Big Brother...
Been deliberating whether to post this as a) its lacking in the funnies, and b) it doesn't involve spunk.

And its also deeply fucking private...

I've posted on here before about my sister, but I've intentionally left out the fact that I also have an elder brother. Why? Well, because the first eighteen years of my life before I escaped and fucked off to university were made pretty fucking unbareable by this bastard.

He would beat me. And I don't mean in a playful brotherly way. He would literally kick ten barrels of shit out of me. Thinking back, I was hospitilized at least a dozen times. One time after he'd watched V for Victory (that footie film with Rambo twatting about in a beret), he forced me to recreate the scene where the fella had his arm broken by bracing it between the slats on a bed and applying the foot. That one got me a couple of days in hospital with a compound fracture with complications. He also punched me so hard in the face once that my teeth came through my bottom lip. Another time he chucked me down the stairs.

And my parents did fuck all about him - I had a heart to heart with them a few years back to ask why they'd let it happen. And they couldn't answer. They said back then there wasn't any support for this sort of thing and they just didn't know what to do. At the moment we've got a shakey truce. We just don't talk about my dear big bro... at all... ever...

Don't get me wrong. My childhood wasn't all bad. I had some great times. But, unfortunately, I seemed to take it for granted that at some point or other I'd receive another unholy kicking for, basically, being in the way. It was just normal to me and its only now I'm an adult I realise this is totally ab-fucking-normal.

So, at eighteen I fucked off up to Manchester to study Economics. Not because I particularly wanted to - it was just as far as possible away from home as I could get. And as I left that day in my mum and dad's car that's the last time I ever saw the evil cunt. I'm thirty-four now. A long, long time ago.

He moved to Finland while I was at Uni after a big falling out with my parents. Thank fuck. And I've never thought about him since. When people ask me if I've got any siblings I only ever talk about my sis. My brother is - and always was - dead to me.

Only something fucking terrifying happened recently. He's been in touch with my parents wanting to reconcile, admitting what he did to me was wrong and that he wants to meet up and start over.

I'm afraid I said point blank "No..." And that's the last I've heard about it. And now I feel bad. Ever notice how its always the victims of violence who are left feeling guilty when being magnanimous goes out the window and they just want to be left alone by a past tormentor?

I can't forgive and I can't forget. Only in this. Otherwise I'm the most easy-going bloke in the fucking world. But not for this.

I consider myself to be a pretty well balanced individual - I've got a great partner, I'm in a loving relationship, I interact with my social peers without getting my cock out (well, most of the time). But a part of me is still incredibly angry. That cunt took away my childhood. And I'm never gonna get that back. And here I am now, at the age of thirty-four, being made to feel like I'm the big fucking villain for not wanting to patch things up...

Fuck me, its been grim this week. Here's hoping for the usual smut and filth next week.

Cheers for listening...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:20, 20 replies)

Jesus Spanky,
I'm sorry for your pain, I thought I had it bad with my brother but I have experienced nothing like you have. Hang in there, this has been a brutal week.

Michael
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:32, closed)

Cheers Michael
'S appreciated. Belive me, I don't feel any pain at all. Just a deep burning anger and hatred. And that's hard for me on account of usually being a jovial twat.

I believe that people can slip into the victim mentality sometimes - the years of violence have made me really fucking strong now.

I wouldn't be the person I am today without my past experiences. And anyway, chicks dig scars...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:36, closed)

Scars are ok, just as long as the
important things are not cut off.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:55, closed)

Shit x 1000
there. Hospitalised a dozen times ? Jesus Christ.

Circumstances have got to be fucking dire, extremely dire for me not to advise anyone to try reconciliation.

In this case, they *are* that dire. I think you've done well enough in keeping in contact with your parents.

Leave this cunt well alone, don't feel bad about feeling angry, feel no guilt...and...Spanky...kudos for sharing this. You're a bigger and better man than most...and I'm glad from the tales you've shared with us (even if only 5% turn out to be true*) that you have had fun in your grown-up life.


* only because if they are all true...fucking hell...
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:42, closed)

Ha!
Cheers - yep, some are a little bit made up. And some are completely true. The shit eating one was true... (still have nightmares about that). And the dog who tried to rape me, that was true... (yep, more nightmares)... But the one about kissing the blokes cock in the nightclub was a bit made up - I actually kissed his bollocks.

