A conversation I once overheard
consisted of one bloke telling an acquaintance about a holiday he'd just had in - oh, wherever it was. Let's say it was Sharm el-Sheikh, for the sake of the argument. He was talking about how good the resort had been, and how the staff were great, and the pool was nice. "We didn't have to leave the hotel once for the whole two weeks. It was that good."

He then said that he was thinking of going to Mexico for his next holiday, if he could find somewhere equally good.

Moral of the story: no matter how bad the Brits you meet abroad, you can assure yourself that there're worse ones that you never have to meet, because they've corralled themselves behind a wall a safe distance away from you with a supply of cheap lager and three-day-old copies of The Sun. The exception to this rule is that you might meet them if you're also one of those Brits who thinks that flying to a different continent in order not to have to see anything of your chosen destination is a good use of your time. But in that case, you deserve each other.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:02, 40 replies)

Your story is 'I overhead someone talking about his holiday'?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:22, closed)

It is indeed.
But it's also a story about an encounter with the worst of our fair country's travellers, as per the question. So ner.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:25, closed)

An 'encounter'?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:34, closed)

Pillow talk is a valid source of stories.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 9:47, closed)

You have a talking pillow?
Crikey.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:27, closed)

It told me to kill them.
There was so much blood.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:44, closed)

An all-too-close encounter.
I'm surprised that noone picked up on Scaryduck's phrasing before, tbh.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:27, closed)

we went to madeira once. it was a self-catering villa with its own pool, but sitting in a resort that had a shop, restaurant, bar, family pools etc
and someone had written in the guestbook for our villa:

"amazing on-site restaurant. we ate there every night for 2 weeks!"

w.t.f. why would you go somewhere and eat in the same place every single night? even on an all-inclusive, you'd go out somewhere else for a change! there were lovely local bars and restaurants about 5 minutes away! ack!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:16, closed)

someone I
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:28, closed)

Y'know, for someone relatively well off, you do appear to go on some awful holidays

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:36, closed)

money doesn't stop people from being idiots

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:45, closed)

you live in coventry
you can't comment on anywhere else, ever.

but for the record, it wasn't remotely awful. it was a lovely villa with its own garden and pool, but in a little cluster of such villas, amenities on site in case you had kids that needed entertaining. which we did, my brother selfishly having spawned 3 times.

i spent much of it lying in the hammock on the roof terrace, as the kids weren't allowed up there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:47, closed)

you know that repeating the description in more detail doesn't make it sounds less awful, right?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:51, closed)

i have seen the things you like and dislike
your taste is abysmal and you should be shot through the neck at dawn
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:00, closed)

it's OK ... we're not judging you
you relax in your identikit hammock in could-be-anywhereville thinking you're better than the plebs in the cheaper identikit sun loungers down the road and I'll stick to actual travel.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:32, closed)

i like a bit of both
a bit of hammock and a bit of travel. i don't rule things out, judgey von holier than thou.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:36, closed)

'holier than thou' always seems an unfair criticism
it's not my fault I'm better than you ... why should I pretend we're equal just for the sake of smoother conversation?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:37, closed)

but i don't think you'd find anyone who agrees you're better than they are
not even a scrofulous leper with a hole in his head
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:00, closed)

that's because you're all too thick to realise how thick you are

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:11, closed)

i know the word scrofulous
it's a great word
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:13, closed)

sadly you don't seem to know what it means or how to use it
scrofula is an archaic term for tuberculosis and since that is a much faster acting disease than leprosy, it doesn't make any real sense to be a scrofulous leper. If you are unfortunate enough to contract both diseases then you simply die of TB.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:42, closed)

i'll come to your funeral when you succumb, having caught both diseases from said scrofulous leper
i'll laugh and i may piss on the coffin, but i'll be there for you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:51, closed)

You could contract leprosy first.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:52, closed)

ooh don't say that
what would he do if his fingers fell off? type with his toes?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:56, closed)

this thread is getting SEXY

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:57, closed)

simmer down stumpy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 13:00, closed)

I'd agree that he's better than many people here.
Still look down on him, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:16, closed)

You're mocking someone for their repeated use of the resort's facilities,
then admitting to spending most of your time there in a hammock at the resort?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 10:55, closed)

much of the time with the kids when they started bickering, aye
the rest of it was sight seeing. and afternoon tea at reids. fancy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:00, closed)

Reids?
*googles*

So your excursions amounted to eating scones in a hotel, then?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:12, closed)

no
finger sandwiches and scones and cakes. and champagne. with a beautiful view.

i don't get the hating. if you go on a family holiday with 9 of you, 3 of whom are kids, there are only so many options. it wouldn't be my first choice to go with friends/boyfriend/self, but for a family holiday, it rocked. madeira is seriously pretty.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:15, closed)

Your first mistake was to go on a holiday involving three kids.
Or any kids, come to think of it.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:21, closed)

well yes
i make that mistake all too frequently. fucking families :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:36, closed)

fucking families? didn't realise you were a royal

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:38, closed)

no, just from yorkshire

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 12:00, closed)

Typical middle class snob.
So what if someone stays on the resort? They've paid their money and made their choice.

Be glad you won't bump into them when you are out and about soaking up the "local atmosphere" of a different restaurant half a mile from the hotel.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 11:12, closed)

Well if it was Sharm-el-Sheikh then you don't leave the premises
because seeing a bit of the local colour comes alongside the risk of getting blown up, shot, kidnapped and/or beheaded.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 30 Apr 2014, 15:31, closed)

This was a fair while ago.
But, really, I just plucked any old destination from the air. Make it Marbella, if you prefer.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 15:37, closed)

So hang on, your story is 'I have just made up a conversation I overheard'?
Fuck me, I think I'm impressed, this is truly a new high in
QOTW-ing.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 18:54, closed)

Not quite.
It may have been Sharm, or it may have been somewhere else. I can't remember. It really doesn't matter all that much. Had I put "destination x", would you have been any happier?

Naaaah. Thought not.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Apr 2014, 21:15, closed)