Wedding on the cheap.
I had the misfortune once to go to a wedding which was done on the cheap. I don’t want to offend people who don’t have much money, and who can’t afford a luxurious church and a nice hotel in the country to get married. But this was ridiculous.

So the big day starts. No alcohol for me all day as I would be driving and playing taxi for a few people too. Off I went into town. Yes, to a registry office, which no one could park anywhere near. It was throwing it down and I was freezing my ass off. I suddenly noticed I was rather overdressed for the event as I was the only person in a suit.
10 minutes later bride and groom come running down the road. The groom is wearing a dark pair of jeans and an un-ironed shirt. The bride was wearing a dress i'm pretty sure I saw in the window of a well known charity shop. It wasn’t even a wedding dress. It was just some rosy thing with a few frills.
Quite a crowd had built up by this time. Ooh, they’re popular people I thought. Until I started noticing more brides and grooms. Hmmm weird!

Eventually we all went in and took our seat in what could only be described as a large office. White walls, a couple of plants dotted around and a table at the front. We sat there... shivering and wet.
The whole wedding took 5 minutes! I kid you not! 5 minutes, and they didn’t even have any rings. They had barely finished their little peck on the lips after "I now pronounce you man and wife" before we were being pushed out.
As we left, the next wedding party was coming in. We were on a conveyor belt of marital bliss! Simple as.

We trudged back outside in the rain, and our lot crammed into a grotty back street pub. Which caused controversy as there was a few under 18s amongst us and generally they weren’t allowed. But as it was a wedding day, and the grooms mate knew the landlord we were let off. We had a couple watered down shandys in an atmosphere that would be better connected with a funeral rather than a wedding. The reception do was hours away, so basically it was then a "do whatever you want until the reception"

We actually ended up going back to the grooms flat, where we sat and watched TV and played with their dogs for 3 hours. Gee I have never been so bored in my life. I have no idea where the bride had gone at this point.

After a grueling and patience testing time, we eventually headed off for the reception. This was yet another back street drinking pub, except it had a function room upstairs. Perhaps the tiniest function room i've ever seen.

We went up there and some guests were blowing up balloons and putting some trimmings up. Then the brides mum walked in with a load of plates. (yes it would be a home made buffet). Then the grooms mate came in with some large speakers, CD player and a stack of knock off CDs which would be our musical entertainment for the night.

People generally milled around and seats were laid out round along the walls. It reminded me of my junior schools Christmas party. People dancing in the middle seats around the edge. The music was rubbish and I'm sure one of the speakers had blown as it was sounding rather crusty.

They couldn’t even be bothered with any speeches. Everyone felt compelled to buy the bride and groom drinks, so they were slowly getting themselves sloshed and were jumping around the place like chimpanzees ricocheting off the walls.

The home made buffet was rubbish, there clearly wasn’t enough. A group of us actually ran off to McDonalds down the road because we were starving. We decided against doing a take out, as that would have been plain rude!!

By 9.30pm people were starting to leave. By 11pm we were all kicked out as the pub was closing.

So were the bride and groom seen off in a nice limo with just married on the back? No.. I took them home (separately) in my old clapped out metro I was driving at the time. (was my first car!)

And why did they go separately? Because the bride ended up having an argument with the groom as she thought he was eyeing up her sister. They were both just pissed. So no doubt he spent his wedding night on his own couch.

The next day they flew off for a wonderful honeymoon in the Bahamas...... no of course they didn’t. They didn’t even have one.

They probably did their entire wedding for less than £100. Maybe they didn’t have any money and that was the best they could do. But gee, a wedding is a special day. A once in a lifetime thing. I would rather save up, wait 5 years and do it properly.

Length? They split up 4 months later.
(Miggyman, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:33, 20 replies)

...
Odd that the bride disappeared for a couple of hours after the wedding but you knew where the groom was. I mean, given that interval, she should have been having her brains fucked out.