Cheers again - fucking roll on the new QOTW... This week's been grim as the fucking reaper...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:52, closed)

I agree 100%
Couldn't have said it any better.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:53, closed)

Mate
You are a fucking top bloke. You know you are. And you deserve many many pints from me for several episodes of sinus cleaning by coffee when I read your QOTW's.

Fuck your brother. Voice of experience tells me it's worth it.

And we love ya, even if you do get your cock out all teh time.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 21 May 2009, 0:52, closed)

Thanks
my good man.

Though, how can I put this, I'll just ignore the cunt...

... don't really fancy fucking him...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:56, closed)

Pooflake wouldn't be very happy about that,

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:59, closed)

Ah
Yes.

Whoops.

Incest: the game the whole family can play.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 21 May 2009, 1:06, closed)

Thanks for sharing this with us
This is what I like about the QOTW, it brings out both out funny and serious sides.

Have a click mate.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 21 May 2009, 1:26, closed)

Well fuck me...
That puts a lot of other shit in perspective.
Don't feel bad for wanting nothing to do with him, he's the one at fault here, not you and this reconciliation bullshit is just a pretty lame attempt to absolve himself of the guilt he's obviously quite rightly feeling.
He's long ago forfetited any right to be in your life as anything but a learning experience you've moved past.
If he's realy contrite and not just trying to make himself feel better, he'll accept that and leave you alone.
I'm in Sydney, never met you, no idea about you at all except you've made me laugh (often inappropriately) loads of times and even I can tell you're a better man than him.
In fact by decree of the power of the interweb from this point on he simply. does. not. exist...
( difficultchild, Thu 21 May 2009, 1:31, closed)

I'm lost for words.
I really honestly am. That is such an incredibly not funny and not-spunk related peice of Spanky writing I'm just...

I don't know you well but have a big squishy hug from me. Some people are cunts. Your brother is one of them. I don't blame you for not wanting to reconcile with him.

You're a stong and brave person for getting through all that and being able to talk about it - even if it's just here - just this once.

Kudos to you. I don't like this story at all but that's all I can click.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 21 May 2009, 7:34, closed)

:-(

( chart cat has an itch, Thu 21 May 2009, 8:44, closed)

Track him down
and recreat the greenhouse scene from Scum...
...rape him up the dirtpipe.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 21 May 2009, 8:56, closed)

I'm aware
that for you it’s not about what or who he is, but what he did when you were growing up, but all the same I’d hate to be judged entirely on my actions as a child/teen/whatever, as I’m sure most of us would.

I’m not throwing brownie points at your brother, as there’s just no way I could relate to your experience. It’s just the opinion that sprang to mind.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Thu 21 May 2009, 9:07, closed)

Spanky
You're entirely justified in your feelings, you don't need to feel obliged to play happy families simply to indulge your brother's guilt.

You also have every right to feel angry toward your parents. Not doing anything to stop the abuse in the first instance means that they have no validity in playing the guilt card.

Good luck mate and have a click.

_{ps. Looking forward to more knobbing related stories next week}
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 21 May 2009, 9:51, closed)

Thank you for sharing this...
Look at who you are now.. and how duller this place'd be without your input, never mind your real life!

As everyone else has said, don't be guilted into being in the same room as this person.



can't give you a real hug,((hug)) so you'll have to have a click..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:11, closed)

Why not
...tell him to hand himself into the police and suffer the consequences of his actions. Your parents can corroborate.

Soon see if he's really serious about being sorry.

This also applies to any Irish Paedopriests reading.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:17, closed)

Saying NO don't feel guilty
Its a complex headloligy thing the Guit.
Coming back after 20 odd years and apologising expecting forgivness just becuase he thinks he's done the decent thing by saying sorry, dosent give him a automatic right for forgivness.

He's bullying again, pressing buttons to make you feel Guilty Spanky, wether he realsises it or not.

The thourolgy decent thing for him to do would be to realise his mistake and then stay out of your life forever because sometimes you can't fix what is broken.
Send a message through a intermediary (parents) than you not intrested in forgiving him, your not intrested in his side of the story and you would be gratefull if he never contated you or attempted to contact you through your parents ever again.

If he's half a man he should have to live with what he did.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, closed)