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This is a question Brits Abroad

Union jack shorts, bulldog t-shirts, bars named after soap operas, hen parties in Malaga. Tell us about your encounters with the worst (or best) of our fair country's travelers around the world. Alternatively, tell us about your own doomed quest to find a decent cup of tea in Moscow.

(, Thu 24 Apr 2014, 13:01)
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A conversation I once overheard
consisted of one bloke telling an acquaintance about a holiday he'd just had in - oh, wherever it was. Let's say it was Sharm el-Sheikh, for the sake of the argument. He was talking about how good the resort had been, and how the staff were great, and the pool was nice. "We didn't have to leave the hotel once for the whole two weeks. It was that good."

He then said that he was thinking of going to Mexico for his next holiday, if he could find somewhere equally good.

Moral of the story: no matter how bad the Brits you meet abroad, you can assure yourself that there're worse ones that you never have to meet, because they've corralled themselves behind a wall a safe distance away from you with a supply of cheap lager and three-day-old copies of The Sun. The exception to this rule is that you might meet them if you're also one of those Brits who thinks that flying to a different continent in order not to have to see anything of your chosen destination is a good use of your time. But in that case, you deserve each other.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:02, 40 replies)
Your story is 'I overhead someone talking about his holiday'?

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:22, closed)
It is indeed.
But it's also a story about an encounter with the worst of our fair country's travellers, as per the question. So ner.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:25, closed)
An 'encounter'?

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:34, closed)
Pillow talk is a valid source of stories.

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:47, closed)
You have a talking pillow?
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:27, closed)
It told me to kill them.
There was so much blood.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:44, closed)
An all-too-close encounter.
I'm surprised that noone picked up on Scaryduck's phrasing before, tbh.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:27, closed)
we went to madeira once. it was a self-catering villa with its own pool, but sitting in a resort that had a shop, restaurant, bar, family pools etc
and someone had written in the guestbook for our villa:

"amazing on-site restaurant. we ate there every night for 2 weeks!"

w.t.f. why would you go somewhere and eat in the same place every single night? even on an all-inclusive, you'd go out somewhere else for a change! there were lovely local bars and restaurants about 5 minutes away! ack!
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:16, closed)

someone I
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:28, closed)
Y'know, for someone relatively well off, you do appear to go on some awful holidays

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:36, closed)
money doesn't stop people from being idiots

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:45, closed)
you live in coventry
you can't comment on anywhere else, ever.

but for the record, it wasn't remotely awful. it was a lovely villa with its own garden and pool, but in a little cluster of such villas, amenities on site in case you had kids that needed entertaining. which we did, my brother selfishly having spawned 3 times.

i spent much of it lying in the hammock on the roof terrace, as the kids weren't allowed up there.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:47, closed)
you know that repeating the description in more detail doesn't make it sounds less awful, right?

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:51, closed)
i have seen the things you like and dislike
your taste is abysmal and you should be shot through the neck at dawn
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:00, closed)
it's OK ... we're not judging you
you relax in your identikit hammock in could-be-anywhereville thinking you're better than the plebs in the cheaper identikit sun loungers down the road and I'll stick to actual travel.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:32, closed)
i like a bit of both
a bit of hammock and a bit of travel. i don't rule things out, judgey von holier than thou.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:36, closed)
'holier than thou' always seems an unfair criticism
it's not my fault I'm better than you ... why should I pretend we're equal just for the sake of smoother conversation?
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:37, closed)
but i don't think you'd find anyone who agrees you're better than they are
not even a scrofulous leper with a hole in his head
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:00, closed)
that's because you're all too thick to realise how thick you are

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:11, closed)
i know the word scrofulous
it's a great word
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:13, closed)
sadly you don't seem to know what it means or how to use it
scrofula is an archaic term for tuberculosis and since that is a much faster acting disease than leprosy, it doesn't make any real sense to be a scrofulous leper. If you are unfortunate enough to contract both diseases then you simply die of TB.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:42, closed)
i'll come to your funeral when you succumb, having caught both diseases from said scrofulous leper
i'll laugh and i may piss on the coffin, but i'll be there for you
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:51, closed)
You could contract leprosy first.

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:52, closed)
ooh don't say that
what would he do if his fingers fell off? type with his toes?
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:56, closed)
this thread is getting SEXY

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:57, closed)
simmer down stumpy

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 13:00, closed)
I'd agree that he's better than many people here.
Still look down on him, though.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:16, closed)
You're mocking someone for their repeated use of the resort's facilities,
then admitting to spending most of your time there in a hammock at the resort?
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:55, closed)
much of the time with the kids when they started bickering, aye
the rest of it was sight seeing. and afternoon tea at reids. fancy.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:00, closed)

So your excursions amounted to eating scones in a hotel, then?
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:12, closed)
finger sandwiches and scones and cakes. and champagne. with a beautiful view.

i don't get the hating. if you go on a family holiday with 9 of you, 3 of whom are kids, there are only so many options. it wouldn't be my first choice to go with friends/boyfriend/self, but for a family holiday, it rocked. madeira is seriously pretty.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:15, closed)
Your first mistake was to go on a holiday involving three kids.
Or any kids, come to think of it.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:21, closed)
well yes
i make that mistake all too frequently. fucking families :(
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:36, closed)
fucking families? didn't realise you were a royal

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:38, closed)
no, just from yorkshire

(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:00, closed)
Typical middle class snob.
So what if someone stays on the resort? They've paid their money and made their choice.

Be glad you won't bump into them when you are out and about soaking up the "local atmosphere" of a different restaurant half a mile from the hotel.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:12, closed)
Well if it was Sharm-el-Sheikh then you don't leave the premises
because seeing a bit of the local colour comes alongside the risk of getting blown up, shot, kidnapped and/or beheaded.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 15:31, closed)
This was a fair while ago.
But, really, I just plucked any old destination from the air. Make it Marbella, if you prefer.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 15:37, closed)
So hang on, your story is 'I have just made up a conversation I overheard'?
Fuck me, I think I'm impressed, this is truly a new high in
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 18:54, closed)
Not quite.
It may have been Sharm, or it may have been somewhere else. I can't remember. It really doesn't matter all that much. Had I put "destination x", would you have been any happier?

Naaaah. Thought not.
(, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 21:15, closed)

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