Maybe she was...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:37, closed)

Probably...
As coming to think of it, I dont know where the best man was either.
(Miggyman, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:39, closed)

The perfect crime!
(If, that is, your use of the word "perfect" is flexible enough to encompass "rubbish")
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:41, closed)

Aaaargh!
Don't buy into the Wedding Industry Complex shit! Special days don't need heaps of money or stupid posh clothes that never get worn again, or speeches (who even likes speeches?), or "limos" - yeeuuugh.

Can't we just be happy for people who want to get married to each other (mad as getting married seems)? Isn't it about people and friends rather than table decorations and overcooked vegetables? There doesn't seem anything wrong at all with the way they did things (except the boring sitting around bit), even if they did split up 4 months later.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:41, closed)

crackhouse
Actually, I'm with you on that. A friend of mine got married by dashing off somewhere remote in Scotland with his fiancee and her son; the wedding was just them in jeans and jumpers with no hangers-on or other accoutrements. The photos were taken by someone who worked in the hotel. They look stupidly happy in them, and everyone who's seen the photos gets infected with stupid warm happiness, too. It's the way to go.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:45, closed)

It doesn't matter, as long as they're happy. ..
I've been to high end and cheapo weddings, and neither were automatically better (I do however, draw the line at guests wearing tracksuit bottoms FFS).

Given the above though, wouldn't it be better not to have wasted 20 grand on a wedding if you'll split up in 4 months?
(EssY, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:46, closed)

@ Enzyme: Agreed!
That, or I'm eloping to Vegas with whoever'll have me to get married by a dwarf dressed as Elvis on a miniature pony.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:46, closed)

@crackhouse...
Hmmm... Doing anything next week?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:52, closed)

yeah
Teaching. But I'll give it all up for a gambling career and a special Vegas wedding package with free steak dinner.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:53, closed)

Weddings
I know peeps who have spent thirty grand on a wedding and had enough in the kitty so that the groom could fly off to Prague and have sex with prostitutes beforehand.

Does the expense of the wedding make the groom any less of a bastard?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:57, closed)

@crackhouse
Teaching? Good grief. How miserable. I'm doing nothing until February... and not really doing anything much after, either, truth be told.

And I'm a rubbish gambler.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:58, closed)

Agreed
That the 'big one' shouldn't be about the money, it should be about how the people doing it want to do it.

That said, there's a weird one-upmanship with Weddings, isn't there? Me and my fair lady just got ourselves engaged, and when her ex-boyfriends now fiance found out about it she said "We'll see whose wedding is better!"

Not that I'm the competitive type, but their reception 'meal' is going to be bacon butties. Nothing wrong with that, except there won't be a choice of sauces as "he doesn't like sauce" (fnar), and he is going to cook them at home before the wedding and then heat them up at the reception.

Dysentry, anyone?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:01, closed)

I was best man at a wedding that was done on the cheap
because they didnt really want to marry each other (thats a lie, the groom didnt want to get married and so didnt want to spend any money). It was horrible, I should have refused to go let alone be best man. They split up a year later.

I agree that money doesnt make a wedding special, but that day was awful.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:01, closed)

big weddings suck
The biggest wedding I have been to was of a work colleague. The six months prior to the event were spent buying dresses for the bridesmaids that cost about £400 each, a dress for the bride that was well into 4 figures, hiring a posh scottish castle hotel, hiring the same stretched rangerover Madonna used.....Id be surprised if the bill was under £30k in total.
It sucked, the levels of bitchiness, disgusting displays of wealth and general "We Are CONSSSIDERABLY Richer Than Yow" made me want to vom.

When my sister got married, about 100 good friends were invited to her farm where a live band played, trestle tables were set and everyone ate barbecued lamb and got drunk. Easily the best wedding as far as a happy atmosphere is concerned.
(dave likes cheese, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:15, closed)

that sounds...
like a bit of a nasty wedding (to the original post, that is!) - but having just got hitched myself (for the second time, after having sworn never ever to do it again) it was my second budget wedding (first husband don't think he was really that into it, this time round we were/are dead dead skint)

We got married in a registry office, I had a lovely dress off eBay (£35!) (in fact most of the things I got off eBay) our rings were elvish love rings £22 each! We got the kiddies clothes from Asda (we have 4!) and I did the food for the party in the evening (the guy who rented us the room and the dodgy dj couldn't believe me and my 2 boys got the food out and the room done in 20 minutes - it looked nice, honest!)

