Revenge is sweet...
...but not fattening, as the joke goes.

OK, I was bullied at school. And I'm not underestimating the impact that it's had on my life for a moment. I was bullied from about the age of 10-11 till I was 18 - long after it's normally finished for people. Physical abuse, being called "gay" constantly, and so on.

Not nice.

I suppose I was fortunate at 18 to go to Uni and find people who like me for who I am. I was suddenly popular, and to this day I think / hope / realise that I have lots of people in my life who love me for me, warts and all.

However - and here's the point of the post - I bear no malice whatsoever to the people who made my life hell. Who brought about the first of many (obviously unsuccessful) attempts at suicide. And so forth. Nor do I have malice against those people who in "grown up" life have done me harm, whether intentionally or not.

Because to still harbour feelings of any kind for the bullies / your ex / anyone who's not having a direct impact on your life *at this moment in time*, as opposed to having an impact because you are thinking about past events - anyway, to still have those feelings is to still be trapped in that place, with that negativity.

Sorry if it's psychobabble, but seriously...let go and move on...if you have people now in your life who love and value you for who you are, then major on that, and let the past go rot. In peace, and undisturbed.
( I_Was_Mordred, Sun 17 May 2009, 14:09, 12 replies)

Clicks for mostly sensible psychobabble

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 17 May 2009, 14:16, closed)

Clicks also for sensibility
Agreed.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 17 May 2009, 14:19, closed)

As much as I think this is sensible
It's sadly not something I can personally let go of that easily. The memories still surface. I would probbly not do anything to the people involved, but the memories still surface, and I cannot let it go. After chatting to various b3tans and other people though the last couple of days I am going to some psychobabbling person, so hopefully I'll finally be able to take the advice you are offering.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 17 May 2009, 15:01, closed)

Wishing you all the best...
...having the attitude that you want to let go is half the battle. Good luck with the psychobabble person, and if they are not right for you - move on and find one who is.
( I_Was_Mordred, Sun 17 May 2009, 15:21, closed)

*Clicks*
for being a much bigger, better person than any of those awful people. Probably the most sensible answer to be found on here this week. Kudos
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Sun 17 May 2009, 15:02, closed)

Thanks
Don't know if I'm bigger or better, just don't see the point in maintaining active dislike for anyone. People who are fucked up enough to bully others have been fucked up themselves. Seen too many people turn bitter over things...never does anyone any good.
( I_Was_Mordred, Sun 17 May 2009, 23:04, closed)

wow . . . thats
like true compassion. Or something. Bigger picture and stuff. Not always easy to do, but hats off if you can maintain. Sincerely.
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Mon 18 May 2009, 6:56, closed)

So what about people
who still wake up screaming, trying to run away from a dreamed/remembered crowd of people bigger, faster and with far more of a tendancy to violence than the dreamer? Or have suffered physical abuse and still hurt when they walk or stand a certain way? Should they forget it?

Okay, so being called "gay" is hardly the worst thing that can happen to you. But combined with a load of other stuff- especially during your formative years- it can have very long-lasting effects.

If you've not suffered it to that magnitude, then (appropriately enough) bully for you. But others have had it far worse than you for far longer than you to the point where it became a major factor in their development, woven into their every experience and memory. And given that its our experiences that shapes us, that means that it affects us still.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 18 May 2009, 11:27, closed)

No, I'm not saying "forget it"
in the slightest. And what happened to me for 8 years *was* a major factor in my development. Although a lot of people have had it a lot worse.

The point I was trying to make is that the important thing is to deal with the issue, not major on thoughts of revenge or hatred to those that caused it. Getting revenge is not going to take away the pain; wishing harm on others who have caused you harm - what's the point ?

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" - Mahatma Ghandi.

It's all about not sinking down to their level. And not letting them cause you pain in the present by being wrapped up a negative relationship with them. Letting go, moving on, finding peace. You won't find peace if you're wishing evil on others - in my opinion.
( I_Was_Mordred, Mon 18 May 2009, 12:30, closed)

:(
God I wish I'd read this before posting my abomination.

You make a salient point there.
(theneet began to cut her hair and long for balls, Mon 18 May 2009, 13:28, closed)

NIce sentiment, but...
Easy enough to say 'let it go' but whenever I see any bullying anywhere (even on tv) I still feel the rage swell up inside me as I get reminded of the 12 years of bullying I went through throughout pretty much my entire school life. I'd love to let it go, but 20 years later it hasn't reduced in impact. Think I'll stick to imagining slowly picking my tormentors' faces apart with a crochet hook. Now THAT's what I call therapy :)
(Crevice 's contents puked and crawled back in again on, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:48, closed)

I didn't say it was easy to let it go
just the right thing to do...any not out of any sense of morality, more because it's the best thing for one's own well-being.

It's not about being Christ-like or whatever. It's about throwing pain away.

And no, that's not easy. But the alternative is even harder.
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 21 May 2009, 1:05, closed)