with fear.

All 15 of the other bullies in the car scampered apart from one! It was Julie, the fittest girl in our school and the first one to have proper boobies.

Needless to say I got the last laugh as She came home with me to watch my VHS recording of Beverly Hills Cop IV but really she took her top off and put her hand in my trousers until my willy was sick and it made a stain that I showed everyone at school as EVIDENCE.

Cheers.
( WormuIus, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:56, 14 replies)

Well done.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:59, closed)

I think that
Donkey Gums was better, but have a click anyway.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:59, closed)

The imprint would actually read 'DROCCA'
Just saying, like.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:04, closed)

YOU WEREN'T THERE YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT HAPPENED
I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, STOP CALLING ME A LIAR.
( WormuIus, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:07, closed)

This^
response made me laugh more than the original post. I have clicked because your joke writing style reminds of the, ulitmate ninja page, if you haven't read this then the hate mail page is hilarious, they take this kid so seriously they threaten him with death and all sorts!

Here is a sample -

Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.



www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:03, closed)

I LIKE THIS, AND I'M JMG.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:05, closed)

Whoopy fucking do.
Should we prostrate ourselves now or later?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 6 May 2010, 15:11, closed)

...
I'd do it now - this guy beats up Mr T regularly.
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 6 May 2010, 19:38, closed)

And he doesn't even need a Honda.

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:09, closed)

Heh
B3ta is the reason that I can never take anyone seriously when they talk about possibly getting a honda accord.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:06, closed)

Worryingly, this is a very very similar story to one a mate told me in school about 15yrs back
Except he crashed his car in to the Mersey in Stockport and broke both his legs. But they healed in time for school the next day. What a fucking weapon.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:14, closed)

I call bullshit!!!
You lying bastard!! Stop making this shit up!! I've told you before, Julie was sucking me off in my attic that night!!!!!!
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Thu 6 May 2010, 20:00, closed)

I'd like to say I missed you
but I'd be lying.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 May 2010, 11:08, closed)

B O O H O O

( WormuIus, Fri 7 May 2010, 13:54, closed)