All in all our wedding still cost us about £2000 if you include absolutely everything (we went on a mini honeymoon to loch ness and saw a ufo!) but it was fantastic - it was the promise we made to each other that was the important part - luckily neither of us have any snooty friends or family that expected us to get ourselves in massive debt for no reason

:D
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:16, closed)

!
I went to a lovely wedding where the couple pursuaded the vicar in the local church to let them have a tea party in the grounds. They bought tea and fairy cakes, and everyone had those then went to the pub. It was good fun and very memorable.

Having said that, I'll obviouly be throwing thousands at my big day. I would prefer my guests jealous than happy, any day of the week.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:46, closed)

Mad Uncle Eric
Didn't take a penny from the families (OK I think the flowers were paid for by a parent) but saved up for a year or so like mad things.

The result? We invited who the hell we liked, none of this "you've got to invite so-and-so 'cos you've invited thingy, but not at the same table as whatsit etc etc". So the guest list consisted entirely of people who had been nice to us, so f'rinstance my Brother In Law's parents came but some of my own family were politely told they could jump in a woodchipper.

Cake? Made by a friend. Invites/stationary? Home-made. Swords? Borrowed from ex-Marine (why did we need swords? don't ask). Cars? Supplied by friends. Reception at local hotel, all our pals turned up for the evening do (sorry, too skint to put on a free bar but there's curry & chilli at ten). I did have to hire my kilt, though. Even the band agreed not to cancel (singer's wedding anniversary) if their WAGs could come for the party and yummy scoff.

Best night ever.

Her posh or pseudo-posh mates bleated on about paying £20k and sodding off to the Maldives. We spent loads less, sodded off to the West Highlands and are still together with two osoklets 6 years later.

And we didn't have to invite Mad Aunty Eric or little cousins Ebolavirus and Nokiacharger.

Best fucking night ever.




(Not the best night's fucking ever as 100 people were buying me malt whisky and I got tangled in my sporran, fell over and fell asleep in the bridal suite)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:07, closed)

Heh
Sounds like the wedding my sister-in-law would have if getting married wouldn't cut into her welfare check.

My husband and I made sure that we spent almost all the money for our wedding on the food. I wanted to elope to Vegas to get married by an Elvis impersonator but my mother burst into tears at the idea, so we had a nice, brief ceremony followed by an all-night party and eat-a-thon that ended with me drinking Champagne out of the bottle and my drunk sister chowing down on the leftover crab rangoon at three in the morning and promptly being sick.

No one in my family cared that my dress wasn't a 'wedding dress' or that there are Pink Floyd songs longer than the ceremony itself, but if we'd dared to skimp on the food I'd have heard about it for the rest of my natural life. We could have showed up naked and done it all through interpretive dance and as long as there was a hearty spread of quality food and drink my family would have declared it the best wedding ever.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Sat 5 Jan 2008, 0:08, closed)

I've seen
The two extremes -- the cheap one was a total budget of 100 quid. They spent 50 on a dress, the same on a suit (both from oxfam), blagged the use of a big garden, prayed for sun, and told everyone to bring picnics. Brilliant.

The other was rather nice too, in a fabulously wealthy kinda way -- Jesus Chapel in Oxford, bussed out to a stately home, incredible food, live music, vast quantities of champagne, etc.


Both couples are still happily married, which goes to show it's about the people, not the amount of debt you saddle yourself with.
(Exiled Youth [witty comment], Mon 7 Jan 2008, 18:21, closed)

Once in a lifetime?
Oh dear. How naive - but rather sweet.
(ubergeekian, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 11:16, closed)